A Season For Change
by Sunshine of Wonderful
Summary: Inej returns after a year at sea hunting slavers; a year worth of growth and change. When she returns to Ketterdam, will she find Kaz changed as well? Will their relationship survive the turmoil they face upon her return? Cross-posted on AO3
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Hello lovelies!

Quick note: While I really enjoy writing fanfiction, I am working on an original work (henceforth called OW). These characters, especially Kaz, are excellent practice for my multiple POV writing. As for my OW male lead: he's very conniving and definitely has a scheming face. He's also remarkably monstrous. If you don't find Kaz monstrous enough, please let me know (and how you think I can improve). Also, I'm working on fight scenes/dramatic escapes A LOT. Let me know if you think they're exciting! All other critiques are welcome too! I hope y'all enjoy this story!

Thanks!

INEJ

No matter how many times I run my hands over the ship's railing, descend to my cabin, or lash down the sails, it's still difficult to believe it's mine. Yet, here I am, almost a year since I set sail to stop the overseas slave trade. I've docked at more unknown ports than I care to count. I've seen many a happy reunion. I've watched with grim satisfaction as slaver ships sank. I've taken on crew. I've shot other crews down. I've heard their screams, said a prayer, and turned away as they died. My purpose burns strong in me. I've no desire to slow. Still, I can tell my crew is tired. While I've taken on an unlikely accumulation of people of a variety of ages, creeds, and nationalities, we all share the same goal. And despite their differences, I see the same look in their eyes now. An ache to be on land, to stay on steady ground, to rest. So we've turned to back to Ketterdam. We're only a couple hours away now. I can hear the crew chattering to each other about their plans. Family to meet, places to see, food to enjoy - all of it makes me smile. Yet, I wonder about my plans. I'll return to Wylan's house, of course. I wrote ahead almost a month ago that I'd be returning. It's nearly impossible to receive mail when you rarely dock in the same place twice so I have no reply. Regardless, I know his answer will be the same.

" _You are always welcome here, Inej. Your room will always be ready,"_ he said, all those many months ago. And while I'm sure much has changed, I doubt they've filled up all the rooms in that grand mercher house.

I try to focus on arrival. Docking, securing the ropes, disembarking, carrying my bag to their house, entering, having dinner, enjoying time with them - all the specifics to distract me from what I am really wondering.

 _How is Kaz? What has he been doing? What is he doing now?_ And, the question I try hardest to ignore, _Does he miss me?_

 _Does he miss me as I do him?_ A year apart has brought clarity, as space and time often does. My perspective has changed. My priorities have too. Too often, I find myself missing him. Laying in bed at night, wondering what he's doing right then and if I ever cross his mind. Then, the deeper thoughts, the ones I try to keep to myself, of his hands - barely brushing against me, of his eyes - bright and dialated as he stares into mine, and of his lips - hovering just above my skin. It's in these times that I imagine what it would be like if we were whole, unbroken.

But if all this time on the sea has taught me anything, it's that no one is whole. Everyone has brokenness inside them. It's what you do with those experiences, how you grow - or don't, that truly defines you. I've made choices during this time that have strengthened me. I've seen actions taken that strengthen others. I've seen women and children, bound for slavery, released and returned home, undeniably marked by the experiences. I wonder about them sometimes, how they function now. Do they shudder, like I do, when something reminds them too closely of their time as a slave? Do they jump at a surprise touch?

While I know I rescued them from the experiences that I suffered at the Menagerie, they are still scarred. They will be forever. I can only pray that somehow, they take those scars and make something beautiful.

I stare out at the sea, it's waves small and pleasantly rocking the boat toward home. The breeze is soft and intermittent, making our progress slower than normal. However, I relish the tranquility. I'd rather that than a storm with its high, rushing waves that threaten to tear the boat apart from every side. I enjoy the soft chatter to the frantic instructions bouncing between my crew as they hurry to secure and survive. I retreat to my quarters, lay down on my bed and am quickly rocked to sleep - my last thoughts drift toward home and him.

KAZ

Wylan came to me two weeks ago to inform me that Inej was returning. I had let go of hope months ago for with it comes weakness. I cannot afford the distraction, not when everyone is looking to grab a piece of me or my piece of Ketterdam.

In the last year, my territory has grown. While the Dime Lions didn't all defect to the Dregs, many did and with them came influence. Pekka Rollins hadn't returned and, in the midst of confusion of control, many had sought his place of power. None had achieved it. True, there were a few pockets of people who'd held onto a piece of his empire. A man named Ruffin has taken control of their Kaelish Prince, which I eagerly relinquished. Another had taken on his pleasure houses, which I wanted no part in. The other properties were still suffering from the pretend plague. While people had come to realize there was nothing to fear, their profits had taken a huge hit during the months of quarantine. I had little interest in taking on their debts. Still, it did me no good to allow someone to accumulate too much power. Thus, I took unseen steps to make sure his empire was equitably divided.

My leg is aching today. Sharp pain lances through it with each step. I lean heavily on my cane as I mount the stairs. While I do proper business from Per Haskell's old office, I still prefer the relative silence of my upstairs room. Of course, my preference has nothing to do with the window that still so starkly reminds me of my Wraith. The crows stopped coming about a month after she left; uninterested in a windowsill that offered only a place to sit. There were warmer areas with better access to the crumbs that littered Ketterdam's streets. Sometimes I find myself staring as the window, almost seeing her sitting there oh so still.

As I reach my room, I reach for my key. I check the failsafes I've placed around the door to ensure no one has entered during my time away. I'm not the only good lock pick in the city and, while it's rare and rather noticeable for someone to venture up here, I am nothing if not thorough.

When I open the door, I almost believe I'm hallucinating. Can want drive a person to see something they crave so desperately - despite having driven the want so deep down that it rarely has the strength to rise to the surface? Yet, there she is.

 _Is she there?_ I try not to believe it. I blink and look away but when I look back, she remains. The window open, a soft breeze gliding through. Her fingers curled around her shin, cheek resting on her knee, facing me with her eyes closed. My surprise lasts only a few seconds and then I am back, aiming for unfazed.

"I thought you'd be at Wylan's," I say, cursing myself for not finding something more welcoming to say. Hadn't I wanted her here? Hadn't I hoped she'd return?

"I was," is her only reply. She hasn't looked at me yet although her eyes flutter open. How did she enter Ketterdam and I not know? I have people watching the docks constantly. I should've been informed when she docked.

 _Except you've pushed away everything involving her. How were people to know you'd be interested in being informed?_

I am at a loss. I haven't had time to plan; to form the words I long to say to her. There she sits, in the spot where I've missed her month upon month. Here she is, just as I dreamed she would be - ready to listen to my plans, my ideas, my half-cooked schemes.

 _And all I do is remind her of somewhere else she could be._

As though she's heard my thoughts, she shifts slightly and lifts her gaze out onto Ketterdam, looking like she wants to take flight over my city. I trace the line of her neck, her spine, down to her legs, with my eyes. In my dreams, I've crossed the room to her. In my deepest fantasy, I've taken her in my arms, kissed her, carried her to my bed.

 _Look at me,_ I plead silently. Kaz Brekker never pleads and doing so, even though no one could hear it, hardens me immediately. I turn to my desk, lean my cane against it, and sit down as gracefully as I can. It is no longer in my nature to show weakness, even to her. Still, the tension hangs thick between us and I can't stand it. After a year apart, after my unwanted dreams of what it would be like when she returns, I cannot stand the uncomfortable silence between us. So I break it the only way I know how - talking about work.

"So, how was your trip?"

"Eventful." Her short answers surprise me. Conversation between us has never been especially prolific, as I am admittedly rather terse. However, she is usually the one who draws it out of me. Has the time away changed us so much that we've lost the easiness that marked our relationship for so long? Her sigh carries such weight that I wish I could rise and take the heaviness from her. Finally, finally, she turns her eyes to mine.

I feel a sudden urge to confess that I've missed her. To tell her she's been in my heart and on my mind more than anyone should be. That even in her absence, she drives me to distraction.

"How have you been, Kaz?" And I hear it then, or I believe I do, hope I do, her unspoken admission of missing me too. I know I should answer her the same, let her know that I've missed her desperately.

"Can't complain. Pekka Rollins has stayed down and his holdings haven't been snapped up by too few people. Van Eck is still in prison. Apparently, his contemporaries didn't like being swindled." She nods, as though this is what she'd been expecting. Perhaps it was. Perhaps she knew, even before she spoke, that I'd remain tight-lipped about anything except work.

"Any new jobs?"

"No big jobs to speak of; just the regular running of the Dregs. Although..." I refuse to admit that I hadn't taken any big jobs on purpose; that the real reason I'd handed off the the action was because I wanted her with me - that jobs without her felt empty. She raises her eyebrow.

"Although?"

"The new boss of Rollins's pleasure houses has been encroaching on our territory. One of the dregs reported seeing him casing the warehouse down on 5th. It wouldn't surprise me if he tried to take it. Especially as word on the street is he's set to receive a new shipment soon." Her expression darkens. I aimed for her heart. I know this is where I can pull her in, the only way I know how to pull her in. I exploit her weakness and don't feel any shame in doing so.

"What's your plan?" Suddenly, everything is as it was before. I find the job, formulate the plan, we discuss logistics, just as we used to.

"Go see if there's anyone lurking around there now. If not, we'll make sure no one can enter it without injury. If there are," I give her a grim grin, "they'll wish they weren't." She nods and without a sound, she's out the window.

INEJ

I can't tell if Kaz was being purposefully closed off or if he truly didn't miss me. There was a look, at the beginning, that made me think perhaps he had been wondering about me, thinking about me, as I had about him. Then his face shuttered and the emotionless Kaz appeared.

I climb the roof, each step easier than the last as I fall into the rhythm I have missed. Climbing the masts of my ship could only do so much. They only reached so far. Here, on the roofs of my city, I feel at home. The sun is dipping below the horizon. Soon, it will be too dark to see anything but shadows. The sun plays a brilliant orange and red across the waves, painting them bloody until the last ray falls. My sea. My city. Up here, it feels as though all of it belongs to me. I slip down the next roof to the wall of the warehouse. Sitting silently on the sill, I pick the lock carefully. I try to pull the window open when it clicks but disuse has made it stick. The wood has swollen it shut. No amount of pulling will loosen it. With a sigh, I carefully wind my way down to the back door. Here, I notice a sign of entry.

 _They probably couldn't get in the windows either._

The door shows signs of a chain having recently been around its handle. It isn't there now. Although the door is locked, no one has bothered to wipe away the footprints that are clearly formed in the dust in front of the door. A few moments later and the lock clicks open. The door barely squeaks as I push it open. I run my fingers along the hinges.

 _Oil. Someone wants to keep their goings quiet._ Kaz's expectation of unwarranted entries is correct, as usual. I close the door behind me, trusting my senses to lead me in the dark better than they will anyone else. I don't see any light, corpselight or otherwise, brightening any corners. No footsteps hurry away as I wander farther in. I stick close to the walls, more comfortable with my back protected. As I head toward the other end of the building, I hear a hissing. I sniff the air. I don't smell gas but there is definitely a noise coming from behind the door at the end of the hall. I approach cautiously, positioning myself to be behind the door should it open. The hissing continues. It isn't a rhythmic rising and falling I associate with snakes. It's more like-

A light flashes, blinding and painful, and I am thrown back. I feel myself slam back into a wall and all goes dark.


	2. Chapter 2

KAZ

She's been gone too long. A quick building check wouldn't take this much time. I open the window and look out over the city. It's then that I hear the sirens.

Panic fills me. I know it's her. I can feel it in the way my bones ache - like I've lost something necessary. I grab my cane and move down the stairs as quickly as I can. Before I reach the door, Gobber fills the entryway.

"It's the warehouse. Down on 5th. There was a bomb. It's on f-" I push past him. I know enough. A few of the Dregs fall in behind me, taking in my silent hustle and following without question. I consider taking to the roofs but I doubt it will save much time and I can't risk the height when my mind is so divided. As we draw closer, I point down the alleyway to my right. Two men peel off to scout. Another wave and two more hurry away from my left.

I'm two streets away when I see the flames.

 _I shouldn't be able to see the flames from here._ If the fire has moved, it means it's destroyed the building it began with. And if that's true...

 _No._ I will not make assumptions. Not now.

I turn the corner and I see it, flames leaping out of the back of the warehouse, the whole structure nearly consumed. I don't stop.

"Boss! Don't go in!"

"Come back!"

"The building is going to collapse!"

All heard and disregarded. I throw my cane aside. If she's in here, I will find her. If she's dead, I might as well go with her. I tug my suit jacket over my mouth and enter. Black smoke pumps around me. I can't see more than a couple inches ahead of me and even that is hazy, unsure.

 _I would come for you._

I remember my promise. It seems so long ago now. It still rings true. I will always come for her. I get down on my knees and crawl through the smoke, knowing the best air hangs below the cloud of darkness that threatens to take me into it and never let go.

 _If I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you._

I have no idea where I'm headed. No plan. The warehouse is large but thankfully, mostly open. I glance around the floor I can see. Nothing stands out. I move forward more, casting glances aside like waves off a ship's bow. No matter where I look, I cannot see her. I make my way toward the back, knowing the office in the back is the only closed off space where she might be hidden. My body is racked by coughs. My leg aches as I drag it across the floor. I can feel the heat singeing away the edges of my clothing. I can see the hallway now, barely. The darkness extra thick there.

Somewhere above me, I hear a creak, not the common kind but a loud, squealing creak that sounds more like metal bending upon itself, ripping away from wood. I know I have minutes left - if that. It's at that moment that I see something, a lump, _a body_ \- _perhaps?_ farther down the hallway. I force myself to crawl towards it carefully, taking deep breaths through the fabric of my jacket. A few feet more and I'm sure. It's definitely a body.

 _But is it her?_ Another foot, maybe two, and I see her slight form. She lays, unmoving, crumpled against the wall. The office area beyond her is completely missing. Another squeal, like a warning shot, sounds above me. I have seconds, maybe. I dash forward, flames catching on the edge of my shirt, licking my sides, as I rush to her. I scoop her up in one motion, not stopping to evaluate direction, and continue toward where the office used to be. There is only a blackened hole now. I throw myself through it and attempt to roll, her body clutched tight to me. My leg gives out and the motion lands us both in an ungainly heap just outside the teetering walls of the warehouse. I give one more push, trying to get us as far from the building as I can.

Behind me, I feel the searing air rush out of the warehouse as the roof collapses. I clutch Inej close to me, trying to shield her body with mine. I feel hot ash land on my back, my shirt falling in tatters around me. I try to lift her, to move us both away but I can't. My lungs scream in protest. The lack of oxygen freezing my muscles in place. Shouts sound somewhere nearby. Then there are people and I clutch Inej even tighter. I don't know who they are. My eyes feel as though they've been burned right along with my clothes. The ash has blinded me. I can hear familiar voices, friendly voices, laced with concern. I cannot differentiate between them. Their words come in too loud and too soft until I realize it's my ears that must be ringing. Someone tries to pull Inej away and my grip tightens.

"Boss," I hear someone say. "Boss." A pause. "Kaz," the voice says slowly. I recognize it although I cannot say from where. Something in it uncurls my hands slightly. I move back and try to focus on Inej. I'm not even sure if she's breathing. I don't know how I'm breathing.

My small movement draws action from the people around me. Someone pulls me back farther and, while I want her close to me again, I allow myself to be drawn away. She is still only a foot from me, her hand in my reach. I look down at my gloves. The leather seems to be melted onto my skin and I note with curious detachment that it will probably hurt to peel it off. I make no move to do so. I look back at Inej. She is laid out flat. Her face tipped back. Another girl is leaning over her. She places her ear to her chest, listening. She looks up at the boy next to her and shakes her head.

 _No._ I know what that means. I refuse to believe it. Not now. I grab the boy.

"Bring me Ashiana," I grind out. The boy steps back, nods once and disappears into the dark.

Sooner than I expected, I hear voices, her voice. Ashiana is a healer. Another girl I bought from a pleasure house. She reminded me of Nina and I was right to think so. While she isn't a Heartrender, her skills have been useful on many occasions. She's a Ravkan Grisha. Stolen like Nina. Like Inej. People part around her and she comes to my side.

"Kaz, what-" I brush her away, motioning to Inej.

"Her. Save her." I'm surprised she understands me. My voice scrapes out so low, I doubt it's really audible. She catches my meaning, even if she can't hear me. She moves to Inej's side. The girl who listened to Inej's heart originally says something to her quickly and Ashiana repeats her motion, leaning down to listen to her chest. I refuse to admit that I don't see it rising and falling. Her eyes meet mine as she listens and I see sorrow. My fingers clench in the dirt and ash.

"Kaz, I-" my hand slices through the air, cutting off any excuses.

"Ashiana," I growl though it's more of a plea than I care to admit.

 _Tell me you can fix her. Tell me you can save her._ She takes a long look at me and turns back to Inej. With a deep breath, she closes her eyes and begins to move her hands over Inej slowly. Starting at her head, to her chest, her stomach and back up again. She does this several times.

I can tell a crowd has formed around us as their bodies block the heat that still scorches my back. Finally, she places her lips on Inej's and seems to blow into her - as though she can impart life with breath alone.

Nothing happens.

She looks at me again. Something in my eyes must convince her to try again because she turns to Inej again. Another round of the hands. Again, she leans down, her lips slanting across Inej's. This time, though, I see a shallow rise to Inej's chest. It's almost imperceptible. I would've missed it if I hadn't been staring so intently. Ashiana notices it too. This time, she doesn't look at me. She continues of her own accord. On the third time, Inej draws breath on her own. It is followed by a round of coughing so harsh I'm afraid her lungs might relinquish their linings. She tries to curl onto her side but movement stills, her body too weak to move. I see Ashiana's hands start to move over her again but I cannot keep watch this time. I move forward slightly, one inch, two, and collapse beside Inej.

JESPER

Wylan turns over next to me with a groan when the knock comes at the door.

"What in the saints name is it?" He calls out sleepily. I slide out of bed and find my clothes scattered across the floor. I'm already buttoning my pants when one of the maids says, haltingly, "I'm Ms. Ghafa, sir." She sounds as though she'd rather be anywhere but here. Wylan rolls over again, sits up, and tries to focus in the dark. I turn the light on next to our bed. He blinks, bleary-eyed, and rubs his face. I'm in headed for the door before he gathers himself enough to get out of bed. I pull the door open too quickly, almost losing control of it. I stop it before it hits the wall.

"What's wrong?" I ask. There has to be something grievously wrong if the maids are waking us up. There's no way Inej would make this kind of fuss. Even if she was injured, she'd climb her way into the house and tend to her wounds before she would let us know.

"She's here, sir. They brought her-" I push past her.

"Where is she?"

"She's in her room, sir. A lady came with her. And Mr. Brekker." Of course, Kaz would be involved in this somehow. No way Inej got injured all by herself. I haven't seen Kaz in almost a month. I take jobs from him occasionally but he rarely finds a reason to call. I've been focused on staying away from the lower areas of Ketterdam. Gambling halls are strewn across every corner. I find it's easier to avoid the desire if they stay out of my line of vision. I head up the stairs to Inej's room. Behind me, I hear Wylan muttering instructions to the staff. The door is open and light spills into the hall.

I barely spare Kaz a glance as I enter. A girl is leaning over Inej. I vaguely recognize her as one of the few Grisha Kaz has in his employ. Her hands are moving over Inej, fixing unseen injuries. Kaz looks harried. I can see his anger, tightly restrained. Both of them look to be covered in thick layer of black dust. The whole room smells like hundreds of candles have just been extinguished. I take another look at Kaz. I know that face, I've seen it before. It's the same look he had when Inej was nearly killed before we left for the Ice Court. It's both frightening and pitiful - like he wants to kill someone and fall apart at the same time. However, Kaz Brekker does not fall apart. He might just kill someone though.

"What happened?" I question quietly.

"Bomb," Kaz growls, his voice lower and even gruffer than usual.

"Where?"

"A warehouse on 5th."

"How did Inej end up in a warehouse with a bomb?" It's a stupid question, a risky question, a clearly rhetorical question. We all know how she ended up there. Kaz turns his glare on me. I may have just taken my life in my hands. He stays silent, his focus returning to Inej. I hear Wylan enter behind me.

I can't tell if the Grisha has fixed the external injuries and left behind only dried blood or if Inej's internal injuries are so expansive that she hasn't had time to remedy them. If she hasn't, those sheets will be bloody very soon. Wylan must have noticed as well because I hear him step into the hallway to ask for towels, water, and extra sheets.

Wylan re-enters and I step back beside him. I give him a rundown of all I know, which lasts about 10 seconds.

"I didn't even know she was gone. She went to her room this afternoon while you were out. You know she's kept mostly to herself since she arrived. I didn't even think to worry when she missed dinner," he responds. I nod in agreement. A maid, Marian, enters with a bowl, a pitcher, and a stack of linens. After several more minutes of tense silence, the Grisha looks up and clears her throat.

"While I'm sure she," gesturing to Inej, "would appreciate your presence and support, it's rather difficult to focus with all of you staring at me. If you wouldn't mind-" Wylan waves his hand, cutting her off.

"Of course, we will wait down the hall." Wylan and I turn to go. I look at Kaz pointedly but he ignores me.

"Kaz, your stare could cut through a brick wall. Come get something to eat or at least, sit down. You look like you're practically dead on your feet." Anger still churns in my gut. She hasn't even been here a week and Kaz is already getting her into trouble. She's supposed to be here to _rest_. I know I'm being unreasonable. Inej is a big girl. She can make her own decisions. Knowing doesn't stop my worry from placing blame though. The Grisha looks at him and nods, either in agreement or encouragement - maybe both.

"Call me as soon as you're done," he grinds out. With that, he turns carefully and walks out of the room, his limp so pronounced that I'm surprised he doesn't lean against the wall for support.

 _Saints forbid Kaz show something as weak as needing physical support after narrowly escaping death by fire,_ I think unkindly. I follow him down the hall until we reach the back bedroom. It is one of the largest in the house, nearly as large as the master. We enter into a sitting room. The actual bedroom is off through the door on the left. I enter the door on the right, a small office that looks over the city. I use this office occasionally, mostly for entertaining merchers that I don't want in the main office. Thanks to this occasional use, I keep a large stock of different liquors. Nothing helps a deal along like alcohol.

I grab one of the clear decanters. I don't even glance at the liquid. I don't care what it is. I just need something strong. Wylan handles me a crystal rocks glass and places another on the desk. I should ask the maids for ice but close the door instead. I'm not interested in being overheard right now.

I fill both glasses with a healthy dose before placing the decanter on the table top. I sit down in the chair behind the desk and take a sip, more like a gulp, and relish the feeling of it burning its way down my throat. Kaz takes his glass and sits as well. He doesn't drink though. Wylan remains standing by the door, looking between Kaz and I nervously.

"I guess we're even then," I start out suddenly. Kaz doesn't meet my eyes but I know he understands me. He blamed me, rightly so, for nearly getting Inej killed before the Ice Court job. Now, it's his turn to carry the weight of blame.

"That's not necessary, Jes," Wylan says softly. My fingers drum on the arm of the chair. I take a smaller sip and resist the urge to pace. I don't know why this leaves me so shaken. It's not like we haven't been in rough scrapes before. It's not like we haven't faced death, cheated it, multiple times. Perhaps, it's because Inej has just returned. I barely feel like I've gotten her back, after a year of waiting, worrying, and now she's so close to slipping away. Perhaps, it's because I've gotten used to this life with Wylan. I don't encounter death everyday. It doesn't chase me through the streets as it used to. Not that there haven't been issues uptown. Upstart criminals, looking to make their mark on the merchant class, have made the mistake of assuming Wylan and I, young as we are, are weak - easily open to attack. They quickly learned their mistake.

The three of us stew in uneasy silence, unused to the tension. Wylan breaks first.

"Who is the Healer?"

"Her name is Ashiana."

"Is she good?" I venture.

"Good enough." For the first time in a long time, I see Kaz reveal worry in his actions. He runs a hand through his hair, ash wafting to the floor as it dislodges from the strands. The motion draws Wylan's notice too and our eyes meet over his head.

"Do you want something to eat?" Wylan offers, always the host. Kaz only shakes his head. "I'm going to order some tea." This almost brings a smile to my face. Tea is Wylan's answer to stressful situations. I used to make fun of him for it. Now, I usually join him. Tonight, I think I'll stick with the stronger stuff. I enjoy another sip as Wylan exits in search of a maid. I eye Kaz.

"Was it important?" _Was sending her on this little mission at least worth something?_ I see Kaz's eyes close briefly, his face tilts away from me, and I know.

"Why, then? Why send her? Why, when you know all she wanted was-" I stop myself just in time. Kaz and Inej have been dancing around this for as long as I can remember. I think I knew before they did. With that knowledge in mind, I recognize that it's not my place to say what either of them wants. If Kaz is too hard-headed to accept what's in front of him, let him suffer for it. Maybe Inej will get the message and find someone who can give her what she deserves.

Wylan re-enters and Marian follows him in with a tray of tea. She nods at me and disappears from sight, shutting the door silently behind her. The next few minutes I listen to the sound of Wylan pouring tea, adding sugar to his and stirring carefully. I see him pour another cup. He gently takes the glass from Kaz's hand and places it within reach on the desk. He hands him a cup of tea instead.

"Drink this. It will help your throat." Kaz nods and takes a sip. I'm not used to this quiet, non-combative Kaz. I used to his scheming face, which seems to make a sound simply by existing. I'm accustomed to the soft taps of his cane on the floor as he plans. I'm used to his rough voice, talking through logistics, demanding facts, or handing out orders. The Kaz I know would be hunting down those responsible through the night, injuries or no. He'd be breaking knees and ripping out eyes. He'd be making threats and demands that left people cowering in his wake. I don't know what to do with this Kaz except pity him and I'm a long away off from pity for Kaz. You don't pity a monster when it's too tired to fight. You get thankful and then run for your life.

A knock at the door startles all of us. Wylan quickly opens it. Marian stands quietly outside the door, looking concerned.

"The healer says she is finished with Ms. Ghafa for now. She asked-" Kaz is up and out the door, pushing past her before she can finish her sentence. She looks a little shocked. Normally, Wylan would stop to soothe the staff. Instead, he follows Kaz. I'm only a step behind.

Kaz moves faster than I thought he could, as injured as he seems. He's down the hall and to the door just as Ashiana closes it behind her.

"Kaz, wait," she holds up a hand. He stops but I can tell he's glaring at her from the wilting look on her face. She buoys up some backbone and motions to us. "Why don't we talk elsewhere? She needs to rest."

"Unless she's better, I'm not sure why you're not in there with her," Kaz's tone is cutting but Ashiana doesn't waver.

"I can't do anything more right now. She's stable. I'm not leaving. Just taking a break to gather myself and update you. I told the maid I needed some food and that I'd take it with all of you." _Which we would've known, if we'd listened to Marian._ "Can we go to another room? I'd rather not eat standing in a hallway." As if on command, a new maid approaches from the stairs holding a tray of food. Sentria is older than Marian. She stays mostly in the kitchen as she and the cook are sisters. We retreat back to the end of the hallway again, this time gathering around the small table in the sitting room.

"Thank you," Ashiana smiles kindly at the maids as they leave. As soon as the door is shut, Kaz is prowling around the table, training his anger on Ashiana.

"Well?" He really does sound bad. While I know he won't, he should get her to look over him.

"It's not good. The thermal injuries to her upper airways are only the start. The carbon monoxide should've killed her. It nearly did..." she glances at Kaz. I wish I knew exactly what lay in that look. "I've tried to neutralize the soot that is coating her lungs but... internal injuries are always difficult. Then there are the physical injuries. The explosion must have blown her back because several ribs were broken. One punctured her left lung. I had to heal it before I could even get that lobe functioning again. Clearing out the fluid...it's taken some time. I haven't even started on the external injuries, although thankfully they aren't nearly as serious. Most of them are surface abrasions from the explosion and minor burns from the fire. All reparable. I'll start again as soon as I've had some food. And Kaz-" she's greeted with another glare. She shakes it off admirably.

"At least let me evaluate you, Kaz. If her injuries are that bad, you have to have some internal damage. Your lungs-" he waves her off.

"I'm fine. Save your strength for her."

"An evaluation doesn't take much energy. If you'd just let me look-"

"No."

"Kaz..." Wylan starts.

"I said no." His tone brooks no argument although the edge to it, much rougher than usual, gives him away. Still, we all know there's no convincing him. Ashiana shrugs, attempting dismissal.

"Alright. If you won't allow it, at least let me eat in peace." He doesn't move. "Peace doesn't include your rude glares." I'm impressed by her will to stand up to him. Not many people have it, myself often included. He turns from her, moving into the office and towards his cooling tea. He picks it up, takes a sip and sets it back down again. This time, he reaches for the glass. He throws it back, swallowing the entire thing in one go. I'm impressed although I do my best not to show it. He stalks back into the room, as swiftly as his leg will allow. He moves to the door.

"Let her rest, Kaz." He throws a look over his shoulder. I'm not sure if he'll heed her advice or not. He opens the door and pauses in the doorway, his back to us.

"Get back to her soon." With that, he leaves, his footsteps heavy on the stairs. I know what lays in her long, parting look. I've seen it on many women over the years. Monster or no, he has presence and power. Apparently, people find it attractive. Even I have, on occasion. However, he's only ever held that look for one woman.

"So, how can we help?" Ashiana smiles although there's a distinct sign of exhaustion behind it.

"Tea would be lovely. And more food, please." Wylan smiles. This is his kind of woman.


	3. Chapter 3

INEJ

Everything hurts. Breathing is a labor I immediately consider eradicating. No matter how hard I try, it seems impossible to take a full breath. After a few moments, I begin to catalogue my pain - anything to get my mind off the fact that my lungs burn every time I breathe. My legs hurt but there doesn't seem to be a specific point of pain. My head throbs and, even lying on a soft pillow, the back of it feels tender. I decide to restrict myself from moving my head until further notice. All of my body seems to be somewhere between an itch and an ache.

 _What happened?_ I remember seeing Kaz, traveling to the warehouse, entering through the door, going down the hallway and listening to the-

I groan. The hissing. I should've known. Kaz would've known.

 _But he wasn't there, was he? He sent you on a reconnaissance mission and you managed to nearly get yourself blown to bits._ I fight embarrassment and anger. I shouldn't be ashamed that I ran into trouble helping Kaz. His business is usually bad business. I've gotten used to choosing my battles on the sea. I must've unconsciously lowered my guard.

 _That's no reason for shame. You've been doing something to improve the world. Kaz is the same. Just trying to fight for a piece of Ketterdam_. This is where my anger enters; irrational though it is.

 _Kaz never claimed to be different. He never said he would change._ And truly, I never expected any change. Kaz is the same.

 _The only thing that's changed is me_.

I attempt a sigh but it ends as a cough. My body tries to curl in on itself but I'm stopped by the myriad of injuries. Instead, I try to blink but it's as though my lids have fused together. I can feel tears welling up behind them. I huff softly.

 _Pitiful. I can't even sulk properly._ I hear movement from my left and, while I know I should be on the defensive with my sight compromised, I give into the soothing effect of the deep mattress and soft sheets. If they're my enemy, I'd rather retain the status quo if it means they're going to keep me in this level of comfort.

"Are you awake?" A soft voice inquires. I make a miserable noise somewhere between crying and whimpering.

 _Mewl. Mewl is probably the right word._ If I'm considering synonyms, it's definitely time to try talking.

"Yes," I attempt. It is a truly pathetic attempt. I don't even know if it justifies the title of a word. It was more like the aforethought mewl. Regardless, the voice seems to understand.

"Oh thank the Saints." I hear tears behind her words.

 _Why is it that when I end up grievously injured, people start crying when I wake up?_ I don't try to say anything else. I know it will be fruitless.

"How do you feel?" If I could open my eyes, they'd be rolling. I give a soft moan.

"That good, huh?" She sniffs. "I'm sorry I haven't done more. I needed to see - I wasn't sure what else needed doing. I've done all I can with the external injuries. I couldn't sense anything else internally but... I've only had basic training. I've gotten better over the years but I only know so much. Other than a desperate need for a bath-" She's rambling and I think she knows it. She stops abruptly.

"Can you tell me what hurts?" I lift my arm slowly. I press a hand to my chest.

"Your chest? Lungs?" I manage a brief nod. I let my arm flop back down. The simple action causing unnecessary pain.

"I'm not surprised. You were - Inej, that's you're name, right?" She doesn't wait for affirmation.

"Inej, you were dead." That's a surprise to me. I don't think I've heard that one before.

"I - when I got there you - you weren't breathing. I wouldn't have even tried but Kaz..." she trails off.

"I suppose it's good that I did. I didn't think I could bring someone back from that. You were definitely -" she stops abruptly again. I suppose it's good too. At least, we can agree on that.

"My name is Ashiana," she starts again but stop. I can sense her uncertainty.

"Tha-" I try to take a full breath. It's impossible. "Thanks," is all I can manage.

"You're welcome. I'll try - I'll try working on your lungs again. Maybe I can help soothe them." I prepare myself for some itching and possibly more.

 _Well, at least I'm alive._ But at this point, I'm not sure how much of a blessing that is.

KAZ

The Dime Lions will pay. Every single one of them if I can get my hands on them. Granted, as soon as they find out I'm coming for them, I have no doubt that they'll scatter. I'll make sure to start with Greiden. His recent perusal of the warehouse assures me that he's behind this. Even on the off chance that he isn't, a beat down of a powerful member of their gang is certain to scare off whoever was in charge of the attack. Additionally, some violence is sure to release a little of the tension that swiftly grew in me as soon as my greatest fear became a reality. I know I'd normally take a step back. I'd normally wait patiently, conform my suspicions, watch for the perfect opportunity. Normally, Inej wouldn't be involved. Rationality dissolves as soon as she enters the picture. It's a dangerous mindset.

"Find Greiden." No questions are asked. My best spider disappears with silent acknowledgment.

 _Second best. No one is better than her._ I push away the thought. Thinking of her brings to mind her laying on the ground, unmoving, nearly dead.

 _Not nearly. She was dead. It's a miracle she was revived._ I'm not above thanking her saints for that miracle. Then again, I doubt her saints would approve of the actions I'm about to take.

I wait in Per Haskell's old office, my cane returned to the spot beside me. I sit still, almost as still as her. I shake my head, trying to dislodge her from my brain. Nothing but distraction will come from thinking of her and that's not a luxury I can afford right now. Instead, I focus on exactly what I will do to Greiden. Ripping out his fingernails sounds promising. Then maybe his eyelashes, one by one.

 _Maybe I'll burn them off instead._ Fire will definitely be involved. Let him feel what's it's like to almost be burned alive. The desire for revenge courses through my veins. No need is stronger at this moment.

I can hear the Dregs quietly milling about below me. Their usual rambunctious rumbling, frequently punctuated by laughter and shouts, is absent. It's rare for my mood to effect the entire gang but somehow, they seem to understand my need for relative silence. I turn my thoughts again to vengeance.

 _I will hit Greiden first. Then Ruffin, for good measure._ I lose myself in how exactly to accomplish sure, swift, and complete downfall. The businesses have only just recovered from the hit they took from my plague. It won't be difficult.

 _But they'll expect it. They'll know anything suspicious isn't too be trusted. I won't be able to pull off something like last year. We need to strike fast and make certain they cannot get back up._ My mind begins to churn with plans, each more gruesome than the last. Yet, I discard them one by one.

 _Perhaps destroying their leaders will be enough for now._ Another power vacuum will provide the chance for a perfect plan to take place. I don't want my need for their destruction to overwhelm my intention. If I'm truly set on destroying them all, I need a little more time. Not much. Just a little more.

 _And some help. I need a few people to pull this off._ As much as I enjoy working alone, I won't deny my need for assistance in taking on big jobs. I need people I can trust. I need time. I need to lay the groundwork instead of rushing in to fulfill my insistent want to cause pain.

My musing is interrupted as my spider re-enters. I look at him expectantly.

"He's holed up in their base, surrounded by about thirty Dime Lions with ten more patrolling the exterior." So he knows I'm coming.

 _Good. Let him stew in his fear for a bit._ I nod in acknowledgement. While this will slow my plans slightly, I still relish the fact that the mere thought of my reaction is enough to essentially put him under house arrest.

"Gather Anika, Ryare, Fen, and Polian. We're going out for a stroll." He is gone before I even reach for my cane. I straighten my shirt, tighten my tie, button my jacket, and adjust my hat. While I didn't take the time for a full bath, my sponge off and fresh clothes effectively give me the appearance of composure. My minor burns and the lingering smell of smoke and singed hair are bonuses.

 _Let his eyes and nose tell him exactly why I'm there._ Nothing inspires terror like anticipation.

By the time I exit, my crew is assembled at the bottom of the stairs. I make my way down. Several more Dregs are gathered around them. One of the younger ones, a new recruit, eager to prove his worth, steps forward.

"We'd like to go with you, Boss." It's bold of him. I like it. But tonight, I'm going small. I want the Dime Lions to see exactly what I can do with just a few.

"Not yet." My voice is still too gravelly. Each word hurts more than the last. I gather the pain inside me and use it to fuel my resolve. He steps back, accepting my answer.

 _Definitely soon._ He's ready. I almost consider resending my decision and take him with me. However, I cannot be seen to waver. Ever.

My sparse crew follows me out. I stand as tall as I can. My leg ignites fire in my veins with every step. Despite my attempts, I lean more heavily on my cane than usual. Thankfully, the walk doesn't take long. The streets are notably less populated than I'm accustomed to - even for the middle of the night. Perhaps, my reputation proceeds me even this far away. Before we enter their territory, I motion for Fen and Polian to come closer.

"Take the back way. Most of their forces will be watching our approach. Take out a couple of the spies on roofs, silently. Nothing showy. Wait for my signal." They nod. Fen peels off to my left. Polian to my right. I look at Ryare.

"Be ready." We continue.

We slow a couple blocks from their base. We need to be careful this deep in their territory. I can see my men darting looks all over the place. I keep my defense up but most of my attention remains fixed on my destination.

 _Let them see my single-minded determination and know that I've come for them._

I know there are spies on the roofs and down the alleys beside me. I trust my crew to take care of them. I move swiftly to the side when a shot rings out. It pings off the ground where I stood moments before.

 _So much for warning shots._ Still, nothing else follows. We continue onward. Less than a block away, I stop. My remaining men halt next to me. We can see their base from here. At least ten men stand, guns raised towards us, and I let myself have a small smile.

"Greiden," I call out. The name rings out across the streets and I swallow the pain of speaking. No answer, as I expected.

"You can come out of your own accord or you can watch me take down your men, one by one, until I get to you." None of the guards so much as tense. I can't sense any movement from inside. I raise my left hand. Two of the guards fall.

Several Grisha sought me out after their comrades left for Ravka. Either they're recently arrived or didn't get the message in time. Regardless, I've developed a reputation as someone the Grisha can trust. It's served me well. Most wanted out of Ketterdam. A few wanted to stay. I offered them safety in exchange for their services. None of them are particularly powerful. Still, they will do in a pinch.

This time, the guards look around nervously. I wait, the perfect picture of patience. I know exactly how this will go.

I raise my right hand and, within 30 seconds, four more guards are down. A fairly powerful Fabrikator made us a couple of special add-ons to our guns before I got him passage out of the city. Their silence allows my men to remain hidden while mowing down our enemies. Jesper would turn green with jealousy if he knew.

The four remaining guards look close to trembling now.

"How many of your men are you willing to lose to ensure your safety? 10? 20?" I pause for effect. "Or maybe all of them?" I flick my fingers open, palm up. Ryare's hands are instantly engulfed in flames.

"How would you and your men like to be cooked alive? I can tell you from experience, it isn't pleasant. I sincerely doubt all of you will be as lucky as I was. In fact, I'll make sure of it." I close my palm. Ryare's flames go out.

"Come out now and we'll leave your men in peace. Stay hidden and..." I drift off momentarily. "I doubt your men will appreciate the affect." I wait, one minute, two. I cock my head to the side and appear to ponder the silence.

"I'm feeling generous tonight. Last chance. Meet me at my smoldering warehouse in an hour or your base will look like it before morning." I pretend to pause in thought again.

"Oh and" I hold up on finger, "anyone who brings him to me will receive amnesty. I can't say the rest of you will be so lucky." I lift both my hands and the rest of the guards go down. With that, I turn and walk away. Let Greiden deal with his men. I doubt many of them will be interested in being reduced to piles of ash. While I know Ryare doesn't have nearly the amount of power necessary to burn down an entire building fast enough to kill all of them, they aren't privy to that knowledge. I expect to see Greiden before the hour is up.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

This chapter contains some graphic violence and a romantic interlude between our boys. If those things make you uncomfortable, you may want to skip this chapter. I promise more is coming soon!

KAZ

I returned to the Slat and gathered the rest of the Dregs. If the Dime Lions are smart, they'll come to the warehouse armed and en masse. I doubt Greiden will go without a fight. If he decides to come to save face, he'll definitely bring his men. I'm not stupid enough to keep my crew small for this part of the plan. I've instructed all of them to stay hidden. The roofs are best. I don't want many of them on the ground, giving away our numbers.

"Don't watch the warehouse. Keep your eyes on your surroundings. I want you alert to every movement within a 100 yard radius. They're going to come at us with everything they've got. I need you to be ready. Kill anyone you see quietly and leave them where they fall. When they arrive on the ground, you'll hear it from me. Be vigilant and take out as many of them as you can before we start. When I give the signal, start shooting but do not" I look around the circle of men, "do not shoot Greiden." My Dregs nod and fall out, disappearing into the darkness. Only a few remain with me, including Ryare.

While Ryare can't make large fires, he's excellent at small ones. He's rather averse to violence but in the last few months with me, he's become more accustomed to it. I wasn't sure why he decided to stay in Ketterdam until I had him followed home after our first meeting. His girl has family here; not poor lower class citizens but well-off merchers. No fortune large enough to get them anywhere close to the council but their lands in the country produce well.

I pay Ryare well for every job and, while I can sense his distaste, I'm not cheap. He is able to maintain a nice wardrobe and comfortable flat for his trouble, enough to make him look good to her family. If he gets his way, he'll be working for her father before long. I doubt he'll stay on after that. I plan to get as much use out of him as possible before that happens.

I retain the few men for protection while I evaluate the situation. They follow me without question and we depart quickly. I can smell the fire several blocks away. As we draw closer, I can see ash floating in the air around us. When we turn the corner, I see the remnants of the warehouse glowing slightly, the center still hot. The light should be enough if we stand close to it. I choose the right side where part of a wall remains standing. It backs up to the sea, which is probably why it's still relatively intact. This particular warehouse was valuable because it's dock leads directly into the water, allowing for shipments to be unloaded straight from the boat. The waves slosh against it occasionally. It will protect our backs, enabling us to see them coming and only have to watch the sides.

We don't have to wait long. Within ten minutes, I see a group emerge from the alleyway in front of us. While the group isn't small, I know better than to assume this is all of them. I'll have to hope my Dregs were as prepared as I told them to be.

"Glad you could join us," I call out as they approach, making sure my voice carries to my men on the roofs. When they get closer, I see Greiden in the middle, armed and unrestrained.

 _Looks like he decided to come willingly. Smart move. It won't help him in the end._

"Thank you for bringing him," I gesture to the men surrounding him, letting them know I'm acknowledging their expected amnesty. Of course, I never stated how long that amnesty would last.

"What business, Brekker?" Greiden starts on the offensive.

"It's good to see you too, Greiden." I give him the nastiest smile I can muster. "Since you want to move right into business, I'll state my terms. I'd like my warehouse back." He shuffles his feet, either in nervousness or anticipation. Perhaps both. He remains silent.

"Can you give me that?" I continue. He scoffs.

"I've nothing to do with your warehouse. If you're here to make ridiculous demands, we'll be going." I can see he wants to leave but knows better than to turn his back to me.

"That's where you're wrong. See, I noticed your men casing this warehouse a couple weeks ago. Then, last week, your men really got to work. It seems you've been cleaning it up. Isn't that right?" Silence.

"Perhaps for the shipment that's set to arrive in a couple of days?" I can see sweat gleaming on his face in the soft glow from the warehouse.

"Of course, I don't mind someone cleaning up my property, as long as they leave it in better shape than they found it. Does it look like it's in good shape to you?" I ask, gesturing to the warehouse although my eyes never leave his.

"Now, how would you like to do this? Will you come with me willingly or would you have your men hand you over to me trussed up like a goose?"

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Brekker, and there's no way my men are going to hand me over to the likes of you."

"Are you sure you won't reconsider?" I look around at the men. "Your amnesty only lasts as long as your cooperation." I can see them begin to shuffle around him, murmuring to each other. I sigh with false impatience.

"I've been very tolerant of your antics tonight, Greiden. Last chance." A couple of the men move toward him but Greiden's glare stops them.

"Don't even think about it," he growls.

"It's too bad it has to be this way," I start, my voice rising slightly. "If only you hadn't started the-"

I developed a signal word with my Dregs less than a week after Per Haskell was ousted. It changes frequently, lest someone decides they're stupid enough to make a little money off the information. Tonight, the word is so easy it's nearly unpredictable. No one would expect it to be-

"-fire." Nearly all the men fall at once. I see a couple bullets graze Greiden but he doesn't fall. It would seem target practice has been going well. There are yells from the alleys and several other men coming running out of hiding. They're dropped instantly.

"Now, where were we?" Greiden makes the mistake of trying to run. I glance at Ryare and a small fireball shoots out of his hands, setting fire to the bottom of Greiden's pants. He falls with a scream. I nod and two of my men swiftly move to restrain him. One kneels, a knee digging into the back of his neck. The other grabs his hands and binds them. Neither of them attempt to extinguish the flames. His screams continue, growing louder with each second.

"Put them out," I say to Ryare quietly. The flames flicker out immediately. Left behind are his scalded legs. His shoes seem to have melted into the bottoms of his feet. Blisters are already forming over the exposed skin. His cries have been reduced to gulping sobs.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry," he gasps out. "Plea-s-se d-" he stutters, unable to finish his begging.

"Perhaps no one informed you. I'm not the forgiving type." I sniff the air, inhaling the sharp scent of his roasted flesh.

"Turn him over," I instruct the men. They do so, continuing to hold him in place. I move closer.

"I want to see your face while I cook you," I say softly. More sobs burst forth, somehow how even louder than before. I move toward the warehouse and pull out a long piece of wood, the end charred but cool. I motion to Ryare.

"Light this," I can see his disgust but he does as I ask. Flames shoot out and the end of the wood is alight instantly. I turn back to Greiden.

"Where should I start, hm?" I ask, pretending to pose the question to him.

"N-no-o-o," he keels.

"Let's start with the shipment. When is it arriving?" I don't give him a chance to answer before I dig the end of the wood into his thigh. He screams.

"Would you like me to ask again?" I say when he quiets slightly.

"T-t-two days."

"To be delivered here?" His head jerks in what I assume is a nod.

"Good." I slam the flickering end of the wood into his side this time. His yells are going to draw the stadwatch at some point. I need to finish this.

"Thank you kindly for the information. I'll make sure it's put to good use." I look at the men.

"Lift him."

"Wait!" his panic makes the word come out as a pant. I hold up my hand to stop them. "There's m-o-o-re," I look at him, pretending to consider.

"I don't care." I step back and my men adjust their grips. When they touch his legs to lift him up, his screams resound inside my ears. I relish the sound.

"I did-didn't knoooow," he manages to get out. "she was-s-"

"I. Don't. Care." I enunciate each word carefully, rage coloring my voice as the vision of Inej collapsed in the burning warehouse crosses my mind.

"Throw him there," I point to the center of the warehouse where the coals still glow red-hot. His eyes follow my hand as much as they can and, despite his injuries, he does a decent job of squirming.

"No! Please! I'll do-" his pleas are cut off as they heft him through the air. He lands with a crash in the still smoldering pile. I walk away as his screams turn to smoke.

WYLAN

News travels fast in Ketterdam, especially gruesome news. Tales surrounding the death of the recent owner of Perka Rollins's pleasure houses spreads like wildfire.

 _Maybe not the best word choice given the nature of his demise._ At the center of it, as expected, is Kaz. Jesper smiles as he recites the story and I grimace at him.

"How can you be happy about something like that? A man died. Horribly."

"He deserved it."

"Who are you to pass judgement on him? He was just a man-" I'm not sure why I'm arguing this. Something inside me doesn't want Jesper to be pleased when others die, regardless of the circumstances.

"Tell that to Inej. He owned girls, made money off of them, the very girls she's trying to save. Not to mention, he nearly got her killed. So yeah, I'm happy he's dead."

"Are you happy Kaz did it?" Jesper shrugs.

"It's Kaz. What do you expect?" I sigh. I know he's right. Still, it doesn't sit well with me.

Kaz hasn't returned since that night. It's been three days since he murdered Greiden and, while I know he doesn't do well with Inej being injured, I expected him to return to check on her.

As if to accent his absence, Ashiana has stayed with us. She tends to Inej every day. Inej seems remarkably better although she hasn't done more than move around her room. Jesper and I have taken turns sitting with her but neither of us have managed to muster up the courage to tell her about Greiden. We both know she won't react well. Unlike Jesper, she doesn't seem to take pleasure in the deaths of others - no matter how deserving they seem. She is always especially displeased when Kaz does something truly despicable.

"Are you going to see her?" I turn my attention back to Jesper.

"I thought we had an appointment at noon?" He nods.

"I meant after that. I thought maybe..." I raise an eyebrow. Jesper isn't one to beat around the bush. "Do you think we should invite her into the garden?"

When Inej lived here, before she departed for her year-long voyage, she openly enjoyed the garden. Ketterdam is a dirty city, no which ways about it. While I know Inej has no issues with its state of cleanliness, we both clearly remember how much she loved smelling each flower, regardless of whether it contained a smell or not. She said it reminded her of summer in Ravka as a child - sampling each flower they found to discover which one held the most delicious scent.

"It's the yellow ones," she insisted. "The yellow flowers always smell the best." Since then, I have pointedly cultivated a variety of plants with yellow blooms. She hasn't visited the garden since her arrival. With spring in full swing, the new foliage is in top form.

"I'll ask her to join us this afternoon," I confirm. I ring for the maid.

"Have you spoken with Ashiana today?" I ask Marian when she arrives.

"Yes, sir. She said Ms. Ghafa is doing well."

"I'm glad. Please let her know we'd like to see her." Marian nods and retreats deeper into the house. Within minutes, Ashiana has appeared.

She is very beautiful, if you enjoy looking at women. Slim and graceful with golden brown hair shot through with a myriad of colors. It looks almost multicolored in the sunlight. She gives us both a smile but I see her gaze linger a moment too long on Jesper's lanky build.

Jealousy spikes even though I know he is faithful. It's a look many wear when he enters or exits a room, men and women alike. His easy smile and natural charm make him a magnet for anyone remotely interested in men, which includes an unexpectedly large amount of the population.

"Ashiana, I'm glad you could join us." Her focus shifts to me and a real smile spreads across her face. Jealousy mostly discarded, I gesture to the chair in front of me.

"Thank you for having me."

"Of course, we're happy to have anyone here who can help Inej recover." She nods.

"Inej is doing much better now. She and I have done a good bit of talking. Her lungs seem to be functioning almost normally. She still has difficulty catching her breath sometimes but I think that will pass soon."

"I'm so glad to hear it. I wanted to ask-" I glance at Jesper.

"We were wondering if you thought she was well enough to join us in the garden this afternoon," he finishes.

"Oh yes," she replies immediately. "She is certainly well enough for that. I hope she will join you. It would do her good to get out of her room." A look of uncertainty flits over her face for a moment so short I hesitate to say I saw it. A quick glance at Jesper indicates I wasn't wrong. I continue, unwilling to acknowledge it in her presence.

"Thank you. I hope you will join us for dinner. And please, enjoy the garden. That's what it's made for." She smiles and rises, recognizing the dismissal. It's her parting look that gets me. Her eyes shift from kind to sultry in seconds. I'm not even sure it's intentional. All I know is her gaze was much less than innocent as soon as she turned it on Jesper. For a moment, I'm sure I see a flicker of interest reflected in his eyes. Something akin to anger fills me and I walk away from Jes, unable to hide my emotions.

"Sounds like she's well enough," Jesper comments when I remain silent. I try to get ahold of my emotions.

 _One woman looking longingly at Jes shouldn't make me this angry._ Even while I know it's irrational, while I know Jesper is happy with me, I still struggle. After a moment, I compose myself and turn.

"Yes, I'm glad. We'll definitely invite her down this afternoon." Jesper gives me a slow smile and swiftly sidles up to me.

"Let's do that. But first-" his long fingers brush through my curls. I look up at him, his height always makes my chin tilt up almost unnaturally. It's easy to see why people fall all over themselves when he glances their way. I'd like to tell myself I wasn't the same at the start but one look into his eyes and I'm not sure I'm much different.

"First?" I question. He draws closer, ignoring the notion of personal space. He bends toward me and my breath hitches. One hand splays against my back, gently pushing our bodies closer.

"First, we have our lunch meeting." Then his lips are on mine. I don't have time to do anything but gasp. He takes the opening and his tongue delves past my lips, flicking out once, twice, again, till I'm only tasting him. A moan escapes and I feel his grip tighten around me, our bodies molding together. Without warning, his mouth is exploring my jawline, my neck, alternating tongue and teeth.

"I'm all for-" another moan as his teeth skim a sensitive spot where my neck meets my chest. "-skipping that," I manage to finish. I feel his laughter more than hear it. He pulls away slightly, ending the marvelous torture.

"You wouldn't say that if you were looking over our stock in barley." I pull his face to mine, my lips finding his again.

"I don't care about barley," I say between kisses.

"You would if you enjoyed my whiskey," Jesper admonishes although his hands trace a different story along my body.

"I couldn't care less about whiskey right now." I mumble. He draws back suddenly, as though pulling away requires immense intention.

"You may not but I promise you, many do. This isn't a meeting to miss." He runs a hand through his hair and gives me a lazy grin.

"And then-" he grabs me again for another kiss, pushing me back the moment it's finished, holding my at arm's length as if I'm something dangerous "-then we'll work off lunch." He winks and walks to the door.

"Meet you downstairs in ten." And with that, he's gone. I groan. This is going to be a long meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

**INEJ**

Depression doesn't suit me. Unfortunately, knowing you're depressed and disliking it isn't enough to dissolve it. When the knocks comes at the door, I huff out an answer.

"Come in." Ashiana enters and I give her a soft smile. Regardless of how I'm feeling, we have developed a tentative friendship and I enjoy her company.

"How are you?" It's always her first question.

"My body feels much better. I think my lungs are almost entirely healed - thanks to you." She has dimples when she smiles and it reminds me of a childhood friend. Rosaline was beautiful as well. I loved her dimples, they always showed up when I arrived. Barely a year older than me, we were thick as thieves. Our parents had been close friends for years and our families often travelled together. Thinking of her cheers me slightly until the memories of my capture and enslavement slam into me, pulling me back into sadness. What would she think of me now? Would her dimples show up when I arrived if she knew all that had happened? All I've done? My parents had listened, accepted, continued to love me although I'd kept the discussion of my previous professions to a minimum. They had wanted me home but when I'd told them of my plans, my purpose, they understood and agreed wholeheartedly.

"You will always have a place among us," they'd assured me. But I don't know if I would now. That life, the simple joy that characterized each day, seems unreachable now. I will always been marked by my experiences. This darkness I've travelled through will always be inside me. I don't know if that part of me could re-acclimate to the life I lived before.

I try to push away the dark thoughts but still they hound me. My eyes meet Ashiana's and I see understanding there. While she cannot know my thoughts, we have both been enslaved; both been used; both carry scars that no Tailor can erase.

"How can I help?" The look on her face tells me my feelings are clearly displayed. I shake my head and attempt another smile.

"Can you heal my mind too?" There's sadness in her eyes that matches my own. She shakes her head.

"We all must live with these memories. You and I, we are alike in this. I am sorry -" she sighs "I wish I could change our pasts; heal us of these invisible pains. But..." she looks out the window.

"We must be stronger than them. If we let the pain win, we give those men power they don't deserve. You and I, we will be strong together. Come," she stands quickly. "Get dressed. Something casual," she turns to my bag and rummages through it. With most other people, the action would incite my ire. Instead, her energy and determination infect me. I rise from the bed. She pulls out a loose white shirt and soft black pants. I chuckle

"I can't go out in those. They're my cabin clothes." I don't allow myself many luxuries but once, when we docked at the far end of the Wandering Isle, one of the girls we'd rescued begged me to come ashore and into town with her. I'd intended only to stop, make sure the girls were safely on their way home, and head out again. Saoirse was from town so she insisted that I meet her family.

"Let me just introduce you. They will want to thank the woman who saved me." Her jubilation convinced me and I followed her down the road that led from port into town.

Watching her reunion was one of the moments that will stay with me as long as I live. She was only twelve. Her age made the hatred of those slavers so strong, I had my men tie them to the top of the masts, making sure they were forced to watch death coming for them as the ship slowly sank. I don't think it lasted long enough.

Her parents were regular tailors, not the Grisha kind. While they made all kinds of clothing, they had two specialties. Her mother, Aurnia, was famous for her exquisitely-detailed dresses while Saoirse's older sister, Sadhbh, specialized in soft home wear. She used wool from a rare breed of sheep that their brother kept on the little farm they had a couple miles out. He and their father, whom I didn't get the chance to meet, ran the farm while the women made and sold their wears in town.

Aurnia and Sadhbh both insisted I take some of their clothes with me. There was no denying them and I left with several extra soft shirts and pants and one of the most beautiful dresses I've ever laid eyes on. I brought it to shore with me and I have no doubt it will remain in the back of the closet for the rest of my life.

"That's perfect," Ashiana insists. "We're not going out. Just to the garden for a little air. It will do you good." She sees my hesitation and plunges on, refusing to take no for an answer.

"Join me, please? I haven't had anywhere to enjoy the outdoors in this dirty city since I arrived. I want to share it with someone." The pleading in her eyes convinces me and I take the clothes.

"Alright."

"I'll wait outside in the hallway," which is probably wise. This way, I won't be able to stall for too long. She closes the door and I slip out of the clothes I've been wearing for two days. They managed to get me into the bath at the beginning of the second day but I haven't had any desire to change again.

The feel of the delicate wool against my skin draws out a pleased sigh. I open the door and Ashiana's dimples greet me. A real smile, bigger than the last, stretches across my face in answer.

"Let's go!" She exclaims. I can feel the weight of my sadness lifting slowly, ever so slightly, off my shoulders as I follow her down the stairs. She almost throws open the door in her excitement.

"I've been wanting to go through the garden since I glimpsed it out a window yesterday. Wylan and Jesper invited me this morning and said they'd like you to come enjoy it as well."

When we enter the garden, I look around me in wonder.

 _The yellow flowers always smell the best._ I remember telling Wylan last year. It would appear he took me at my word. Everywhere I look, there are different varieties of yellow flowers accented with white. Some have yet to open as it's only spring.

Weeping cherry trees lean heavily in several corners, dripping with white blooms like a waterfall of melting snow. The ground around them is filled with bright yellow marsh marigolds along with daisies and bloodroots, white with cheery yellow centers. Waves of spirea and forsythia function as white and yellow structures for the smaller plants to cluster around.

The walls are covered with the delicate star-shaped clumps of common jasmine vines, perfuming the garden with their sweet scent. I'd forgotten about jasmine when I told Wylan about the flowers. It didn't grow well in Ravka and, although it's not yellow, even small amounts can envelop an entire area in fragrance.

Then there are the roses. At the center of the garden, an arbor stands with a bench swing waiting beneath it. Along the path are yellow roses, my favorite. The star of the group is a rose I've seen only once and never forgotten. The grandiflora blooms are a light yellow with a creamy finish. The smell is one of my favorites. Yellow roses are particularly hard to grow, especially in cooler climates. That it's here and in bloom means someone is taking very careful care of this garden. I walk down the aisle to the arbor, which boasts a climbing rose, just starting to spread it's tendrils upward along the sides. The dark glossy leaves highlight the rose that, at first glance appears only white but, upon further inspection, reveals a light pink center.

I stop at each blossom, taking a whiff of each until my nose is so confused it cannot truly appreciate the differences. I settle myself on the bench and look for Ashiana. She cups the flowers gently as she bends to smells them.

 _This is like another world. A place I could get lost in and happily live forever._ Ashiana meets my eyes and I see my sentiments reflected there. She leaves the flowers and comes toward me, sitting gently beside me. We rock back and forth in silence for a time.

"It's incredible," she says, finally breaking the quiet. I nod and, although we are both staring out around us, I know she feels my agreement. No more words are needed.

I'm not sure how long we stay like that. Both of us pushing our feet against the ground as the bench swings back and lifting as it moves forward. Our peace is ended by a voice calling our names. We both see Jesper turn the corner at the same time and I glance at her. She wears a matching grin.

"So you found the garden!" He exclaims as he draws closer. I can see Wylan following close behind. I nod.

"It's wonderful," Wylan smiles as he approaches.

"I'm glad you like it. I started on it last year, not long as you left. You were right, yellow flowers do smell delicious. Although, I have to say I'm particularly enamored with the jasmine."

"I am as well," I agree.

"This place is magical. You did any amazing job, Wylan," Ashiana adds. Wylan's cheeks turn a little red at all the compliments.

"I helped too, you know," Jesper insists. We laugh.

"He did. I made him do all the digging." Jesper shoots Wylan a playful look.

"I wasn't aware when I left the Dregs that I'd be forced into physical labor." This time, the look he sends to Wylan is more that a little flirtatious. Wylan's face colors all the way up to the tips of his ears.

The easy camaraderie between us relaxes me and we settle into a discussion of the various plants and their needs. It would appear the careful caretaker is Wylan. With assistance from Jesper, of course. Wylan finally steers the conversation to current events.

"Inej, we're so glad you're home," I smile.

"Me too."

"I - we haven't really had a chance to talk about it but I wanted to let you know about some things that are coming up at the house." I raise an eyebrow in question.

"It's about Alys." He looks almost nervous now.

"You see, my father promised her that he'd throw a big party for her birthday after the baby was born. I don't generally care about the promises he made but, well, you've met Alys. She doesn't mean any harm. It's not her fault my father was -" he pauses.

"I know," I say, encouraging him to move past talking about the father that hurt him so deeply.

"My mother has been staying with her. She's much better now and has taken Alys on as her own. She's been helping with the baby a lot too. She was very insistent that we hold the party. So I've been planning it. It's - well, it's next week." I let out a little laugh of surprise.

"I would've told you sooner but..." I wave my hand in the air as if dismissing any implied issues.

"I'm glad you're taking care of her, Wylan. It's very good of you. And I'm so happy your mother is doing better. That's truly a blessing." He nods.

"Thank you. I agree. I-" he looks at Jesper for a moment. "We were hoping you'd join us for the party. You too, Ashiana," he adds quickly.

"I'd love to," she replies just a quickly. All eyes turn to me.

"Of course, I'll come. I doubt I could miss it even if I wanted to," I wink.

"What kind of attire is required?" Ashiana asks.

"It is black tie. Alys had some dress made right before she got pregnant. She never had a chance to wear it, which I think may be part of the reason my father promised her the party. You should've heard her lamenting it's lack of use," Wylan responds, rolling his eyes.

"We'd be happy to have someone come and fit both of you with something appropriate." Ashiana bows her head graciously.

"I'd very much appreciate that. I don't have much use for fancy clothes in my current profession." Wylan looks at me.

"I have something already," Jesper and Wylan look at me in surprise but Ashiana gives me a knowing smile. Apparently, she's already explored my closet. I suppose I'll get to use that dress after all.

It's as we're leaving that I realize I haven't felt sad since I entered the garden. It truly is a magical place. I promise myself I'll come here anytime I struggle from now on. Ashiana loops her arm through mine as we mount the stairs.

"Now," she whisper conspiratorially, "let's talk about my dress." Our laughter carries us up the stairs. I have no doubt I'll be hearing about clothes entirely too often for the next week.

 **KAZ**

Ruffin did a good job of disappearing after he heard about Greiden. I considered looking for him but settled for spies posted around the Kaelish Prince. If he's willing to go that deep into hiding to escape me, I'll let him stay underground and squirm. It will be punishment enough for now.

A message arrives from Wylan a couple days after the fire saying that Inej is recovering well. I ignore his not so subtle hint that I should visit her. I doubt she'll welcome a visit once she learns what I've done. That thought, and only that, causes me to feel a glimmer of guilt for his death. I brush it off. That kind of thinking leads to weakness and I cannot afford to be weak now. While their numbers have been reduced, the Dime Lions are angry and ready for retaliation. There have already been multiple skirmishes in areas where our territories meet.

I hear footsteps on the stairs that proceed a soft knock at the office door.

"Yes?" I call out. The door opens slightly, then a little more.

"Boss?" It's one of the younger members, a tiny girl not much older than I was when I entered the city. She can't do much other than cleaning and cooking but she works hard and that's earned her a place among us.

"Come in," my voice comes out rusty and low from disuse.

"I have a letter for you." I raise an eyebrow. "It came from Mr. Wylan's courier." I sigh.

"Put it on the desk."

"Yes, sir." She steps in quietly, gingerly places it on my desk, and retreats back into the doorway. She pauses for a moment and I look back up.

"Was there something else?" I manage to keep the irritation from my voice but only just.

"It sure is pretty, Boss. That's all. I liked lookin' at it." With that, she ducks her head and closes the door behind her. I give the letter a surreptitious glance, feigning indifference. Two messages from Wylan in a couple days, especially when Inej is involved, is interesting indeed. However, the letter that sits before me is most assuredly not an update on her health. The envelope is an ostentatious gold with my name attractively spelled out in flowing black letters.

 _Pretty indeed._ What was Wylan doing sending me a letter like this? I return to my work, turning numbers over in my head. Who needs paying, where funds need allocating, profits of the Crow's Club, all normally engaging. However, the light glinting off the letter continues to draw my attention away from the figures.

With no one around, I'm not sure why I'm pretending I don't care. It's not as though there's anyone here to judge how quickly I open it. Or don't. I consider throwing it away but Wylan is as close to a friend as I get nowadays. I roll my eyes and reach for the letter. I use my letter opener and even with it, the paper is thick enough to give it pause before yielding to the pressure.

I unfold it carefully and then resist the burst of laughter that attempts to escape.

 _The Esteemed Wylan Van Eck requests the pleasure of your presence at the Van Eck Estate_

 _Please join us in celebrating the birthday of Ms. Alys Van Eck and welcoming her daughter, Plunje Johanna Van Eck -_

I stop reading and shake my head, a small smile breaking through.

 _This is ridiculous._ Still, I can't help a chuckle from escaping.

 _She named her Plunje_. I distinctly remember that title was destined for a parakeet. Won't Jan be pleased? The thought shakes another rumble of laughter out of me.

 _If only all my plans worked out so well._ Uncharacteristic remorse fills me as my mind unwittingly reminds of my recent plan that went so terribly awry. The darkness of the memory overtakes me completely and only anger is able to counteract it.

 _I doubt anyone considers my presence pleasant_. I look over the date and time accompanied by another head shake. I place the letter in the burn pile and turn back to my numbers. Yet, no matter how hard I try, my focus is divided now. Divided by her. A vision of her silhouetted in my window. Another of her hair escaping it's tight coil. The tiny smile she saves for me when we lounge together, deep in discussion.

As much as I want to ignore the thoughts, I cannot help but wonder _Would she want me there? Would she be pleased to see me?_ Wylan hinted as much in his first message. Then again, I'm not sure how much Wylan knows about the feelings of females.

 _Does she miss me?_ This one question has plagued me for over a year. It continues to echo in my mind even now. Even now that she's here, close enough to ask, close enough to tell...

I stand suddenly. I grab my cane and pull the door open quickly, my hand gripping the handle entirely too tightly.

 _Time to go._ I find I can outpace my mind much better when I'm walking. A few of the Dregs look up in surprise at my abrupt appearance. I move swiftly down the stairs, the thump of my cane resounding along with my footsteps. I see a couple men rise to follow me and I don't stop them. With the Dime Lions on the prowl, I'd be foolish to walk alone with so much on my mind. Not that I haven't been a fool before but more than my life is at stake now.

While I know most people wouldn't believe the monster that is Kaz Brekker cares about anything other than himself, I do recognize the responsibility I have to the Dregs. I am the one who made them what they are now. I'm the one who took power from Per Haskell, causing a major change that didn't include a lapse in leadership. I'm the one who started this fight with the Dime Lions, first with Rollins and again with Greiden. If I go down, many of my men go down with me. While I know most of the 'good citizens' of Ketterdam wouldn't see any issue with that, they are _my_ men and I'm not one to give up anything of mine easily.

I walk faster, winding through the streets that are still crowded with people. Past the pubs, pleasure houses, and gambling dens into the more respectable area of the city. Here, people don't hawk their wears in the streets. The shop windows are lined attractively with all manners of goods. I don't normally make it this far. I don't have to glance behind me to know that the Dregs have fallen out, disappeared from sight. This part of town isn't nearly as dangerous and it would make more trouble for me to be seen with them than without.

I slow my pace and take my time looking at windows. A store entirely dedicated to toys emits high pitched squeals audible from outside even with the door closed. The next seems to be a subsidiary of the other (both windows bear the name Bantum) selling clothing and other goods for children.

The miller comes after and I pause, running my fingers along the rim of my hat, which I pulled low when I left the Slat. Of course, anonymity is difficult when the gloved grip on my cane carries a certain notoriety. Here, however, fewer people know of Kaz Brekker and my penchant for scheming and reputation for causing pain. I know the edges of my hat are rather ragged and I consider purchasing a new one.

 _Get me a new hat._ The memory of her, this hat in her hands, hurries me onward. Against all odds, I've managed to hold onto this one for over a year. Now, the idea of parting with it brings a pang of deep displeasure.

I move past several more stores, unseeing until I draw abreast of proprietor of women's accessories. This too seems to be an addition to another store. What appears to be an old-fashioned Draper shop connects the accessories shop with a seamstress "specializing in women's apparel." Movement just inside the closest window catches my eye and I pause.

I see Ashiana first; her long curls hanging around her like a thick veil. I don't expect to find Inej, small and dark, beside her. With Ashiana's golden beauty in attendance, most people would miss Inej. In fact, most people would miss Inej regardless of Ashiana's presence. She stands slightly off to the side, her body so rigid she could be a mannequin. Until she laughs.

Ashiana turns to her, a white and gold fan, dripping with pearls attached to the delicate lace by silk ribbons, held open against her face. She looks at Inej. She must have said something because Inej throws her head back for a moment, lips parted, all of her moving into a full body laugh. I almost step back but I can't, I can't turn my eyes away from her. Her happiness infects me and all I want is to find a way to capture it so I can bring her back to it again and again.

Then I see it: the moment when the laugh becomes too much and she has to rein it in. She puts a hand across her chest and I see Ashiana place her hand over it. Inej breathes slowly a few times then nods. Ashiana withdraws, placing the fan back on the table.

As though drawn by my stare, Inej looks toward me. I can see the exact moment she recognizes me. She stills like an animal caught in the eye of a predator. Ashiana notices and looks up. Her reaction is the opposite. Her smile widens and she winks. She nudges Inej and I realize that in the short time they've known each other, they have become friends. It shouldn't surprise me. With their similar background, there was a lot of commonality to be found. Even so, jealousy lights a fire in me. I want to laugh with Inej like that. I want to touch her casually, in the midst of an exchange. I want her eyes to brighten when she looks upon me.

 _This woman is turning me into a sap._ Perhaps it would be so if the reality wasn't so pitiful. I can do none of those things with her. Instead, I can only watch and wish as we perform the dance my past has written for me. I can only look on and hope the waters don't overtake me when she draws too close.

Almost immediately, I see Ashiana sauntering towards me. No way to avoid her now. She opens the door and looks out.

"Are you just going to stand there?" She asks expectantly. She's always been a little too bold with me but we interact so infrequently that it hasn't bothered me before She reminds me of Nina in many ways, including her audacity. Perhaps that is another reason she and Inej have formed a friendships in so short a time.

I duck my head in mock submission and move toward the door. I remove my hat as I enter, attempting to appear gentlemanly. Something about Inej, so different yet clearly a welcome addition to this shop, makes me want to at least seem like I could belong here. The irrationality settles a grimness inside me instead. There's no way the monster of Ketterdam could ever belong in a place like this.

"What brings you this way, Kaz?" Ashiana questions immediately. I shrug my shoulder nonchalantly.

"Simply out for a stroll." I see Inej's eyes narrow for a moment. She knows I'm not one for casual meandering. Everything I do has a purpose; a purpose she used to be privy to when her presence at my side occurred with regularity. However, even if she was by side night and day, I wouldn't tell her the reason for this walk. Admitting that would reveal a weakness I doubt I could hide again.

Ashiana however, nods as though this is an acceptable answer. I consider asking about the nature of their visit but the words tumble out of her before I get the chance.

"We're here to accessorize for Wylan's party. Well, I am. Inej is being difficult. She won't get anything fun." She nudges her again then looks at me. "Maybe you could convince her?" Inej meets my eyes and I see something akin to humor but it is swiftly squashed by suspicion followed by forced indifference.

"I don't think Ms. Ghafa needs my assistance. I'm certain my opinion of ladies' fashion is severely lacking." The formality of my statement rakes pain through me. Why can't it just be easy between us, as it used to be? Then again, never in the history of our relationship have we appeared in such a high-class shop. We are both out of our comfort zone.

Ashiana huffs. "You're no help at all. Very well. We'll choose some gloves. Inej has committed to those, at least. Evening gloves are all the rage now and Wylan's party promises to be attended by those wearing the height of Ketterdam fashion." She gives me a sly look. "I'm sure you have an opinion of gloves." My hand clenches around the head of my cane. Ashiana is moving away before I can consider swinging it at her. Inej follows with another skeptical glance at me. I have no choice but to follow.

The back wall boasts a wider assortment of gloves than I expected were even in existence. Ashiana moves past the shorter gloves, not even sparing a glance to the wrist-length ones, pausing briefly at those that extended midway up the arm, until she reaches gloves that look as though they would extend to the elbow and beyond. Most are white but the embroidery and beads come in a variety of colors.

 _I cannot believe I am about to peruse women's gloves._ The implausibility of it has me throwing looks over my shoulder, checking to see if any of my men are watching this. Satisfied that we are mostly hidden, I turn back. Ashiana has pulled at least five pairs off the shelves, all bearing some kind of pink and green floral embroidery. Inej remains behind her, eyes taking it all in but she makes no move to approach a particular pair. As I look over them, I'm nearly overwhelmed by the myriad of designs.

 _I most assuredly prefer men's gloves. They only come in a couple colors of leather without decoration._ Much like the black ones that adorn my hands now. Ashiana stops and grabs Inej, pulling her closer.

"You're not getting out of this," she scolds. "You know you need some." She motions to a group of heavily beaded ones. "These would go well with your dress." Inej tries to withdraw but Ashiana has a firm grip on her arm. With a small shake of her head, Inej looks toward the simpler ones. She reaches for a plain pair of white gloves but Ashiana stops her.

"No, you have to have something with a little flair. That dress requires it." Ashiana grabs a pair with silk bows in a line from wrist to end and another with some sort of gold beads that form a thick ring around the end but gradually lessen in number as they reach the wrist. She pulls leather gloves that are white with gold flowers sparsely embroidered on the top connected to dark brown leather along the inner arm and palm. This time, it is Ashiana who shakes her head.

"Not these. Too firm for the delicate lace. The gold would go well though." This time, she pulls a couple covered from fingers to end in lace. Inej pushes them away. She finally approaches the wall. I can see her considering the simpler ones. Unconscious of my reasoning, I step forward. I gently take an understated pair off the shelf.

The top bares a lace cut-out about mid-arm that will expose her skin beneath it. The end contains more lace with a few small pearls in the center of a couple flower-like swirls, finishing the design in large crescents. I hand them to her and she doesn't meet my eyes as she takes them. She straightens her arm, carefully pulling one of the gloves onto her left arm. It ends an inch or two above her elbow. Flipping her arm over to the inside of her wrist, she slips three pearl buttons into place, tightening the fabric so it doesn't bunch.

I fight the urge to unbutton them again and trace my thumb along the soft skin of her wrist. I refuse to entertain how it would feel to touch her skin through the small openings in the lace halfway up her arm. I breathe in deeply and step away.

Ashiana returns, her arms encased in two different gloves. She takes a look at Inej's arm and nods.

"Those are perfect. Good job." This time, Inej does meet my eyes. Confusion colors her gaze. "Now, which of these do you prefer?" Ashiana asks, drawing Inej's attention away. Inej silently points to her right arm. The white fabric bears a long, winding line of green vines and pink flowers from the wrist to a clump of flowers that accent a scalloped edge.

 _I have got to get out of here. I'm considering scalloped edges, embroidery and pearls._ Decisions made, I step back and attempt to escape. Ashiana stops me.

"Thanks for your help, Kaz. We'll see you on Friday?" My eyes meet Inej's once more. She hasn't said a single word to me and I'm left to wonder, again, if she would want me there.

"Perhaps," I say noncommittally. With that, I bow slightly and turn on my heel, fixing my hat into place as I exit. I shake my head, attempting to remove the bizarre experience from my mind. Instead, an imagined image of Inej, long gloves encasing her arms, reaching out to me, touching my cheek, hands in my hair, pulling me closer...

This walk had the opposite of the intended effect. Now my fantasies have new fodder. I head back into the bowels of Ketterdam. Time to settle some territory disputes.


	6. Chapter 6

**INEJ**

I sit in the garden, avoiding the party preparation. I know I should be up in my room, getting dressed for what is sure to be a beautiful night. Instead, I have sought out the tranquility of the garden to soothe me. I woke up with this morning with a feeling of trepidation that I cannot shake.

I sit on the swing for as long as I can but nervous energy causes me to pick a path and follow it towards the opposite end of the garden. The stepping stones are some kind of white marble shot through with light streaks of gray, the edges softened by weather. My bare feet make no sound as I pad along, forcing myself to focus on the beauty that surrounds me. Still, my concentration is broken by stabs of anxiety so intense that make it difficult to catch my breath.

 _Not like that wasn't already an issue._ Despite Ashiana's frequent treatments, my lungs are not fully healed yet. I'm not sure they ever will be. From what she could sense, my lungs felt as though they had been scalded inside, making it impossible for them to function. She managed to soften the lining enough that they could inflate without cracking open. She had to do that while blocking off my lower left lobe, which was rapidly filling with fluid from the puncture wound made by my broken rib.

"It's a miracle you survived at all. One of the saints must be watching over you." I smile at the memory. Our friendship was cemented only a few days after the explosion. I heard her praying to the saints, asking for their aid in healing me. Since then, we have bonded over our shared faith. It is not often one finds another with faith like ours in the midst of Ketterdam, where wealth is religion.

I find myself at the end of a path and sigh. I look up at the sun, dipping lower than I expected. I will have to hurry now. As I walk back, I see Marian approaching.

"Ms. Ghafa, you must come now. Guests will be arriving in two hours. You must be dressed and ready to receive them." Another sigh. I'm not sure why I agreed to stand in the receiving line with Wylan and the rest of their Van Eck's. It may have had something to do with Jesper's frantic pleas not to leave him stranded.

"I need someone to help me enjoy myself. More than twenty of these merchers in one place makes me skittish. A whole line of them, waiting to greet me, sounds like torture." Jesper and I will be at the end of the line, following Wylan, Marya, and Alys. Plunje will be introduced after the festivities have started.

I nod and trail after Marian. When we arrive at my room, two other maids I'm unfamiliar with wait, ready for instructions.

"I don't think this is necessary. I'm just putting on a dress." Marian motions the maids to the closet but leads me into the dressing room across from my bedroom.

"Sit here, please." I take a seat on a cushioned bench, a small table with a variety of hair brushes and other tools of which I am unsure of the purpose in front of me. Marian starts brushing my hair and, after a moment, I relax. I haven't had someone brush my hair is so long. My mother used to sit behind me and brush it before a show until it shone. Then, she braided it into a crown so it would sit regally upon my head, well out of the way. Sometimes, depending on the season, I would pick flowers and she would braid them into it. Other times, I'd explore her ribbons and beads and beg her to include them.

I'm brought back to the present when the soothing motion stops. One of the other maids approaches and they discuss hairstyles quietly.

"We would like to try a special braid Niamh recommends. She says it will work well with your thick hair." I shrug. I've had one hairstyle since I left the Menagerie. I value function over style. However, if they want to try something new, I have no objections.

"Go ahead," Niamh steps forward. She starts at my right brow, her fingers deftly twisting sections together. Every other loop she drops a section, picking up another one slightly farther down. The braid slowly descends as it rounds my head. She pauses at the back, reaching for a black hair tie. She does the same thing on my left side, completing it where it meets the other. She removes the tie from the right section and I can feel her twisting the two together. This time, I see Marian hand her a white ribbon. She ties the two together and stands back.

"Again?" Marian nods. Niamh begins again on my right, closer to my ear. This braid is looser, brushing gently against my neck. Once again, she ties it off until the left side joins it. Marian hands her another white ribbon. They both back up and smile. The third maid enters carrying a strand of pearls. Marian approaches and they discuss. Marian turns to me.

"Ms. Ghafa, we would like to add these." I look at them with some confusion.

"To my hair?" While I enjoyed ribbons and beads woven in my braids as a child, these expensive-looking pearls don't look like they're meant for hair.

"Yes, ma'am. They will drape between the two braids." I shrug.

"I don't have much of an opinion. If you think it will look good, I trust you." Marian gives me a small smile.

"Thank you." The third maid approaches and carefully clips the pearls to the hair behind my ears.

"Would you like to see, miss?" Without waiting for an answer, they pull out a handheld mirror. From the front, I look as though my hair is up. None hangs over my shoulders. Marian retrieves a larger mirror and stands behind me. I hold up the handheld mirror and adjust it so I can see in the glass. I gasp.

The back looks gorgeous. The braids are identical, both tied off with perfect bows. The pearls sit exactly between the two. The rest of my hair cascades down my back, curling slightly in it's gently separated sections.

"That's incredible." I can see them all nodding to each other.

"Please turn around." I follow Marian's instructions happily, ready for whatever she presents. Niamh disappears into the sitting room, returning with a round, flat tin. She sets it on the table and gently pulls it open. I can feel the sinking sensation start, the press of memories, unexpected and wholly unwanted. The maids notice immediately and the top is quickly replaced.

"I'm sorry, miss. Are you alright?" I blink, trying to forget the container of kohl. Every night, Tante Helene would come in to examine my makeup. For months, she insisted that the kohl wasn't thick enough.

"They want exotic girls," she'd remind me. "This isn't nearly enough." She'd watch me as I dipped the brush back into the black ink and carefully thickened the lines surrounding my eyes. I didn't want them to see me as exotic. I didn't want them to see me at all. I pull myself roughly from the memories, my fingernails biting into my palms.

"Yes," although my answer is barely audible. "Yes, I'm alright now," my voice stronger this time. She pats my shoulder.

"Let's get you into your dress, shall we?" My smile is shaky as I follow her into the closet. It's larger than any closet has need to be, bigger than two of my room at the Slat. They already have the dress out. It's clearly been pressed, the lace and frills laying flat.

The off-white brocade bears the vague imprint of flowers over the entirety of it. The back is open and I step into it. They lift it up and I slip my arms into the short sleeves, ruched together with the ivory lace that lines much of the dress. It settles low across my shoulders, exposing much more than I'm used to. I can feel them button it up, each silk-encased button slid carefully into place until it reaches mid-back. Here, it is tied off with a gold ribbon, long tails trailing down past my waist.

It's still the most beautiful dress I've ever seen. The top is encircled by nearly a quarter yard of off-white fabric, hanging freely down to mid-chest, ending with another inch or two of the ivory lace, which I was informed is appropriately called eburnean.

The bodice is form fitting but not tight. It isn't straight across my waist, as most dress are. It dips low in a V down my stomach, the line accented again by the ivory lace. The bottom is brocade as well but it is covered in a sheer fabric that ends in large swooping scalloped edges embroidered with gold. The golden embroidery climbs the fabric with swirling impressions of vines and flowers, starting between each dip of the scallop. The very bottom is an exposed ivory under layer that bears cross-hatched gold lines.

I gaze at myself in the mirror and am suddenly absurdly glad I never owned anything this fine in the Menagerie. I would hate for any of those memories the mar the beauty of this dress. One of the maid sighs behind me.

"You are beautiful, miss. Prettier than any picture I've ever seen." The other two nod in agreement.

"Thank you," I smile. "Do you think Ashiana is ready? I'd like to visit her when she's done." One of the girls laughs.

"Yes, miss. She's done. I think she started getting ready when she woke up. I've never seen anyone so excited about a dress." I remember Ashiana's deep dimples of pleasure when she beheld the dress for the first time.

"It is a rather exciting dress," I add. "I'll go-oh." I turn back to find Marian holding my soft gold slippers and evening gloves expectantly. We found the shoes in a shop next to the miller's. They are ballet shoes and when I put them on, I knew they were mine. Their soft bottoms reminded me of my first set of tightrope shoes. Marian laces them quickly and finishes them off in a better bow than I've ever tied in my life.

"Thank you again," I smile.

"It's been our pleasure, miss."

"Please call me Inej. All this Ms. Ghafa formality has to stop." They laugh.

"We will try, m-Inej." I nod and exit. Ashiana's room is only two doors down from mine. I knock softly and within seconds, her door is thrown open. I stop for a moment. While I saw her fitted for the dress, the finished product is outstanding.

"Oh Ashiana, you're gorgeous," I murmur appreciatively. She laughs quietly.

"I'm nothing compared to you. I thought that dress was beautiful in the closet-" she shakes her head.

"You're going to outshine the birthday girl. Hopefully, she won't be too put out." I wave my hand and give her dress another once over. The big rose-colored bow over her bust is just the beginning of the ostentation. Below, pink ribbons cross over multiple times until they reach her waist.

However, what really catches the eyes are the flowers. Sewn into the porcelain white cotton, they burst forth in different shades of pink and red, surrounded by forest green vines. They weave their way down from the right shoulder, across the bodice, to the left hip. Another flurry curves around the right side, about mid-calf, reaching longingly to join the accumulation above. A particularly large flower, the same color as the bust bow, draws the eye to her left thigh. There, the over skirt is lifted so it drapes over a green underskirt that matches the vines.

Her gloves lay on the table behind her. I motion to them.

"Would you like to head downstairs? I'd like to see the decorations before the herd of guests ruin them."

"Of course, let's go. I know Wylan won't let us help and there's absolutely no way we're putting ourselves in a position that might harm our dresses but I think we should offer all the same," she says as she grabs her gloves. I loop my arm through hers and we descend the stairs slowly.

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, we take a right and continue down a hallway. I don't normally go to this part of the house. The dining room is to the left. I've had no reason to explore the ballroom and the ornate wood doors are always shut. They are still shut now but where there was only darkness beneath the bottom, now light peeks through. Ashiana steps forward and pulls. The door only budges a little and she leans back, hauling it open slowly.

The sight that greets our eyes puts me in mind of a palace. The floor is sand-colored marble that seems to shine in the bright lights. Potted trees are placed around the room, filling corners and areas beside upholstered benches and the long refreshment tables. Every table is covered in perfectly-pressed white cloth, edged with intricate designs that end a foot or so from the floor.

Silver punch bowls top the tablecloths, with room left between for trays laden with hors d'oeuvres that will arrive just before the guests do. The walls are a rich mahogany but that is not what makes them striking. Murals are framed by the wood, ten inlaid across each wall. Together, they make forest that stretches around the entire room, some with animals, some simply with trees. Each wall depicts a different season. Across from this door is spring, cherry trees and redbuds bearing red, pink, and white blossoms. Birds rest in their branches. Snow drops droop below them along with a variety of day lilies, daffodils, and irises. An occasional rabbit in between them. Tulips springs up from the ground where grass has yet to show. To the right of it, across from the main doors, is summer.

Now the trees are full of lush green foliage. They are no longer the perky spring flowering trees but live oaks, their long branches sprawling across the canvases, dripping with dusty Spanish moss. A mother deer and fawn stand, sheltered beneath them. Low grass and a variety of ground covers weave about below them. Several shades of begonias grow in the areas where sunlight finds it way through the trees. There are a few clearings completely uncovered by the oak's low, far-reaching branches. There, sunlight bursts forth, blanketing the area. These patches are punctuated by poppies, clusters of purple verbena, and mounds of daisies.

Ashiana and I walk into the center of the room slowly. I turn and look at the wall where we entered. Here, the leaves have changed. Yellow aspens and ginkgo bilobas, orange sassafras, and red sugar maples, explode across the wall. The ground is covered in all colors of chrysanthemums and purple asters. A red fox is hidden among them, almost unidentifiable in the riot of flowers and foliage.

Finally, winter surrounds the main doors. Here, evergreen pines, spruces and cedars are weighed down with pristine snow. A white hare nibbles on a apricot winter rose. More of the hellebores bear soft pink, white, and light purple blooms, their dark green, glossy leaves stark against the snow. Groups of pansies and violets also give the ground some color.

I turn and look at Ashiana, her face mirroring my look of astonishment.

"I've never seen anything like this." She shakes her head.

"Me neither. It's even more beautiful than the garden. Have you seen the ceiling?" I tear my eyes away from the forest scenes and look up. Long cylinders made of yellow glass held together by intricate wrought iron, green and red circles interspersed within it, softly light the room. That isn't what truly grasps the attention though. The ceiling is a dark blue, tiny white lights twinkling like stars, gathered in realistic constellations.

"I think I need to sit down," I move toward one of the benches, this one a light green that matches the summer scene it rests against. Red benches are pushed against the fall wall, blue for winter, and off-white for spring.

We sit together, marveling at the magnificence of the room, until a maid bustles by, carrying a large tray.

"I guess we should get up," I say, making no move to do so. It isn't until several more servants pass us that we find it in ourselves to move. Wylan and Jesper enter from the doors in the spring wall.

"Ladies, I'm surprised you beat us here. I thought females were supposed to take an absurdly long time to get ready." He gives us both a once over, whistles and greets us with a low bow. "You two make quite a pair. I'd bet my guns your dance cards fill up faster than a bowl under a waterfall but..." he glances at Wylan "I'm not one to make unnecessary gambles," he finishes with a grin. We both laugh.

"The maids were very helpful in making sure we had enough time to get ready. We were just admiring the room. It's incredible. I've never seen anything like it." Wylan shrugs as though it's beauty is commonplace. Jesper nods.

"I know. I walked around in here for hours when I first saw it. There are more animals hidden in the paintings if you look closely. Wylan over here was around for its creation so he is irrationally unimpressed." Wylan gives him a lopsided smile.

"I wouldn't say I'm unimpressed. Simply well-accustomed to it. And most of those hidden animals were my additions. I'm sure my father would die if he knew I so much as touched the murals. But-" another shrug. "I was young and a rather precocious artist convinced I could make them even better. Thankfully, I didn't mess any of them up. Now," his voice switching to a more business-like tone. "Alys and my mother will be down in a moment. The guests are set to arrive in about twenty minutes. Ashiana, feel free to float around the room or enter later, whichever you prefer."

"I think I'll look for some of those hidden animals while you all enjoy the receiving line," she gives me a wink, knowing I'm thoroughly unenthusiastic about the activity. Wylan nods. It is at this moment that the huge doors open and Marya and Alys enter, as if on queue. They arrived only last night and I haven't had the chance to say hello. Alys has somehow returned to her tiny size in the few months since Plunje was born.

Both Marya and Alys's dresses are blue; Marya's dark and Alys's light. Marya's has silver thread woven into it at the waist and below the knee to the end. The sleeves are long, ruched about mid-arm, where lace bursts out of it, the thick folds hanging down until it reaches her hands. Alys's dress appears sleeveless but, in actuality, her chest and arms are covered in pale sheer fabric, which ends at her wrists with cuffs of golden lace. Her light blue dress is covered in the same sheer fabric and is heavily embroidered with gold at the bodice all the way to the floor.

"You both look lovely," Jesper says as he steps forward. Wylan leans toward his mother, placing a kiss on her cheek, nodding in agreement. Alys looks ready to burst. I can feel energy bubbling out of her from several feet away.

"I'm so excited," she gushes. "I can't wait to see everyone. And Plunje was in such a good mood when we left. It's like she knows everyone is here to see her. Her dress is blue, like mine. She looks like a baby princess," she would have probably continued rambling if Marya hadn't patted her hand. Alys looks at her adoringly and I'm struck by how close they truly are. The love shared between them is visible to anyone who glances at them. Alys may be simple but Marya is not. There is intelligence in her eyes outweighed only by the gentleness that is apparent in every move she makes. Alys casts a glance around the room.

"Everything looks wonderful, Wylan. Thank you so much. I didn't think anything could make your mother's murals stand out more but the potted plants really add to it." My eyes widen and I stare at Marya for a moment.

"You painted these?" I ask softly. Marya nods.

"I love to paint. It is one of the few things that can bring my happiness no matter where I am." A dark look flits across her face for a moment and is gone.

"Marya, these are-"

"Magnificent," Ashiana finishes for me.

"They-" I shake my head. "There are so many words yet none of them can fully describe how incredible they are."

"Thank you," she smiles kindly. "It is good to see you again, Inej. I hope you will stay with us longer this time."

"Perhaps. I am very much enjoying my stay. I would like some time to get to know you better." Wylan steps forward.

"Mother, this is Ashiana. The healer I told you about." Ashiana stands and sweeps an impressive curtesy.

"It is an honor, ma'am."

"Call me Marya." Ashiana ducks her head graciously in assent.

"Mother, Alys, we are about to line up to receive the guests. Would you like anything before we start?" Both shake their heads in unison.

"Then here we go," I follow Jesper to the door. Wylan, Marya, and Alys step into place, followed by Jesper and I. I take a deep breath, the trepidation I felt earlier returning for a moment.

"Don't be nervous," Jesper whispers to me. "You could probably dispatch all of them in moments." I laugh and he smiles. "You truly do look wonderful. Better than Alys, but don't tell her that."

"I don't think it would matter. She seems ecstatic. I just-" I stop, wondering whether I should confide my anxiety in Jesper. He looks on expectantly. "I've been a little anxious today, that's all. I'm sure it's nothing." He pulls me into a quick, one-armed hug.

"You can't be any more nervous than I was at my first mercher meeting. I couldn't just make things up, like I did with the oil presentation. I was sure they were going to eat me alive. Wylan spent a good thirty minutes explaining why I couldn't take my guns." The thought of Jesper arriving at a business meeting, guns at the ready, sets me giggling as I try, desperately, not to break into a full laugh. Anxiety at rest for the moment, I look toward the doors as they are carefully pulled open by two manservants dressed in fine livery.

Crowd doesn't begin to describe the line of people waiting on the other side. While they are orderly, the din of many voices all chatting excitedly at once is nearly overwhelming. Another deep breath and I attempt a smile. I look at Jesper and he gives me a wink. I remember his story and a real smile breaks through. Then the announcements begin. Each person, couple or family is announced as they enter. By the third arrival, I've started tuning them out. I focus entirely on alternating between smiling, nodding, or hastily greeting them. By the time they reach Jesper and I, their eyes are focused on the room, for which I am thankful. Their attention mostly diverted, I don't have to worry too much about what I do. The line seems to go on forever, the faces blurring as I spare only a glance for each one.

"Do you think we're almost done?" I whisper to Jesper quickly when the music starts up. He shakes his head.

"We had one of these before, not long after you left, and it took over an hour. I thought my face was going to fall off from all the smiling." The next couple reaches us and we both smile automatically, although mine lost it's genuineness a while ago.

Another couple is announced and they hold up the line for a minute as they stop and happily greet Marya. Many are surprised to see her, although word of her re-entry to the house happened long enough ago that the shock has worn off. I turn my gaze from the line for a moment, looking longingly at the refreshment table. With a heavy sigh, I turn back.

My breath sticks in my throat as I see him approach. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment before a knowing, almost predatory grin, sets in. I brush against Jesper, moving closer to him, as I try not to collapse. My palms begin to sweat in my gloves, my body hot and cold all at once. The memories accost me.

" _I want the Suli girl."_

" _She's new. Came in about a week ago. I can't promise she'll be well-behaved. She tends a little to tears." A terrifying smile._

" _Good."_

 _I'm going to fall. I cannot fall. I have to move. I have to run._ But by then, it's too late. He passes Jesper quickly and takes my hand before I can snatch it away. He leans close, too close, and I am frozen, my muscles tight, my entire body rigid with fear. The press of bodies is so close and I am trapped, unable to flee.

" _Strip for me." I shake my head, vision growing blurry as I try not to cry, and he's on his feet instantly._

"Well, well, what a pleasant surprise. I wasn't aware the Van Eck's kept such sullied company," his words are a whisper, meant only for me. He looks straight into my eyes and I'm cannot look away, paralyzed by terror. I feel as though I will be sick if he stays a moment longer. He notices my reaction and I can tell it pleases him.

 _Hands in my hair, jerking my head back, enjoying my tears._

" _I said, strip."_

"I'll make sure to find you again later. For a dance, perhaps? I always did enjoy the way your body moved." He gives me fingers a squeeze and steps back, the picture of civility. Jesper glances at me and then looks again. I stand, stock still. He nods to the person in front of him and turns to me, guiding us away from the line for a moment.

"Inej, what is it? You're white as a sheet and I didn't think that was possible." The concern in his voice does nothing to calm me. The anxiety that gripped me earlier is nothing compared to the pace of my heart now. It races along and I cannot catch my breath. I'm moments away from truly hyperventilating.

"Let's go. I'm going to find Ashiana."

"No," I gasp. "No, don't leave me." I'm begging but I don't care. I cannot face that monster alone.

"Ok, we'll find her together." We turn toward the tables and walk, slowly, making our way carefully through the crowd. I can see Jesper looking around me but all I can do is look at the ground, terrified I will see him again. We are close to the servant's door and I grab his arm.

"Get a servant. I'll go with one of them to the kitchen." Jesper gives me a strange look but something in my face convinces him. A servant walks by carrying a tray and Jesper stops him.

"Serna," he says quietly and she turns toward us.

"Take Ms. Ghafa with you. She needs some air." Serna gives me a look and motions me to follow with her free hand. I nod to Jesper.

"Thank you," I whisper. His brow is furrowed and he pulls me into a quick hug.

"I'll come check on your later, ok?" I nod and quickly follow Serna. The servant's door is small and made of the same mahogany as the walls. A plant is placed strategically in front of it and it's nearly invisible if you're not looking for it. We descend the stairs and the noise level lowers, although the clatter of trays rattles around the corridor. The walls seem to be closing in on me and my uneven breathing hitches even more.

Down one level and I pause as we pass the door to the lower level. Only the servants come down here but I know that up the stairwell to my right is the private entrance to the garden. Wylan told me a couple days ago that they were locking the doors to the garden so that none of the guests would come in and trample the plants.

"Serna, I'm going to the garden. Is the servant's door unlocked?" She shakes her head.

"No, but I can grab the key. Marcof has it and he's just down here, making sure everything is in order."

"Will you get it, please? I will meet you there." She nods although her eyes convey her worry. I scramble up the stairwell and rest against the door, trying to calm my breathing. Quicker than I thought possible, she returns and unlocks the door.

"Are you sure you'll be alright, miss?"

"Yes, I just need some air. Please-" I look behind me "-please lock the door behind me." With that, I plunge out the door and into the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**KAZ**

No thief worth their salt goes in through the front door. Despite the invitation, I doubt Wylan wants the upper class society milling about to know he's invited Dirtyhands among them.

Instead, I use my in-depth knowledge of the Van Eck estate to chose a rarely used window and slide into an empty bedroom.

 _It's not really breaking and entering if you're invited, right?_ Not that I care. I head to the ballroom and manage to make my way up the servant's entrance without anyone the wiser. When I arrive, the press of bodies is so thick, I can barely move. I skirt the edges, staying as close to the wall as possible. The music is loud and laughter floats along with the notes. I work my way around the room, planning to get eyes on Jesper and Inej, when Ashiana appears.

"Kaz! You came!" I doubt her surprise is faked. I know her interest isn't. Her eyes take in my new suit and I tip my hat to her. As beautiful as she is, nothing about her attracts anything but that from me.

"Evening, Ashiana. I heard you were staying with the Van Eck's. Quite a step up, isn't it?" She blushes.

"Only temporarily. Just until Inej is..." she trails off and I raise an eyebrow. Now she's hit on the only topic she knows could interest me. She looks at me nervously. "Inej is fine. She's just had a difficult recovery. I've just stayed to make sure she stays healthy," she finishing, sounding guilty. Were I a betting man, I'd put money on the fact that she has no intention of leaving until she thoroughly outstays her welcome. It isn't surprising. The lower areas of Ketterdam have nothing on the Van Eck estate.

"I'm happy to hear it," dismissal apparent in my tone.

"She's at the front." I look back briefly. "She's in the receiving line. She's the one in the white and gold dress," I nod my thanks and continue on. Will I recognize my Wraith in white instead of black, armed with nothing but a smile? I don't have to wonder for long. I'm almost to the entrance when Jesper and Inej emerge, heading for a refreshment table in the corner.

I can see immediately that something is wrong. If Jesper's deep look of concern wasn't enough, Inej's shell shocked face convinces me. I move toward her, pushing past people without thought of disguising my presence. I see her disappear behind a plant, following a woman through the servant's entrance.

A woman huffs as I shoulder my way past her. A man mutters about rudeness as I speed by. Another making a loud comment about cripples with canes. All in one ear and out the other. My heart races and my mind urges me forward, telling me I have to get to Inej _now._ When I reach the servant's door, I'm almost run over by a man carrying a delicious-smelling tray full of some kind of meat. He pauses, blocking my way.

"I'm sorry, sir. You cannot go in there." I tip my face up. If my glare wasn't enough, his face blanches with recognition. "I'm sorry, Mr. Brekker. I didn't know it was you." I continue forward, ignoring his apologies.

I head down the stairs as quickly as the space allows. I almost past the small staircase on my right without thought. Something gives me pause and I look up at it. A woman descends swiftly, barely glancing at me as she passes and heads farther down to the kitchen. I turn, climbing the stairs carefully. I'm not sure why I've taken this detour but something tells me Inej wouldn't want to be trapped downstairs. The door that bars my way is locked but not for long. It clicks open and I'm out.

The air smells sweet here. I look up at the sky. The full moon hangs low, pale yellow tonight instead of white. Clouds cover the bottom but they're so thin that even the low light makes them appear to be lit from the inside.

I step carefully along the white stones, traveling down the path as quietly as I can, listening for any indication that Inej is with me in the garden. Music weaves it's way down from a ballroom window that is open somewhere above. The moonlight makes the cascading white blossoms of the weeping cherries glow. I'm nearly to the center of the garden when I hear it. The swift intake of breath, held for one second, two, and then another taken immediately after the first is released, as though trying stymie intense emotions. It isn't like Inej to make any noise at all and I rush forward. I underestimate her reaction to my approach and she almost flees with something like a yelp and a cry.

"Inej, stop." My voice comes out low and I'm not sure if she's heard. It becomes clear that she has when she turns and throws herself at me. I'm unprepared but manage to stay upright as her hands grip the front of my jacket, her face turn into my shirt. I realize she is crying, trying unsuccessfully to hold back her tears.

"Shhh," I'm unused to this. She's always been so strong. It's been years since I've truly taken on the role of comforter - for anyone. I wrap my arms around her, cane clattering to the ground beside her. My hands gently rub her back and it's several moments before she gets a grip on her emotions. When she does, she steps back, wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I-" she hesitates and I step close again.

"It's alright. No need to apologize. Just-" I tilt her face up to mine. "What happened? I've never seen-" I pause, unsure how to continue. She shakes her head.

"I- there was- when I was in the line- a man-" darkness threatens to overtake me as she confirms that someone caused this. I take a deep breath, trying to tamp down the anger. I need to be calm, for her. She covers her face with her hands, unable or unwilling to say more.

"You don't need to say anything. Just breathe." She tries and that is when I notice just how short of breath she is. No matter how much air she takes, it doesn't seem to be enough. A shaft of moonlight, directed from above by the clouds, shines on us and I see she is shivering. Without forethought, I pull my jacket off and wrap it around her shoulders. She grabs the edges and pulls it close. Another few minutes and she seems to calm although her shaky breaths and slight shivers give away how tenuous the tranquility is. She slowly removes my jacket and, in one motion, puts it around my shoulders. I slip my arms in and she adjusts it, smoothing the lapels when she deems it to be in its proper place.

"Better?" My voice is barely more than a whisper. She nods and moves to put space between us. Although she's only a couple inches away, I already lament the distance. It's so rare for me to be so close to someone and not be overwhelmed by sickness.

"I didn't think you'd come." She says softly.

"I didn't plan to," I admit.

"How did I miss you? You must have come through the receiving line when I-" I chuckle.

"Do you honestly think I came through the receiving line?" Her smile is watery at best but at least she's not staring at the ground.

"I suppose not. Should I make plans to lock any windows on my way up to bed?" I scoff.

"You know I wouldn't be so sloppy as to leave a window unlocked." This draws a soft noise out of her that is almost a laugh.

"Of course not." She looks up at the sky and I get a moment to admire her silhouetted in the moonlight. Her white dress seems to shine, giving off a light of its own. "Thank you," she says although she will not meet me eyes. I don't acknowledge her thanks, content to simply look at her. Haven't I wished for a night, just like this? Alone with her, under the cloak of darkness. She turns her face to me and I'm struck by how much I want to bring her close to me again.

 _Why not? Who is there to stop me?_ Still, I hold back. I hear the tune change in the music as a waltz starts and I'm struck by a ridiculous idea. Before I can convince myself not to, the words are out of my mouth.

"Do you want to dance?" She seems just as taken aback as I am.

"I-" she looks toward the house, as though checking for prying eyes. She turns to me and tugs me toward a small structure behind her. "Yes. Yes, I want to dance with you." The emphasis falls on the last word and take off my hat, bowing to her with a grin. I straighten and follow her, pulling her toward me with confidence as we arrive at the gazebo.

When you live with a leg that constantly causes you pain, you learn your limits. I know I cannot move the way a man should when paired with such an exquisite partner. I'm lucky in that the swing crowding the space doesn't provide much room for dancing anyway. Her right hand finds my left, both our hands safe in their gloves. The other goes almost to my shoulder. I wrap my right arm around her waist, using it to push her gently forward so there is no space between us. Our bodies meld together as I hold her close to me. We move slowly at first, getting used to each other in a way we never have before; in a way I've longed for too often in the last few years. I sigh, the only reaction to the pleasure that I'll allow myself.

As the tempo increases, I do the unthinkable and loosen my grip, lifting my hand. She spins, her dress flowing around her like water. Then she's back in my arms and I relish the proximity. We dance together, each innately recognizing the minute queues the other gives, as one song passes, then another. I never want to let her go.

The next song carries a different kind of rhythm. Slower. The notes hanging heavy in the air. Her movements change too. Where the music before was fast, her body matched it. Now, her eyes fall shut. In silence, she gently sways. My hands drape loosely around her hips; not restraining but keeping us together all the same. Each twist and turn seems almost sultry; quiet yet passionate. She moves out of the circle of my arms and I yearn to bring her back. Her hands lift over her head, swirling together in response to each note like birds in the air. The air slides past me as she twirls away. We're not touching and yet it feels as though every nerve is on alert. Our eyes meet, snapping together like two predators in the dark. The distance becomes too far for the fierceness of that stare.

I grab her right hand and spin her halfway around, my arms folding across her body. Her back to my chest, my lips nearly against her neck. I don't dare to touch. We stay together for a few seconds and then I spin her again, our bodies meeting face-to-face as I reel her in. Her body arches into mine and I run my hand down her side, tracing the taut curve.

Too soon, the music stops. The players must be taking a break. We stop too, bodies close, and I notice just how short a distance it is between her lips and mine. She stills and I know she is giving me the chance to step away, the chance to avoid the touch of her skin to mine. I lean forward, my lips nearly on hers. We exchange breaths, each one feels like a barest brush. But it's not and I can't stand the distance. I can feel the waters, barely restrained, threatening to overtake me.

I let out a breath through my nose, a surrender. I can't do it. I start to move away when I feel her hand release mine. It comes up and hovers centimeters from my cheek. I can sense each finger, her palm encased in the long evening gloves I chose for her. My hand follows hers and comes to rest against hers, pressing it to my face. With deft fingers, I slip open the buttons at her wrist. Lightening fast, lest my mind catch up, I press a kiss where the buttons have revealed an inch of skin. She sucks in a breath and then I am backing away, afraid of the sickness that hinders each possibility with her. My arms feel bereft without her. The warmth of her body lingering, imprinted on mine.

"Inej-" her name somewhere between a whisper and a groan. I want to pull her back to me, press my lips to hers, explore every inch of her body, make her moan like she does in my fantasies. She steps close once again. I wrap my arms around her, giving in. I hesitate, her exposed shoulder before me. The waters have held back thus far. How much farther am I willing to go? Carefully, I place my hands at her waist, holding her steady. I look at her, our eyes meet and hold. I pause, unsure again. She decides for me as she leans forward.

"It's alright," she whispers, her breath tickling my ear. In that moment, there's so much, too much. She waits, unmoving, wholly motionless as only she can be. I move one hand up to her neck, cradling the back of her head. I tilt her head to one side, the length of her neck open to me. I huff a sigh softly, gathering my courage.

Then my lips are on her neck, swiftly placing kisses from her jawline to her shoulder, teeth scraping her collarbone. There is the moan, the soft sound I desired to evoke. I can't take it anymore. Even though her skin is soft and warm, the waters rush in and I have to move away, my breathing ragged. I close my eyes, holding steady, pushing back, trying to regain control.

That's when the screaming begins.


	8. Chapter 8

**INEJ**

We probably wouldn't have heard if it we hadn't been outside. As it is, the howls, as though something, or someone, is being ripped apart, are unmistakable. As swiftly as it started, it stops. The silence is more concerning than the screams. At least then we knew whatever was making the awful racket was still alive. The abrupt end to the sound seems to imply only one thing.

"Stay here," Kaz instructs. I roll my eyes. _As if._

"No," something in my voice must convince him to halt because he turns to me. "Come here and help me. You're not going out there with-" I glance to the garden wall "whatever the hell that was without me." He sighs and I can see he's considering leaving anyway.

"You can't go out in that." My hands are already behind my back, fooling with these slick silk buttons.

"I know. I have on something underneath." Even in the darkness, I can see his eyes widen. The fear that should've struck him when the screams started appears now.

"Inej-" the rasp of his voice over my name, so similar to the whispered plea not moments before, sends a thrill through my body at a wholly inappropriate time.

"Kaz, it's just a few buttons. Then we can go. Trust me, whoever was out there is still out there and mostly likely still very much dead." He steps toward me and I turn quickly. I can't look at him. If I meet his eyes, I'll do exactly what I shouldn't even be considering at this moment.

His hands start at the bottom, as though starting at the top, rational though it would be, is simply too close for comfort. I move my hands up as far as they will go, trying to make my way through as many buttons as possible. My attempts are nothing compared to how swiftly his fingers flip them open. In seconds, he reaches my skin and the last button is undone. I can feel him step back as I shimmy out of the overdress. I gently lay it over the swing. If anyone finds this, it's going to be the start of an entirely unrealistic rumor mill.

 _If only it wasn't so implausible._ I push the thought from my mind. Now is _not_ the time.

"Let's go." He stoops to grab his cane as we move past. He makes quick work of the lock on the main door into the house, avoiding the servant's door, which has only two exits. We make our way to the nearest window and he slides out. I follow as carefully as I can, unused to moving with a long dress restricting the movement of my legs.

It doesn't take long to find the victim.

 _No wonder the screams were so loud._ There is blood splattered against the outer side of the garden wall, not 30 feet from where we stood just minutes before. A chill moves through me and I have a feeling that we were nearby this attack for a reason. I have no rational reason to think that this has anything to do with Kaz or me but my gut tells me differently.

The body looks like it's been mauled but is otherwise intact. If an animal did this, it didn't stay around to enjoy its meal. Kaz kneels beside it. The scent of blood is thick, filling the air like the jasmine did just a few minutes earlier. He tips the chin back and it becomes clear the throat had been ripped out. He moves the tattered clothes away from the wounds, looking over the whole body carefully.

"I don't think an animal did this," Kaz says quietly.

"What else could it have been? No person-" he stands quickly.

"The bite marks at the throat are small. The gouges, though many, are thin and short. A dog, or anything with decent canines, would've made clear punctures. Same with the others, claws would've made cleaner lines. These wounds look like... it took the effort to do this; like whatever did it didn't have sharp teeth or claws to make quick work of it."

"But- what are you saying? That you think it's-" I look at the body again "you think whatever did this is a person?" He gives a single nod. I suddenly feel nauseous. I've seen death more time than I want to count but nothing this... vile. To think of someone doing this to fellow human isn't something I wish to contemplate. I have a very strong desire to sit down.

"We need to move. If it was a human, they're clearly not in their right mind. We need to get out of here before it comes back to find its next victim." No sitting down then. I move to follow Kaz as he heads away but stop nearly as soon as we start.

"Wait, we have to warn the guests." Kaz turns and looks at me in confusion. "If that thing-" I hesitate "person is out there, we can't have people just wandering out into the street after the party. They'll be easy pickings." Kaz's look changes to one of disinterest.

"That's not my problem."

"Kaz, wait. Let's just tell Jesper. I just-" I look back to the house. "I can't go in there by myself. Please. I need your help." He gives me a long look but finally turns back to the house with a sigh.

"I will handle Jesper. You go upstairs and change." I nod.

"I'll be quick," I promise.

"I know." Kaz opens the window with ease and slips inside. I brace my foot against the wall but my dress gets caught in some bushes below. I almost fall when Kaz reaches out and grabs me. He hauls me in and I land in my feet, mere inches from him.

"I didn't think I'd ever have to help the Wraith up a wall." My smile trends more toward a grimace. My dress is twisted around my legs and I try to shake the folds out. Satisfied I'll be able to walk unhindered, I start forward. Kaz is still standing in the same place and I place my hand on his chest to steady myself. I give him a questioning look. He smiles slightly.

"I don't know if I'll ever see you in anything resembling a dress again. Just taking one last look."

"You won't, if I can help it. These things are more problematic than they're worth," I huff. He brushes my hair back and notice that the arm of my shift has slipped from its precarious position at the edge of my shoulder. I give him another glance but his eyes are fixed on the exposed skin. His fingers trail lightly down my neck, across my collarbone, and down my arm. He slips a finger under the edge of the sleeve and slides it back up into place. Without a word, he turns and disappears in the direction of the ballroom.

"I'll meet you in your room in ten minutes. Be ready." I hurry up the stairs.

 **JESPER**

I can't find Inej anywhere. Surely, she came back after she calmed down. The servants are all over the place so I haven't been able to locate Serna so I can ask her either. I stand against the wall, near the servant's entrance, looking around slowly.

"This life has made you soft." I was so focused on trying to catch a glimpse of her that I completely missed Kaz's appearance at my side. I nearly jump a foot in the air. I snort.

"I don't think so."

"A year ago, no one would've snuck up on you."

"I'm not sure if you've noticed but this room is a little full. If I jumped at every jostle, I'd have passed out from overstimulation a while ago." Kaz raises an eyebrow but doesn't comment further.

"I'm here to warn you," he states ominously. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Trust Kaz to enter a party unannounced bearing a grim message.

"Yes?"

"Inej and I were in the garden when we heard screams." Now he has my attention. I turn to him, trying not let alarm color my features. "We checked outside. Something killed someone on the other side of your garden wall. Whatever it was didn't stick around. Inej insisted we warn the guests so no one is caught unawares." Of course, Inej insisted. No way Kaz would be in here giving fair warning to a bunch of marchers of his own volition.

"Inej-"

"Is coming with me."

"Of course she is." I shake my head. He almost gets her blown to smithereens and, at the first sign of danger, she rushes back to him.

"Did you even try to convince her not to go out into danger for you?" I ask, exasperation clear in my tone. "Again?" I add, for good measure. The glare he gives me could shatter Fabrikator-created glass. I wisely withhold the rest of my questions that all sound remarkably like accusations.

"Please, just tell her to come home safe." I make sure I put the emphasis on 'home' and 'safe'. As much as Kaz may want to pretend that things have gone back to the way they were before she left, we are all very different than we were a year and a half ago. Before the Ice Court job, we were thick as- well, thieves; but none more-so than Kaz and Inej. It's time he realized she isn't just his Wraith anymore. She may be an excellent spider but she's also a woman and an ambitious one at that. She has a purpose and it's good for her. Saints or no, she was never meant for the Dregs and certainly not for the Menagerie. She deserves a better life than the one Kaz can give her. I care about Kaz like a brother, especially in a 'desire to strangle your sibling' kind of way, but I care about Inej too. I can't, in good faith, cheer for her to end up with someone like him.

Kaz nods in assent and melts into the crowd. Despite his black coat and hat, he disappears as easily as smoke.

 _Let's just hope this isn't the one that ends her._

 **ASHIANA**

I watch Kaz walk into the room with purpose. Even from a distance, I can see his determination. I move in his direction, stopping only when he descends upon Jesper. They talk for a minute and he turns, quickly disappearing into the crowd. Thankfully, I am good at tracking; a skill I learned growing up in the forests of Ravka. My family made a decent living trading goods but most of our food was foraged or hunted.

I follow him, channeling the same determination he set out with. I see him slip through a side entrance toward the bedrooms. I slip in close behind him. He's already halfway up the stairs when I start. I don't have any need for directions. I know exactly whose room he's going to.

He beats me there but I'm right behind him. He gives me a glare as he reaches the top of the stairs.

"Is there something you needed?" He asks, his tone forceful, meant to frighten.

"Just going to check on Inej," I answer as innocently as possible.

"She's busy," he gives me another glare, as though it's enough to send me scurrying back to the ballroom.

"I'll just be a minute." She emerges before I finish any other explanation. She gives me a strange look as she stops at the staircase a few feet behind Kaz.

"Ashiana, what's going on?" She looks at Kaz questioningly. "Why aren't you at the party?"

"Why aren't you?" I shoot back. I won't be dismissed so easily. They're up to something and I want to know what.

"I- well, we-" Kaz cuts her off.

"We have business to attend to." Now would be an excellent time to stand down, back out now that it's clear I am not wanted for this excursion. Unfortunately for them, I'm not good at backing down.

"Oh, what kind of business?" Kaz gives me another glare, this one full of exasperation.

"It's nothing to worry about, Ashiana. Really. We just need some time to... check some things out." I raise an eyebrow. She approaches me calmly and I can see her trying to find a way to let me down gently.

"Can I speak to you in my room? Just for a minute," I ask. She hesitates and throws a look back at Kaz.

"Two minutes," he growls. I grab her arm and haul her into my room.

"What's going on?" I whisper even though the door is closed.

"Kaz and I are just-"

"What? You're what? Cause I can guarantee, it's not the reason most couples would be sneaking out this late at night." She gives me a pained look.

"Please, it's n-"

"Here, come help me." I love this dress, more than I've loved any article of clothing. Even more than the hooded cloak that my father gifted me when I reached adolescence. Still, I haul it over my head but get stuck with it halfway over my head. I can tell Inej is considering bolting.

"If you leave now, I may be stuck like this all night." I try to sound as pitiful as possible. She heaves a sigh and comes over, pulling it off. I throw it onto the bed in a heap. I'll have the maids press it tomorrow and all will be repaired. I grab my city clothes, which match hers almost perfectly. Both are tight but where her shirt is black and skintight, mine hangs a little looser, a soft grey. I'm dressed in seconds.

"Alright, where are we going?"

"Ashiana, please-"

"You're not leaving me behind. I can sense something is off. You may find I'll be more help than expected. I'm not just a healer. I grew up tracking things through the woods. If you're searching for something, I can find it." I may have oversold myself a little but I can see I've convinced her regardless.

"Let's go." I follow her out. Kaz's glare turns even more icy as we exit my room.

"This isn't some kind of party, Inej." I'm surprised that he's scolding her and not me.

"She says she's good at tracking things. And she _is_ a healer." He looks about as unconvinced as she did when I got myself stuck in my dress. She shrugs.

"If you slow us down, we're leaving you behind," is all he says before he starts down the stairs. I nearly skip down as I follow them.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note:

Hey lovelies,

I'm going to have to raise the rating to M. It probably already should've been rated that after Kaz's torture scene. Also, I often find myself going between yards and feet in my writing because I'm familiar with both. I usually use feet for the shorter distances and yards for the longer ones. For future reference: 1 yard = 3 feet.

Off we go!

 **KAZ**

A couple of scavengers have collected around the body but otherwise it has, miraculously, remained unnoticed. They flee when they see they have company. As we approach, I hear Ashiana gasp behind me. It has to be her as Inej would have the sense not to draw unwanted attention with too much noise.

The smell of blood is thinning as the sea breeze weaves its way through the streets. The body seems to be in the same position although it wouldn't surprise me if some of the pockets had been rifled through. With the shape the clothes are in, it's hard to tell.

"Alright, Ashiana. You said you could track things. Time to hunt." She doesn't look at me but she holds her ground well. Her face is pale but she doesn't look like she's going to be sick. At least, not yet.

 _She is a healer. It's not like she's going to faint at the sight of blood._ Still, these aren't exactly run-of-the-mill wounds. She approaches cautiously and circles the body a couple times. While she's not entirely avoiding it, she's looking less at the body and more at the ground around it. She steps back, one step, another, then turns away. I can't tell if her movements have a purpose or if she's just leaving. Unfortunately, I doubt it's the latter. She takes a couple more steps away, larger ones this time. When neither Inej nor I move, she turns back to us.

"Are you coming?" I can see Inej glance at me out of the corner of my eye. If she managed to pick up a trail in under two minutes, on these dirty streets, in the middle of the night, I may grudgingly have to admit I underestimated her.

"You found something?" Inej ventures.

"Yes. Here. The footsteps lead this way."

"There were at least three other people out here, that we saw. How can you possibly know it isn't just one of them?"

"Two reasons: One, these footsteps are all over the place. The foot shape and, in some cases, the soles are in the mud over there, the dirt over here, and are leaving bloody footprints away from the scene. Two, in every area that these foot prints are found, those foot prints are too." She points to the victim's feet. It's then I notice that it, he, is wearing-

 _Are those heels?_ The things one sees in Ketterdam leave very little to the imagination. I don't give her the satisfaction of a nod. I draw astride and wait.

"Well?" I ask expectantly. She huffs, as though she's well aware that she deserves praise. I feel Inej fall into step beside her as she moves forward. I follow, barely a second behind.

"That was very impressive. You did it so quickly." I can see Ashiana's shoulders lift slightly, as though shrugging off the warranted accolades.

"I told you I'm good at tracking things," I can hear a smile in her voice. Inej touches her arm and I see them lock hands for a moment. I cannot see their faces but I don't need the visual to know they're sharing a smile as well.

A flash of memory - her skin beneath my lips - drives the jealousy deep within me. I want to be the one next to her, touching her, sharing smiles.

I run a hand through my hair in an attempt to clear away the thoughts. There is some kind of violently murderous human hunting other people on the loose, possibly close by, and I'm over here mourning my lack of minor physical contact. Granted, homicidal individuals aren't exactly uncommon in the bowels of Ketterdam but few are so thoroughly destructive. That body was torn to shreds. Unless I want to be next, I need to get myself together and focus on the important things.

 _More important than Inej?_ I swear, my mind is taunting me.

 _You know what's more important right now? Being alive long enough to experience something other than building an empire of criminals._ I am proud of my accomplishments. While some might find a life of crime, as a monster, with nicknames like Dirtyhands, unappealing, it is the life I've built for myself. And right now, a slice of my city is being stalked by some psycho with a taste for savagely-spilled blood.

 _Pull yourself together._ It doesn't take long. My only warning is Ashiana's cry. I'm hit by a wall of wind that blows me back at least ten yards. I'm momentarily stunned by my landing. I look around and see Ashiana's golden hair only a couple feet away. I can't see Inej immediately and I struggle to get up. However, the wind will not be denied. It is flatting everything in it's path that isn't cemented to the ground. I stay down, gathering my strength, catching my breath, until I'm ready to spring up. The wind dies abruptly. No soft breezes follow it. Nothing in the air reminiscent of it's presence. Nothing natural made that.

 _Squaller._ It's the only rational answer. I leap up, passing Ashiana. I find Inej beside her, already on her feet when I reach her.

" _Did you even try to convince her not to go out into danger for you? Again?"_

I motion her forward, not checking to see if Ashiana is following. It's then, in the relative silence of the alleyway ahead of us, that I hear crying. It isn't the cry of an adult, someone strong enough to make a gale like that, but the cry of a child. I start to move on but Inej places a hand on my arm. I give her a look that I hope says 'This isn't our problem. Let's go". If it does, she ignores it.

She stops before she reaches the alleyway, lining her body against the wall at the entry. The crying continues, this time followed by muffled words and moaning. Something in that moan sends up a red alert and I move toward Inej as quickly as possible. Before I can stop her, she is peering around the edge. Something she sees must convince her that her action is needed because she steps around, showing herself to whoever is in that alley. I look over her shoulder but remain in the shadows as much as possible.

"Hello," her voice is soft and I hear the crying hitch in response. "What's wrong, honey?" The lump on the ground next to what I assume is a small girl begins to move. The little girl starts crying again, louder this time, and I let out an almost inaudible groan. A helpless, crying child is _exactly_ the sort of thing that would draw a bloodthirsty person seeking an easy victim.

"My mommy-" more crying. I try to tune them out.

 _Unless it's already been here._ That thought gives me pause. But if it's been here, why is the little girl alive? What happened to the person beside her? They sound...remotely alive. The thing that attacked the man had no interest in leaving survivors.

 _Perhaps because they are Grisha?_ One of them is clearly a powerful Squaller and I highly doubt it's the child. That would leave the lump. Perhaps the attacker was held at bay by the wind, as we were. Then again, maybe this is just a regular robbery victim.

In the minutes that follow, I learn three very important things:

One, whatever attacked the child's mother would have served humanity better by leaving her dead. The aforementioned lump draws itself up with impressive swiftness. Blood drips from her mouth and the noise that comes out of it doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard from a human. Somewhere between a roar and a scream. It's admittedly terrifying. I grab Inej by the back of her clothes and haul her out of the way.

Two, whatever happened to the mother bars her from recognizing any individual, even her child. Or perhaps she does recognize her and simply no longer cares. The last thing I see is her grabbing for her daughter. Then, I am running, dragging Inej with me until she picks up speed. I try not to notice the child's screams - and then their abrupt, unnatural silence.

Three, a Grisha in this state, whatever state this is, retains their powers. Wind chases us around the corners but we manage to get far enough away that it cannot debilitate us.

Without intending to, I've led us to the Slat. Once we're inside, Inej drags Ashiana behind her, almost stomping upstairs to my room at the top of the building. I'm right behind her, waving away the Dregs who approach. I open the door quickly and we practically stumble in together. The door slams closed behind me and I lock it back immediately. I grab a bottle of whiskey I lifted from a mercher's house several jobs ago. I pass it around and we all take a couple good, long gulps. Inej moves to the window, her body easily fitting onto the sill. I collapse into the chair behind my desk. Only Ashiana is left without somewhere to sit. We settle into silence for a couple minutes. I can feel a storm brewing before I see Inej move. Apparently, the whiskey added some fuel to the fire I already guessed was simmering inside her. She turns to me and I can almost feel the heat of her anger from her stare alone.

"How could you do that? I could've helped her. If I'd just-" Ashiana approaches her carefully and puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Now she's-" Inej looks away. I know this hurts her. She has dedicated the last year of her life to saving people from evil and that - whatever that was - was clearly infected with some kind of evil. Regular people don't just go around, I wince, killing their children. Judging by the child's response, she and her mother were close. If they hadn't been, I doubt she would've been as upset. I take a deep breath.

"We shouldn't have even gone over there. The child wasn't our concern." My voice comes out hard. A reprimanding will only anger her further but I have to make it clear that the right decision was made. If we hadn't moved, we'd be lying in that alley along with the child.

"Not our concern? How can you say that? A child is dead. We were right there. If we'd stayed-"

"We'd be dead." I finish.

"You don't know that. She was defenseless. We are not." Ashiana clears her throat.

"Inej," she starts, her voice apologetic. "He's right. I'm sorry. I wanted to help her too. It's awful but..." she quails under the glare Inej shoots at her. I'm unsure why she doesn't do that when I turn my glare on her. Perhaps because it's so rarely on Inej's face.

When she turns back to me, the blackness in that look is fearsome. I don't ever want her to direct that expression at me again. Unfortunately, with the way things are going, I'm almost positive I'll be on the receiving end again. I refuse to back down though and I'm glad to see Ashiana isn't taking her words back either.

Tension is thick between us but I wait, knowing she'll calm eventually. As much as I want to take on the role of comforter for her again, I can't. My eyes meet Ashiana's for a moment. I can tell we're sharing the same desire but, whatever her reason, neither of us are willing to take action.

Finally, Inej lets out a sigh and lifts herself back into the windowsill. She looks out at the city and I take this as my cue to open the situation up for discussion. Ashiana beats me to it and, although I generally dislike others taking control of the conversation, I'm glad she has. I think open-ended musing might be borne better coming from her, at least at the start. Questions fall from her like rain.

"What the hell was that? I mean, I know what I saw - clearly, the mother was the Squaller. She'd been attacked. She had her child with her. But what happened? What attacked her? If it's the same thing that killed the first person, why weren't she and the child killed? And what- I mean- she killed-" I can see she's struggling to find a way to avoid the already tense topic.

"All good questions," I offer as a way out. I can see she's thankful.

 _What is happening to me?_ I've taken the role of smoothing over situations twice tonight. Usually, I'm the one causing the uncomfortable issues.

"Perhaps it's because she's a Grisha. Maybe she was able to fight back and the attacker left in search of easier prey. But that still doesn't explain..." she trails off and I hesitate to let us continue dancing around the topic. Avoiding it isn't going to help.

"Why would she turn on her own child?" I pose the question softly. I can see Inej's shoulders lift and tighten. Her body is still but, to me, it hums with agitation, wound like a spring, ready to snap.

"Maybe she was confused," Inej offers quietly, continuing to stare out the window. As much as I'd like to believe that, it doesn't make sense.

"No. She clearly saw her. She saw us. And she made the decision to go for her child first; the closest and easiest prey. If she recognized her, personal feelings were gone and replaced with... some kind of feral madness. If she didn't recognize her, well, rationality had clearly disappeared. I don't know what could cause that kind of complete amnesia. She drew herself up so quickly. If she was as injured as she'd seemed, how did she move so fast? It was-"

"Unnatural," Ashiana finished. "Something about all this reeks of more than a random attack. Whether it was by the same thing that mauled the first victim or if it was truly random, I've never seen a person be able to, I don't know what you'd call it, transmit? that kind of violence to someone else. It's like- I don't know," she stops, shaking her head. "It just doesn't make sense." Inej, still sitting silently on the sill, finally turns her gaze back toward us. It is soft with sadness.

"I'm not sure how it's happening but we have to stop it from happening again." My eyes widen.

"This isn't our problem, Inej. We d-"

"Isn't our problem?" That black, dangerous look is back. "You were the one who wanted to go out searching for it. You were the one who insisted we find out what attacked the first victim. Now, when it gets tough, you want to stop?"

"This isn't just tough, Inej. This is something different. This isn't a regular psycho attacking other people. There are other things at work here and I'm not going to run headlong into danger without-"

"YOU'RE not going to run into danger? Isn't that what you do? Isn't that what we've always done? Or are you just going to send me this time? Again."

"I would n-"

"Yes! You would! You have! We built this little empire by running into danger, never fully knowing what we'd face, but we did it. I went along with your crazy plans every time! I trusted you to be there with me, to figure it out, to find a way around the problems so we could achieve the end goal. Now, when there's a serious problem, one that goes beyond extending the Dreg's influence or fulfilling your greed, you step back. You refuse to engage. Well, I'm not going to step back. I'm not going to just stand aside and watch people die!" She pauses, breathing heavily, as though the words had cost her a great deal of strength.

"I'm going out there, Kaz. Whether you're with me or not, I'm going. Someone has to figure this out. There aren't many people out there that would, could, make it their problem. I'm not going to wait for you to send me out there this time, once the problem encroaches on your edge of Ketterdam. I'm not just your Wraith anymore, ready to run a job or gather information. And I hope-" she looks away, indecision crossing her face "-I hope you'll come with me. But I'm going, whether you do or not." She looks up at Ashiana.

"I don't expect-"

"Oh I'm coming with you. I don't need a speech." I can see Ashiana give me a sidelong look, as if expecting me to readily agree. The truth is, I don't want Inej to go out there alone. I don't want her to go out there at all. Something holds back my automatic agreement; something akin to fear. It isn't fear for my safety but for hers, even though she's made it very clear she's going, with or without me. The only way to keep her safe is to stay with her, even if every instinct is telling me this is a very bad idea.

"We need a plan," I acquiesce and I see her try to hide a relieved smile.

"I'm open to suggestions."


	10. Chapter 10

Shout out to Emjen Enla, MorganRobyn, cucumberpie8, and AshenMoon42 for following my story. I appreciate it!

 **INEJ**

I can tell Kaz is uncomfortable with our shaky plan, which isn't really much of a plan of all. Without knowing much about the thing - or possibly things - we are after, it's difficult to formulate anything specific. The only surety is that whatever it is will put up a fight and it may well be a Grisha, making the job twice as hard. Ashiana doesn't have much familiarity with weapons; the exception being a bow and arrow. Fortunately, her father taught her archery skills as a child. Unfortunately, she hasn't used one for years.

 _We will just have to trust that the Saints will help us_. It encourages me to know I have a partner that believes as I do. I've become accustomed to being alone in my beliefs. I had nearly forgotten what it's like to share faith with someone; of the bonds that are formed and strengthened by the understanding. It evokes familial feelings that run deeper than blood.

Finding a bow and some arrows turns out to be easier than expected. While it's an unusual weapon for the close proximity of Ketterdam, it might prove useful to have someone silently taking down attackers from above. It will also be safer for her.

Kaz finds poison to dip the arrowheads in as well. I can see Ashiana is uncomfortable with the addition but neither Kaz nor I back down on its use. I have a slightly sickening feeling she - we - are going to need all the help we can get.

"Are you ready?" I ask her again, for probably the seventh time today. I know she volunteered quickly and I can tell she does want to help but this isn't going to be easy.

"You can stop asking. I said I'm going and I am. You won't get rid of me that easily." While she says it with a smile, I can sense the unease beneath it. I return her smile, trying to infuse it with as much confidence as I can muster.

"I know. I just..." she waves me off.

"No more of it. We are friends, Inej. I'm not going to abandon you because it looks like it's going to be difficult. I'm a good tracker and, if that thing we saw in the alley is any indication, you will need a healer before the night is through."

"But this isn't your fight."

"It's been a long time since I had anything to fight for. It feels good. It feels right. It feels..." She looks across the room to the window. "It feels like the Saints have led us together. I felt like our destinies were interwoven from the first night. Do you understand?" I nod. I know exactly what she means.

"I do. Once we- when we shared our faith, I felt it solidified. We are meant to be together for this time. And I am thankful the Saints have provided me with a sister now; to walk alongside me through all this." Our eyes meet and she takes my hand.

"Sisters. Yes. That feels right too." I take a deep breath, ready to share my concerns with her.

"Something is very wrong. I get the sense we have only just scratched the surface of this situation; like that horror was just the beginning of something much worse. And I-" I shake my head. "I don't know how much horror I can face anymore, not on my own." My mind needles me a little as I speak, whispering not to discount Kaz's presence, however confusing, in my life and by my side.

 _It's not the same though._ While I do appreciate him, often more than words can say (or I care to admit), there is something different in a sister-friend relationship that shares ideals higher than scraping out a living from the dirt of this world.

"I know. I can feel it too." We are almost whispering at this point; the gravity of the situation places a weight even on our voices. I know it is useless to theorize about it anymore. If we were going to figure out what was going on outside the safety of these walls, we would've done it with Kaz. I can feel her uncertainty as palpable as the floor beneath my feet.

"We will simply have to trust - trust that, despite whatever evil lurks out on those streets, we are being called together to fight it. And we are not alone." Ashiana gives me a long, measuring look until her face softens.

"We are not alone," she says in agreement, our hands tightly woven together as softly-spoken prayers whisper between us. For protection. For deliverance. But most of all, for direction. If we have been called, then we must depend on the powers above us to lead us forward.

Unsurprisingly, it's Kaz who breaks the time of petition with grim news. I hadn't even heard him approach, which is particularly odd. Usually his uneven footsteps reach my ears before I catch sight of him.

We turn together and I try very hard not to stare at him too long. He manages to look uncommonly handsome in a suit, scraped and scarred as he is. Then again, perhaps it is only I who thinks so. Doubtful though. I've seen women look at Kaz before. I've watched them drag their stares up and down his body before recognition, or good sense, widens their eyes and they hasten away. Why I seem to be lacking in the good sense category where Kaz is concerned continues to be a mystery to me.

"There have been more killings. Word on the street is best summarized as 'take cover.' None of the gang members with any sense are roaming the streets. Those without any sense are quickly disappearing.

"The merchers have been warned. The Stadwatch has put out a curfew and those who can afford it are being escorted out of the city under the Stadwatch's protection. I doubt that will last long though." My mind reels for a moment. So much in only a few hours. It was not just us who noticed the dark nature of the killings.

 _How many have died? How many bodies did it take to cause this kind of a response?_ The order to stay safe inside has been issued far quicker than I expected. Part of me is fiercely glad that the city is taking the necessary cautions - and they are necessary. Another part of me wants to take the orders to heart and stay hidden as long as possible.

 _So much for my grand thoughts of calling._ Even as I think it, I know I will not heed the logical longings of my fearful heart. I look at Kaz and can clearly see, even through his carefully-crafted mask, that he wants us to follow the city's instructions - something we have never done before. Something akin to worry _for me?_ clouds his heavy gaze. I turn my eyes back toward Ashiana and smile.

"Here we are, together, for such a time as this." I realize then that I am still gripping her hands and hers are steadily returning the pressure.

"For such a time as this," she affirms. If confusion flashes across Kaz's face, I don't see it, so marked am I by an all-consuming dedication to a cause that thrums through me as strongly as my efforts to deliver captives and bind up their brokenness has for the last year.

 **JESPER**

When the Stadwatch arrived, I knew something was seriously wrong. This wasn't just Kaz with his dire but predictable, and usually self-focused, proclamations. This was Ketterdam's officers policing the streets and spreading orders to stay inside or leave immediately, but only under their care. Wylan's face blanches with fear as I close the door. We both know this is no ordinary warning.

"What do you think it means?" He asks, looking to me for an answer. My vague allusions of concern repeated, ad nauseam, to our multitude of departing guests now seem gravely insufficient. A sterner warning, especially to those gleefully guests, left weaving on the steps as they stumbled home, should have been issued. But then, how could I have known Kaz's concern, or rather, Inej's concern communicated through Kaz, was so warranted?

"I think I need to tell you what Kaz told me before he left." _That_ _I now wish I'd told you before is_ left unsaid. If Wylan's face could've become any paler, it would have. I'm suddenly very glad Alys and Marya have gone to bed. His look would've severely distressed them, as it does me now.

"You knew about this?" I try to ignore the accusatory tone. I know he's turning the accusation more on himself than on me. The idea of anyone leaving his house in danger will wear on his conscience.

"Kaz came to me before the party ended with a vague statement about guests needing warnings before they left. He didn't give any specific details, except to say Inej was going with him and that she'd insisted he communicate her concern to me."

"That's all?" I can hear relief warring with unwarranted blame now. Neither of us knew the extent of the problem, not then, not even now.

"Yes."

"And Inej is with him?" I don't even try to disguise my grimace as I nod. "What about Ashiana? I didn't see her leave the party but she doesn't seem to be here now. Perhaps she's already gone to bed..." I shrug.

"We can have a maid check her room but I have a sneaking suspicion that if she's missing, it's because of Inej. They've been a fairly inseparable pair since that night." I needn't specifically reference it. Ashiana appeared as a constant presence at Inej's side from the moment she entered the house. A heaviness settles over me as I envision both of them accompanying Kaz on whatever job he's running with this mess on the streets. I can see it mirrored in Wylan's eyes when our gazes meet.

"Do you think-"

"There's nothing we can do now. They're out there. Looking for them isn't going to help. It'll just get us in trouble. We have no idea where to look for them. It's best just to stay put." Part of me does want to be out there. I haven't had much experience in the danger department recently and I miss the feel of my guns firing, my shots true, during one of Kaz's ridiculous plans. Thankfully, my recent training as a Fabrikator has eased some of the nervous energy that often got me into those scrapes.

"Maybe we could send-" but I can see the sentence is destined to remain unfinished. There's no way he's going to risk anyone in his service out on the streets right now.

"I think we'd be best served by getting some rest. It's late. We're both exhausted from this party. We're not going to be any good by tomorrow morning if we don't sleep." I can see him giving into his proclivity to worry and try to head it off before he gets too far into it.

"Hey-" I tug on his sleeve, attempting to bring his focus back to me. He raises an eyebrow, already distracted by dwelling on difficulties he has no control over. I give another pull, this one more forceful, causing him to stumble slightly towards me.

"What-" I cut off his question as my lips cover his. I can feel him tense for a moment, wanting to remain focused on the problems at hand. It only takes a few seconds before he relaxes and moves closer. I run my hand down his back, pushing him flush against me. Another moment more and he responds with increased fervor. I pull away, my hands on his shoulders to keep him from approaching again. I can see his confusion and a grin quirks up the sides of my mouth. I run my hand down the lapels of his jacket, flipping the buttons below open easily. I imagine what it'd be like to strip him right here, in this gigantic ballroom. Unfortunately, I don't think the floor would be kind of either of us, regardless of what position we decided upon.

"I think it's time to go upstairs." I tug his shirt tails from his pants, eager to undress him even as the words leave my mouth, leaving him looking deliciously disheveled. I don't want for an answer as I turn on my heel and head toward the doors that hide the stairs to the upper rooms. I don't have to turn and look to know he's following.


	11. Chapter 11

SPECIAL thanks to KittyPretty206, fleur, AshenMoon42, and my lovely unnamed guest for their reviews. Y'all make my day.

Also, an original character of your name choice (can't decide what they do though) to the first person who can figure out what's going on with these killings.

 **KAZ**

 _This is a very bad idea._ Even as I think it, I know I'm going to continue on what may very well be a suicide mission. There's no way I'm leaving Inej alone and there's no hope of her giving up this sorely-lacking plan.

The streets are disturbingly quiet as we sneak about from rooftop to rooftop. The sky has moved from black to a deep royal blue. The bone white crescent hugging the base of the moon looks like a thin-lipped smile. The stars are hidden, as always, by the thick smog that constantly covers Ketterdam. The weak light turns the building's angles into a soft grey instead of fathomless darkness. I can barely see Inej in front of Ashiana, her form sliding silently from shadow to shadow. Ashiana is keeping surprisingly quiet. I assumed she'd scramble loudly up every edge and give our position away several streets ago. I hoped her noisemaking would convince Inej to turn back. Unfortunately, she's failed both of those expectations.

Inej stops at the next ledge. I can see her head turning slightly, trying to glance unnoticed at Ashiana. I look ahead and see her concern. The gap between our roof and the next is long. She can make it with ease. Practiced as I am, I can probably make it as well. I know it's Ashiana that gives her pause.

"I'm going to go ahead and-"

"No," I whisper as firmly as possible. There is absolutely no way I'm letting her out of my sight. Wraith or no, she cannot handle an addled Grisha on her own. I don't think we can handle one together either but her chances would be slightly better if I'm there to create a distraction. I push away the self-sacrificing thought as quickly as I can. I need to remain focused on staying alive as long as possible. Planning on currently unnecessary selflessness isn't going to benefit anyone at the moment.

"I'm just going to check the other side and come back. Stay with Ashiana."

"Inej, I said-" She jumps before I can finish my sentence. I don't even try to hold in my low growl. I turn my glare onto Ashiana as Inej disappears over the roof top. She is studiously avoiding my gaze, watching the roof with undue intensity.

It takes less than a minute for Inej to reappear. Ashiana and I both release a soft sigh of relief. Inej leaps back onto our rooftop, her knees bending low to cushion her landing.

"There's nothing over there." She turns to the rooftop we crossed to get her and motions to the right of it. "Let's go that way. Toward the docks." I want to argue but she moves before I can start. Ashiana and I have no choice but to follow. The way to the docks is relatively easy, the buildings lower and close together. We quickly reach an easy view of the ocean. The docks are suspiciously empty. Only a few ships remain rocking in the harbor.

"I thought you said people were leaving?" She whispers.

"I was told they were. Perhaps they've already evacuated. There aren't many boats left." We wait, watching for several minutes before I propose we turn around.

"There's no one here. Let's-" Inej touches my sleeve, silencing me. I listen, waiting for the reason she's stopped me. Then I hear it, soft footsteps approaching below. A small group of people enter the docks, heading straight for one of the remaining boats. It isn't large but there are only a few of them. They load up quickly, conspicuously free of luggage. With only a few whispered instructions, they set out. They reach the end of the harbor, almost to the entry of the ocean when a wave, abrupt, unexpected, and massive, rises to block their way. None of us can stop the gasps that escape as the water crashes down on the boat, destroying it in seconds. Despite it's size and force, the water calms immediately, only a few splashes give away that it happened at all.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ashiana grab Inej. Words flow from them and some distant part of my mind registers that they're praying. The rest of my consciousness is dedicated to sorting through the details of what we just saw. There is only one clear answer.

 _The Council. They got to the Council of the Tides._ Whatever is infecting people, Grisha specifically, overran the highly protected tower that housed the Council.

"We need to move. Now." I pull Inej along behind me, knowing Ashiana will follow. We jump hurriedly from rooftop to rooftop, not stopping to talk. Inej steps ahead and we arrive back at the Slat with much more swiftness than we left. I stop them both before they jump down, listening for signs of life from the Slat. All sounds relatively normal, lights are still flickering and muted voices leach out of the building.

"Wait here." I climb down as quietly as I can and press my back against the wall, waiting, watching for any shadows that are moving in the gradually growing light of day. Nothing stirs around me and I peak inside the window. I watch as a couple of the Dregs move about inside before I motion for Inej and Ashiana to meet me at the window to my room at the top of the building. I watch them both traverse the roof and arrive there. Inej slides the window open and they slip inside. I follow as swiftly as I can, careful of my leg that started aching about twenty jumps into the night.

By the time I pull myself through, they're both standing inside, leaning against each other. I shut the window and lock it back. I look at Inej as she moves past me, lifting herself into the window sill behind me. Ashiana collapses into my chair and I find I don't mind. As much as my leg aches, I prefer to pace.

"It's the Council," I state with finality.

"I know," Inej replies.

"How did they-" Ashiana starts but the horror struck look on her face accounts for the unfinished question.

"I don't know. But if they can get in there, they can get in anywhere." Inej looks at me then and I see something like fear flash across her face before it goes blank again.

"We need to find a way to strengthen our defenses. If we can't do that, we have to move. Now." Inej's voice is hard, refusing any alternative. We both look at Ashiana, who looks paler than I've ever seen her.

"Go downstairs and get something to eat," I instruct her and she nods, getting up and silently moving toward the door without argument. She shuts it softly behind her. I turn back to Inej.

"We'll go across the roofs in groups," I state, not expecting any argument from her either.

"We're not going to try and stay here?"

"There's no way we can fortify this place without going out for supplies and I'm not sending anyone out on errands."

"Where will we go?"

"Wylan's. It's got the best defense. If Jesper's been working on his Fabrikating like he said he would, perhaps he can work on their windows and doors. I've got another Fabrikator, a girl. She's not much but maybe between the two of them, they can get through the first floor." She nods.

"I'll go now and tell him we're coming. You get everyone together. I'll scout the best route on my way back." I'm not used to taking orders from anyone, especially not orders I wholly disagree with.

"No. I'll go." She raises an eyebrow.

"You know you can't get there and back as quickly as I can. And your leg-" I wasn't aware she'd noticed but it shouldn't surprise me. "It's not the wise thing to do, Kaz." I know she's right but I can't let her go out there, not by herself, not now.

"Then you wait for the first group. Wylan isn't going to turn you down, regardless of who you show up with."

"I need to figure out the route. It wouldn't do for a bunch of us to go leaping across roofs, attracting attention, only to have to go back because the distances are too far." A mild amount of panic constricts my heart and settles into determination.

"No-" she holds up her hand.

"You have to stop treating me like I'm going to break, Kaz."

"I'm not worried you're going to break. Break I can handle. I'm worried you're going to die." The confession surprises both of us. A small smile slips briefly across her face, somehow brightening the tense atmosphere.

"Oh really? When did that start?" _When you almost died because of me._ Those words stay locked behind my lips this time. As though she can read my thoughts, her eyes soften and she looks at me with a kindness I do not deserve.

"Kaz, we have always taken risks. I placed my life in the hands of a higher power the first time I walked across a tightrope. I did so again when I signed on as your Wraith. I continued to do it when I decided to hunt slavers. My entire life has been a series of risks, some necessary, most not. Trying to stop that path now is pointless. It's not going to change my course. I have chosen this life, or perhaps it has chosen me. Whatever the reason, this tendency to danger is part of who I am. And, no matter what you may feel, I don't think you want to change this part of me. Not really." I hesitate, knowing what she says is true; knowing that to argue would be to push her perilously close to either anger or dismissal - both of which could cause her to disappear out the window. That is a not risk I'm willing to take.

 _But she would be safer by herself. Would you rather her be with you or be safe?_ Unfortunately, I think the two options are mutually exclusive and I am nothing if not selfish. If she can sense my indecision, she doesn't show it. She stays still, waiting patiently for my answer. I try to gather my thoughts, to form an answer that will communicate that I understand but that I also care about her safety and need her to stay until she can go with someone, preferably me.

Without warning, she surges forward with the unexpected speed I've come to associate with my Wraith. Her lips are on mine one moment, her hands in my hair, and the next she steps back, gauging my reaction. My body, unable to truly register the fleeting feeling, remains free of the dreaded sinking I've come to expect from such contact.

Although I know I shouldn't, the knowledge that I could not hold back the waters the last time I pulled her back to me flashing to the forefront of my memory, I step forward. She doesn't back away but stays perfectly motionless, as though rooted to the spot, as I draw near. I lift my hands into the slight space between us and, with quick, careful precision, remove my gloves. I let them fall to the ground. I don't want anything blocking this contact, regardless of the consequences. I feel her sigh and, without looking up, I know it is one of acknowledgment. Neither of us want any armor in the way.

I don't take another step closer, hoping the extra inch of space will offer some protection from the sickness. I don't meet the stare I can feel searching my face for signs of intention, as though I can trick my mind into ignoring her proximity by keeping my gaze elsewhere. My right hand reaches, slowly, not touching the skin, and twists the soft hair at the nape of her neck around my fingers. Still stable, still free from any issues, my hand slides deeper in her hair, cradling the back of her head.

My other hand moves to her waist, holding her in place lest she fall prey to the desire I'm fighting and close the distance between us. My eyes lift to her collarbone, her neck - so warm and soft before - her lips, lingering there for a moment, until finally, our eyes meet.

"Inej, I-" But in looking at her, I lose the words I want to say. Somehow, she seems to understand the pause and her eyelids flutter closed, her eyelashes laying long and dark against her skin.

"I cannot bear to lose you," the whispered admission seems to loosen something in me and I slide a few centimeters forward, so close her warmth is tangible.

"Nor I, you." Her breath brushes over my lips as the words leave her mouth and I can't stop myself. I pull her to me, my arm wrapping around her waist, my hand in her hair holding her still as I press myself against her, my lips crashing into hers with a force held too long at bay. I feel her hand on my back, the other at my neck, clinging to me as I rush into the kiss I've wanted, craved, envisioned countless times. I'm so focused on my fantasy come to life that I continue, heedless of the hazard I'm leaning dangerously close to. My teeth scrape her bottom lip and her mouth opens to me with a moan. My tongue delves in, desperate to explore every inch of her.

I feel her body move against mine, shifting ever so slightly, and my hand drops below her waist, holding her in place as I mimic the motion. It's this, the barest movement of our bodies together, that brings me back to reality. I rip myself away, stumbling back as I turn from her. I nearly collapse, sweat soaking me instantly as the cold water, the dead flesh of my brother intrudes upon, poisons, this moment.

"Kaz-" Every sense is amplified and I can hear her nearly soundless step forward.

"Go." My hand finds the edge of my desk and I lean against it, locking my knees into place, refusing to fall. I resist the rolling in my stomach that urges me to empty it of its contents.

 _Will I never be free of this?_ The thought of never being able to touch her, kiss her, without this effect nearly brings me to my knees more effectively than any bodily weakness.

"Kaz, please, let me-"

"I said 'Go'!" I hate the wretched tone that the hopelessness wrenches from me. The despair clears my mind of anything other than the necessity of being alone in my torment. It isn't until I feel a gentle breeze against my face that I realize she's gone.


	12. Chapter 12

**WYLAN**

It's almost always Jesper that hops out of bed first when a knock comes at our door during unusual hours of the night. However, my mind is still up and running on anxiety-driven thoughts. Not only are Inej and Ashiana gone in the midst of this mess but we don't know any real details.

"Mr. Van Eck," a voice calls quietly from the other side of the door. I roll my eyes. _How many times do I have to tell them to call me Wylan?_

"Coming." Jesper turns over and I hear him slide out of bed as I slip into the pants I hastily discarded earlier. I open the door and blink at the bright light. As my vision focuses, I see Inej standing behind a harried-looking maid.

"Oh thank the Saints you're alright." Inej gives me a small smile. I glance at the maid and motion her away with a quick 'thank you'. I feel Jesper's presence behind me as he pushes the door farther open so he can slouch in the doorway.

"I'm glad you're not dead," he says, by way of greeting. Inej's smile grows larger but the serious line of her brow doesn't fade from her face.

"I could say the same of you. Things are..." Jesper finishes for her.

"Very bad. Yes, we heard. The Stadwatch was here a couple hours ago. Care to shed any light on the situation?" She nods.

"May I come in?" I walk back into our room and she follows me into the study that is connected to the bedroom, Jesper close on her heels. Although I led us in here so we could make use of the chairs, none of us sit.

"I'll make the summary short. I have to get back to the Slat."

"You're leaving?"

"I have to. I'm- well- here's what's happened so far. Kaz and I heard screams while we were outside in the garden during the party. When we investigated, we found a body that was... mauled. Horribly. We came back so I could change and Ashiana insisted on coming with us. We tracked whatever it was that killed the first victim and found..." she winces "two more victims although one, well, neither of them were dead when we got there. I tried to-" I can see deep pain on her face before she pulls it together and continues.

"One of them was killed by the other. It was... a mother turned on her own child. I don't know why but it was like- I don't know if she didn't recognize her or- I'm not sure. We'll talk about it more later. Kaz and Ashiana should be involved in the conversation. Kaz is... a little more impartial." I sink into a chair.

"Is that all?"

"Not even half of it. When we got to the Slat, we decided to go back out and check the city. It was- you know, by daybreak there are usually vendors setting up their wares. The city was- is- empty."

"I'm not surprised. The Stadwatch has been going around warning people to stay inside," I say as I run my hand through my hair.

"As well they should. When we got to the docks, it was mostly empty. Only a couple boats left. We figured people had already evacuated."

"So quickly?" Inej nods.

"We thought it was strange too but since the Stadwatch was so prompt in their warnings, we thought perhaps- well, I think people tried to evacuate quickly but-" She takes a deep breath.

"A group approached a boat while we were there. We watched them head out of the harbor. They were about to reach the ocean when- they were- this massive wave stopped them and destroyed their boat. The boat, the people, they were just gone. And the waters, they calmed as though nothing had happened."

"What? How is that even possible?" Jesper and I exchange a look after my question spills out.

"We think- it has to be the Council. Nothing else could have caused it." Inej looks a little panicked at her answer. It's the first time I've ever seen that look cross her face and it frightens me more than her words.

"But why? Why would the Council do that?" My words rush out as my anxiety builds.

"I think-" another steadying breath "whatever got to the woman we saw turn on her child must have gotten to the Council."

"That's impossible," Jesper says but his voice doesn't hold the conviction his words imply.

"I know what I saw and unless the Council has some reason to be killing people so they can't leave... I can't think of anything else that could cause such destruction." Jesper sits in the chair next to me, his head in his hands for a moment before he poses a question.

"What do we do now?"

"We fortify your house."

"What?" My question is hastily, harshly, pushed out as my eyes widen.

"You house has the best defense. The Slat... we can't protect ourselves there."

And you think my house is better because...?"

"You have thick walls. Gates. The Slat is just a wooden building." My mind whirls and I try not to get too overwhelmed.

"Ok. When do Kaz and Ashiana arrive?" I'm glad Jesper has taken the initiative. I don't think I could voice anything right now.

"It's not just them..."

"No. Absolutely not." I look up, unsure what they mean.

"We have to, Jes. They have nowhere else to go."

"We're not letting a bunch of thieves and gang members in this house." I look at Inej, hoping she will deny what Jesper is insinuating.

"Wylan, Jesper, please try to understand. These people- they'll die if the stay there. All of them."

"This isn't some kind of boarding house, Inej. This is our home." Jesper responds, his voice rising.

"I know but- think of it this way. The more hands we have, the better protected we'll be. They know how to fight."

"Then let them stay there and fight," Jesper argues, his voice firm. I start to shake my head. If the situation is as dire as Inej is making it out to be, I can't deny these people a place to stay.

"Jesper, are you willing to let a bunch of people die so you can keep your house a sanctuary for the few you deem acceptable? There are children there, Jes. They may have joined the gang but it was only for protection. Some of them have never fought a day in their life."

"Ok," my voice is soft but both of them turn to me.

"Wylan, we can't-" I hold up my hand to stop him.

"I can't in good conscience deny them a place to stay. It's just a house, Jes. A building is nothing compared to people's lives."

"Thank you, Wylan," Inej says quickly, cutting off any response from Jesper. "There's something else."

"Whatever it is, the answer is no," I can tell Jesper is becoming as anxious as I am. I place a hand on his arm.

"What?"

"Jesper, I hope you've been practicing. We need you to try and strengthen the doors and windows. If you can't, board them up. Don't let anyone leave. I'm bringing another Fabrikator. She isn't strong but maybe between the two of you..."

"This is insane," Jesper says quietly.

"I know it's a lot. Please know, I understand. But because I understand the depth of the issue, or at least some of it, I know what we have do if we want to have a chance to defend ourselves."

"Is that all?" I ask, trying to keep the fear out of my tone.

"For now, yes. I'm going to scout the way back. I need to find a good route that everyone will be able to handle. I'll bring them back as soon as I can. Please start working on the doors and windows. I know you just woke up but the sooner you can start, the better."

"Ok. We'll see you soon. Be safe." With a nod, she moves through the doorway into our bedroom.

"Don't open the door. Any door. I don't care what you hear, do not open any doors. Or windows. I'll lead the group back through the servant's door to the garden. I can unlock it easily so keep it locked for now." She doesn't wait for an answer and before I can consider formulating one, she's gone.

Jesper and I sit in silence for several minutes, trying to process what we've just learned. Jesper breaks it first.

"Well, it's worse than I thought," he says in a tone I can only characterize as dejected. I don't think I've ever heard that tone from him before. It's a night of unfortunate firsts from all of us.

"I don't think anyone could have imagined this kind of..." I'm at a loss for how to describe the chaos we- no, the entire city- is in.

"I guess I need to start- I need something to eat before I try to do anything."

"I need a drink." I'm not one to drink during difficult times but this is more than just distressing. It's not just a problem with a job. Even when we were facing probable death on the Ice Court job, there was at least somewhere to escape to. Now, it feels like there's nowhere to run, no truly safe place.

"I'd join you but I think I'm going to need all the focus I've got to manage the kind of Fabrikation Inej is asking for. If it's really that bad..."

"She wouldn't have told us anything that isn't true. Inej isn't one to exaggerate."

"I know. That's what worries me," he says as he stands. I follow suit as he heads for the door.

"Jes." In one motion, he turns and pulls me to him. I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling his chest rise with each breath and taking comfort in the steady rhythm.

"I'm going to do the best I can."

"I know." I understand that it's all he can offer. He isn't one to make insincere platitudes, no matter how much pacifying I may need.

"I'm about ready to start praying to Inej's Saints." While I know he's trying to lighten the mood, I'm not exactly uninterested in the idea. Inej has survived several near-death experiences. There may be something to her Saints. I file the thought away for another time. Right now, we need to focus on the issues at hand.

"I'm going to have the servants clear out the extra rooms. It sounds like we're going to need all the space we can get. After they arrive, I'll let Inej know we need bedrolls or something. We can set some people up in the living rooms if they have those." My mind is already scrolling through the necessary tasks when Jesper pulls away.

"I'll see you soon," he says as he grabs a different shirt from the dresser. I look down at my clothes for a moment and head into the closet. I'd rather not be roaming around the house in last night's clothing. The off-white button-down shirt and tan pants are well-tailored and, if we manage to make it through this mess, I'd like to wear them again.

By the time I pull on a soft grey shirt and some black pants, Jesper is gone. I pause for a moment, letting everything I've heard sink in. As the overwhelming feeling of dread starts to rise, I move toward the door. Time to do something. Standing around running through worst-case scenarios isn't going to help anyone. I head down the hallway toward the stairs.

"Marcof," I call when I reach the top. By this time, the servants are awake and bustling around, looking for jobs. Marcof appears at the bottom of the stairs before I reach it.

"Your orders, sir?"

"Make sure every door and window is locked. No one leaves." I give him a hard stare. "Absolutely no one. Under no circumstances is anyone to open a door or window. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Make sure all the servants know." He nods but I start again before he can leave.

"Open up all the guest rooms. Clear out anything that's in the way but don't worry about cleaning. Also, have any leftovers from last night re-heated." If he finds the orders odd, he doesn't show it.

"Our guests won't be used to cleanliness anyway," I mutter under my breath as he descends the servant's stairs to the kitchen.

With a sigh, I head back up the stairs. I have to tell my mother. I can't have her waking up to the chaos that is about to inhabit our house unaware of the basics of the situation. She can worry about what to say to Alys.


	13. Chapter 13

**INEJ**

The city is disconcertingly still. By now, the sun is all the way up, making it nearly impossible to hide, even on the rooftops. I make my way carefully, looking for buildings that are close together so our groups can make as little noise as possible. Thankfully, I manage to find a route that works it's way through the city via buildings that are almost all practically touching each other. Only a couple gaps will require a serious jump. We'll just have to pray everyone can make it unnoticed.

When I reach the Slat, I pause, watching for signs of movement inside. The building is uncommonly quiet. I hope that means Kaz has put everyone under orders to stay silent and not that everyone inside has been slaughtered. I shake away the thought and the fear that comes with it. Now is not the time to get distracted by unfounded assumptions. I wait another minute more before jumping onto the roof. There isn't any movement that I can see inside but that may be because Kaz instructed them to keep clear of the windows. I can only hope. I crawl up slowly, keeping my footsteps light, until I reach the top window. I peer around the edge.

 _Nothing._ I try not to let my imagination get carried away but the thoughts leak out anyway. I do my best not to let myself consider that Kaz and Ashiana may be dead; that I may have left them to die some horrible death. Dread fills me as my mind conjures up a multitude of possibilities.

 _Keep it together, Inej. If you lose it now, they may really end up dead._ I take a breath and start to work on the lock. _If they aren't already._ With a click, the window slides open. I pull myself inside, my knives out as soon as I land. I check around me. The door is closed and I can't hear anything from downstairs.

 _If Kaz told them to be quiet, I wouldn't hear them. Not all the way up here. And Kaz is smart, he would've told them to be quiet._ I try my best to convince myself that everything is alright. I open the door carefully, waiting for any sign of life beyond it. As quick as I can, I jump onto the rafters, studying the ground below me.

With a deep sigh of relief, I see the Dregs clustered together in small groups in the center of the room. Very few people are talking and those that are seem to be instructing their groups. I look around for Kaz but I don't see him below. I look back up in time to see him almost to the top of the stairs.

 _How did I not see him the first time?_ Perhaps, in my mode of apprehension, my mind missed his form; a potentially deadly mistake. I can't lead groups across the roofs if I lose my focus so easily. Missing another's presence could cost everyone their lives. I jump down and enter his room as he reaches the landing. I hear him come in behind me and close the door.

"The groups are ready to go." I focus on the desk in front of me, on his cane resting against it, on anything but his face. As much as both of us may want to ignore what happened earlier, I don't find it easy to forget. There are a hundred questions I want to ask. A thousand impulses firing at once that I have to fight, begging me to _look up, look away, move toward, touch, run_. A million possibilities, reasons why he is this way, that weave themselves into my thoughts. I struggle to push it all to the back of my mind so I can focus on the situation at hand.

"Have you decided the order? I'd like to go ahead and take the first group. The city is quiet and the streets are empty. It's going to be hard to keep our progress hidden in broad daylight without the normal ruckus below." I can see him nod out of the corner of my eye. I can't tell if he's looking at me, waiting to meet my gaze with one of his hard stares. I'm not sure I want to find out.

"I've divided the Grisha and our best fighters equally between the groups. Fen is going to be traveling with you as you go in between." Anger straightens my spine and I glare at him, all hints of nervousness gone.

"We talked about this, Kaz. I work better alone."

"It's a protection for everyone. He's a Heartrender and he can move fast. He'll come in handy if you run into any Grisha." I want to fight him on it but the look in his eyes tells me he isn't going to back down. I don't give him the benefit of an affirmation. I just walk to the door and start toward the stairs. He doesn't call me back. When I get to the bottom, a man approaches me, a group herding skittishly behind him.

"Inej, I'm Fen. It's nice to finally meet the infamous Wraith." He holds out his hand and I take it, trying not to sigh in irritation. It isn't his fault Kaz is being overbearing.

"Let's get moving. Stay close behind me and step exactly where I step. We're going to move as one under any cover I can find. We have one shot and if you want to live another day, we cannot let anyone stray away. Do not get close to the edge until you're ready to make a jump. I will check behind me before we go over a large gap. If anyone has an issue with it length of it, you raise your hand then. You do not speak. Ever. Understand?" They nod in unison. I hope that group mentality lasts until we reach Wylan's. They all look thoroughly petrified and I briefly wonder what Kaz told them. I turn to Fen.

"You stay until everyone finishes the jump and then follow." He looks entirely too relaxed. He gives me a lazy grin.

"Yes, ma'am. Sounds like this will be fun." I give him a look that I hope communicates how completely uninterested I am in any type of conversation. He seems to take the hint but doesn't look any more serious than he did before. I can only hope he knows how to keep his mouth shut and straighten up when it's necessary.

 _Why did Kaz saddle me with this kid?_ I resist the urge to grumble, knowing that if I want silence, I must be silent. Everyone follows me back up the stairs and through a window that provides the easiest access to the next roof. I crouch down and carefully peer over the edge. The alley looks clear.

The first jump is one of the longest, enabling me to see how confident and skilled everyone is. Only two members of the group struggle. They are the shortest so it isn't surprising. They look like twins despite the difference in their genders, their silvery blonde hair a perfect match. Neither of them look like they're totally out of the baby fat stage, their faces round and pink. The boy's stare is hard but the girl looks at me with such fear, I almost pull her into a hug.

 _Focus._ I turn from them as soon as they make the jump, trusting Fen to follow easily. I don't even hear him land, which is encouraging. Maybe he won't be too much of a burden.

As I lead everyone over the route I chose, I grow slightly more comfortable. They're all following instructions well, not a sound beyond the occasional scrape of shoes as they land. We reach Wylan's house quicker than I expected. We drop from the last roof right into the garden and I make a mental note to make some kind of barrier there once we're done. No one else needs to be able to slip across the wall so easily.

I pick the lock to the servant's door and motion everyone to follow me as soon as it opens. Once the door is closed, I hear a collective sigh of relief exhale from the group. I don't stop until we reach the ballroom. They spread out slightly when we enter the large space and I can see some of them gaping at the murals.

Two servants girls enter from another doorway and stop short when they see us. They look ready to scream or run or do something else unnecessary. I step forward. I can clearly see the moment they recognize me because the twin looks of terror fade from their faces.

"Oh, Ms. Ghafa, it's you. Mr. Van Eck didn't say there'd be so many people coming."

"This is only the first group. Go get Wylan and tell him they've arrived. I need to go back." Wylan enters behind the maids. He smiles at me although the lines around his eyes give away his anxiety.

"I'm glad you're back, Inej. I see you've brought your comrades." He takes a quick look around. "Where is Ashiana?"

"She's back with the other groups."

"Groups?" This time, the tension is apparent.

"Two more about this size." He doesn't answer for a moment but does a fine job of taking in the details without overreacting.

"Please make sure they bring bedrolls if they have them and whatever other supplies they can carry. We don't have enough rooms for this group, let alone two others." I nod.

"I'll let them know. I'll be back shortly. Oh-" I glance over the group. "Wasn't one of you supposed to be a Fabrikator?" The female twin slowly raises her hand. Kaz gravely overestimated when he said she "wasn't much." This girl is tiny and terrified. I doubt she could work any magic right now.

"What's your name?" I ask as kindly as I can while cursing Kaz in my mind.

"Jeeni," her voice is so soft I can barely hear it.

"Alright. Let's get you some food and then we'll introduce you to Jesper. He's a Fabrikator too. You'll be helping him fortify the windows and doors." If possible, she looks more frightened than she did before. I hold in my sigh. Her brother steps forward.

"I can help. I'm an amplifier." I exchange a look with Wylan and I can see his face echoes my very faint hope. _Maybe she'll be useful after all._

"What's your name?" Wylan asks, stepping forward to take control of the conversation.

"Jeph" is all I hear before I'm back through the door to the servant's staircase. I can feel Fen is close on my heels.

"Well, that went better than expected. From all your warnings, I thought we'd be moving through masses of mad Grisha." I don't even look at him as I continue up the stairs.

"Hey now, honey, try to be a little less tense. Let's enjoy a success while we've got it." My aggravation boils over for a moment and I glare at him.

"If you had seen half the things I've seen in the last 12 hours, you wouldn't be so flippant about this. Now, you can either straighten up and take this seriously or you can stay here."

"No can do, sunshine. Kaz says I'm to stick with you no matter what." I turn to him right before we reach the door.

"Call me anything other than my name again and I will personally push you off a building," my voice comes out as a growl and he finally looks appropriately put out.

"Got it. No more nicknames. I like Inej better anyway." His smile reappears far too quickly for my liking. I turn back around and push open the door, sending up a silent prayer that I don't kill him before these trips are over.

While he's exasperating, he isn't slow or loud, which is a blessing. We proceed swiftly over the roof tops, making it back in half the time. As soon as we arrive, Fen starts up his casual chatter again. I can tell the next group is antsy. I deliver the same speech, slightly more firm this time as my vexation with Fen continues to grow, with the addition of the need for supplies and bedding.

This time, we have Ryare, an Inferni and Anika, one of the few gang members with whom I'm familiar. I give her a tight smile as we move to exit. She slips next to me and whispers before we open the window.

"Try not to get too frustrated with him. He gets chatty when he's nervous." I'm surprised my exacerbation is so apparent. I suppose I'm slightly consoled by the fact that he's allegedly anxious. I nod once and open the window.

Surprisingly, this trip also goes well. I haven't seen any bodies strewn across the street and I begin to wonder if the attackers are more active at night. That would certainly be beneficial for us. As Fen and I head back, I can feel him getting jittery beside me. I soothe myself with the knowledge that we're almost done. When we arrive back, I look over the last and smallest group carefully. Kaz stands at the back while Ashiana approaches and pulls me into a hug.

"Goodness, you're tense. I didn't think you ever got stressed like this." I roll my eyes.

"It isn't so much the situation as it is the company." She looks over at Fen and I can tell she is enjoying the view.

"Oh, he doesn't look so bad to me." I give him another once over but I can't quite appreciate his good looks now that I'm well-acquainted with his mannerisms.

"Let's just get this over with." A man named Polian introduces himself and I take note of the guns strapped to his sides. I give him a nod. The only other members of the group are three women who look better suited for house service than gang membership. I take one last look around for supplies but the place looks like it's been looted. I roll my shoulders a couple times, trying to loosen up the muscles that are beginning to grow stiff from all the carefully-choreographed movements.

I head up the stairs, hopefully for the last time. By this time the sun has reached it's zenith and the heat is bearing down on us, my black clothes absorbing it's rays uncomfortably. I don't hear the window close but I can feel the group clustered close behind me. I make the first jump easily but I can feel my muscles beginning to tire.

 _Just one more time. Then I can rest._ My internal pep talk continues as I make my way across the now rote route. Unfortunately, the thoughts distract me and I don't hear the sounds below until it's too late. Someone hits me from the side and we roll onto the next roof, taking cover behind the raised edge of the building.

A strong wind tears around us, whipping my hair into a frenzy. I look up into Fen's face, which is intently focused on the surroundings for once. I glance around, straining to keep my eyes open against the Grisha-made gale. Our group is separated. Ashiana and two of the girls are a couple feet from me. Kaz, Polian and the other girl are still on the opposite roof, which has significantly less coverage.

I watch Kaz pull the girl behind a chimney. Polian stumbles and Kaz grabs him by the collar, dragging him up next to him. Dust swirls around us and I have to blink several times, trying to clear my vision. I see Kaz saying something to Polian, motioning to the girl as he does so, and then pointing toward us. I know what he's planning before he moves.

Our eyes meet for one moment but there's no time for me to stop him. He rushes up the roof, away from our building. I can hear laughter somewhere below me, which is more terrifying than the wind. Polian is big and he manages muscles his way through the jump while clutching the girl, once the Grisha below is distracted. Even so, they end up rolling precariously close to the edge of the building.

The wind around us dies down as whoever is below chooses to chase Kaz. Once we're free, I push Fen off me and toward the next building.

"Take them to the house."

"I'm supposed to-"

"I don't _care_ what you're supposed to do. I'm telling you to take them. You're the only other person who knows the way." I manage to keep my voice to a whisper but the look on my face must convince him because he nods once. Polian stops him, grabbing my arm.

"Kaz told me you'd say that. He said to make sure-" I shake off his hand.

"Those women need you. Now go."

"But-"

"I said 'Go!'" The memory of Kaz, yelling the same thing only a few hours before, wounds me. I refuse to let those be the last words of importance exchanged between us. Ashiana moves toward me but I jump, not to the previous building but one much farther away, ensuring that she cannot follow.

I scramble up the side and make another leap in the direction Kaz headed. All I need to do is find and follow that wind. It doesn't take long for me to catch the breeze that trails behind it. I take comfort in the fact that it's still blowing. If they'd caught him by now, I doubt they'd still be using their powers. Then again, I'm not sure logic applies to these Grisha.

Another jump and then I'm vaulting over the edge of another building. My body falls into a recognized rhythm as I climb my way up walls and over roofs. The wind growing stronger the closer I get. I can't tell exactly where Kaz is going. If the Grisha is still on his tail, it would seem he's heading away from the Slat. Nor is he making his way toward Wylan's.

 _But where? Where could he be going?_ Then I realize, while he isn't taking the most direct routes, he's steadily moving toward the docks. I try not to panic.

 _Is the Grisha chasing him this way or is he going there of his own accord? Is there more than one?_ If so, he may not have any choice but to be herded in that direction.

 _It's a trap._ Once he gets to the docks, he'll have nowhere to go but the ocean, where the Council awaits with nearly certain death. I turn, choosing a different way to the harbor. If I can head them off, surprise them from the side, maybe I can distract them long enough for Kaz to get away. This plan in mind, I hurdle over obstacles, not even trying to keep my presence a secret. Thankfully, I don't hear any signs of pursuit. Yet.

A couple more buildings and finally, I can see the harbor. Wind is whistling around me, intensifying as I draw closer. I'm almost to the last building when I see him. He's beaten me to the street that lines the docks, usually filled with pigeons this time of day. He's the only one out there today and I watch as someone races out behind him. The Grisha must be losing power from the chase because the wind has died down to a peaceful breeze.

 _Either that or they have their target in sight and don't feel the need to continue to use it._ I watch, powerless, as Kaz heads straight for the water. He reaches the end of a dock and dives in. Almost immediately, a wave picks up, increasing in size with each passing second. The pursuer, ignoring the monstrous wall of water that has risen taller than any of the buildings I've leapt over today, follows just as the wave crashes down right where Kaz has disappeared. I lean back on the roof, stunned, my breath coming in short gasps from overexertion and horror.

 _No. No. Nononono_ is my repeated mantra, growing more frantic as I watch the water calm, neither figure rising to the surface. After a moment, I jump down, heedless of the danger I may be exposing myself to. I run to the docks, the water sloshing gently under the wood. I don't jump in, watching, waiting, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kaz.

I move toward my ship, one of only three left in the harbor. I scramble up the side, knowing the Council waits until someone either enters the water or tries to reach the ocean beyond before destroying them. I look out over the water, scanning the falsely-tranquil waves desperately.

There's nothing. No sound. No sign of life. I try not to hyperventilate as I collapse against one of the masts of my ship, sliding down it until I'm sitting, but fear overruns me. Tears well up behind my eyes and I'm crying, sobbing, unable to contain my emotions after the all-out chase. My body is exhausted and I'm too weary to exert any kind of control over it.

If there are any more pursuers, I'm a sitting duck. I can't hear anything over the sound of my weeping but, in this moment, I don't care if I am attacked. I don't care about anything except the fact that I just saw Kaz leap into those deadly waters and not re-surface.

It's because of this that I don't immediately distinguish my own gasps from the ones that are coming from the dock next to me. As soon as I hear it, I'm on my feet, knives at the ready. I haven't quite made up my mind about the pros and cons of living without Kaz right at this moment but I manage to muster up enough gumption to stand. At least, I can try and take down one of the monsters that caused this. I look around but don't see anything on the docks beyond me. I step carefully to the edge of the boat, looking down at the water below.

When I see a hand barely holding onto the weathered wood, I leap down. I approach cautiously just as Kaz's head breaches the surface. Filled with an unexpected surge of strength, I'm on my knees, grabbing him by his shirt, and hauling with up with me onto the dock in one swift motion.

He rolls onto his side, a deep cough bringing up water. After a minute or so, the coughing tapers off, leaving him breathing heavily. With a groan, he flops onto his back.

"I hate that ocean. Did I ever tell you that?" His words are slow, his breathing laboring between each one. I promptly burst into tears again.

"You idiot! What were you thinking? You could've been killed! You should've been! I might still kill you myself!" Tears still blurring my vision, I can hardly see the faint smile that briefly crosses his face.

"You've clearly never gotten caught out in the ocean. You have to swim under the waves. It's calmer there." I collapse onto him, my head on top of his chest, listening to the slow evening out of his breathing.

"Oh, and you thought you'd just swim under a typhoon-sized wave like it's no big deal. Of course, you did." His hand comes up and rests on my cheek, his thumb brushing away a few of the tears that refuse to slow. His gloves are rough and cold against my skin but I don't mind. He's alive. That's all that matters right now.

"It worked though. And it would appear our Grisha friend has yet to re-surface. I call it a win all around." I lift up my head and glare it him with as much anger as I can while tears of relief are still running down my face. I grab a fist-full of his shirt and pull him up. His hands lay flat against the wood behind him, holding himself in a semi-upright position.

"Kaz Brekker, you are the most foolish man I have ever met. You play with your life like it's worth nothing when you know-" I shake my head and look down, unable to find the words that will fully communicate how damaging his recklessness could be.

"I've lived for a while under that exact impression," he says softly. My eyes widen as our gazes meet again.

"It's worth something to me! How much clearer can I make it? I told you-" I break off, not wanting to bring up our last encounter lest he hide himself from me again. I fight the urge to take him by the shoulders and shake him. I close my eyes, trying to regain a modicum of composure.

"Hey" I feel his hand at my neck and then on my shoulder. He gives me a little shake that is nothing compared to how much he deserves. "Hey, it's alright. We made it through another scrape. Isn't that what we've always done? We're risk-takers, remember?"

I pull away and stand with a sigh. I suppose it's true. I can't expect him to stop taking risks when I gave him a speech advocating it only a couple hours ago. I hold out my hand, which he takes. I lean back, trying to leverage my weight against his to help him to his feet. Once he rights himself, he looks past me, out over the serene waters.

"I really hate that ocean." I turn my head, trying to follow his gaze, as though I can see whatever it is that has caused him to detest this specific body of water so fiercely. He turns back before I can do so and catches me by surprise, his face right next to mine. His hands move so fast, I can barely tell when they reach the sides of my face, holding me in place while he delivers a hard kiss so short I'm left wondering if it really happened at all. By the time I get my bearings, he's walking down the docks, his limp pronounced.

"I dropped my cane a couple streets back. Let's see if we can find it and get to Wylan's before anymore of those lovely Grisha come out to play."


	14. Chapter 14

Shout out to my sister(!) who always joins me in making a concerted effort to ensure we end every phone call with "No mourners, no funerals" (even though she is the human-embodiment of a cat and therefore above such nonsense). May you all find f(riends)amily that share your unabashed love of this madness.

 **JESPER**

"I think everything is ready." The strained look on Wylan's face is almost more that I can bear. Part of me wants to spend the next couple hours kissing him senseless until that look permanently fades from memory. Unfortunately, our house is filled with unwanted guests and I'm more exhausted than I've been in a long time.

"Thank you, Jes. You've been amazing."

"I know," the roll of his eyes accompanied by a slight smirk is a much better look for him.

"So humble too."

"I'm just chock full of humility. It's one of my best assets. Right up there with my exceptionally handsome face." My teasing grin is small. I'm too tired to really commit to any major level of humor right now. I collapse on the bed and he takes a seat beside me. We sit in compatible silence for a while.

"I'm really proud of you, you know that? I knew you'd been working on it but to fortify the entire first floor..."

"I can't take all the credit. That little boy, Jeph... it's incredible, Wylan. His sister may be a decent Fabrikator but she's nothing without him. I wouldn't have been able to do _half_ as much without him either. He didn't say anything the entire time. Just stood there and held his sister's hand and helped me when I needed it, which was a lot there towards the end. I was worried he'd pass out or something but- well, we made it through. I kicked a couple kids out of one of the upstairs rooms and gave it to him and his sister. They need to rest something fierce."

"I'm glad you did. I haven't really checked around. How is everyone settling in?"

"Most of them look like they're at the best birthday party ever. I don't think any of them have ever even entered a house like this." He gives a short bark of laughter that belies the tension beneath the surface.

"I would've thought the same of you but I know you robbed your fair share of merchers before joining me in this fine, upstanding life of luxury." Now it's my turn to roll my eyes but I don't deny it. With a sigh, I push myself up to the pillows.

"I think I'll rest too before Kaz comes back and ruins everything."

"They're not back yet?"

"I saw a couple more people come in but no Kaz." The crease in Wylan's brow deepens.

"Have you seen Inej?" I shake my head.

"I haven't really been looking. She'll appear when she's ready and not a moment before."

"Yes, but- well, they've been out for a while. You don't think something has happened, do you?"

"I'm sure if it had, someone would've come and told us." Wylan doesn't look convinced.

"Come on, Wy, don't make me worry. I'm too tired to worry."

"It just seems strange. That's all. It's been longer than I expected. And what with everything Inej was telling us..." With a groan, I grab a pillow and cover my face.

"Fine. Fine, let's go ask someone. Then, can I go to sleep?"

"Oh, it's ok. You stay here. I'll check."

"Nope. Not possible. Now you've got me all agitated." Wylan pats my hand and I throw the pillow behind me and slide off the bed. I lean against it for a few seconds before standing.

"I'm glad."

"You're what?" He has the decency to look a little sheepish.

"I didn't really want to go face all those grizzly gang members by myself."

"Did you just- did- you played me! I should just stay here to spi-" He grabs me by the hand and pulls me unceremoniously along behind him.

"It'll just take a second. I'm sure you can help me find the most senior member to ask." With a sigh, I allow myself to be led to the door.

"Just so you know, I'm expecting payment for services rendered."

"Oh really?" He doesn't look at me but I don't need to see his face to know he's raising his right eyebrow. It's what he does every time poses a question he already knows the answer to.

"Yes, really. I'm expecting a lot of-" he does turn then and places a soft kiss on my cheek. He still manages to blush when he does things like that, even after all this time.

"A lot of?" There's the eyebrow.

"That. Except everywhere." His blush deepens and I take a moment to finger one of his blonde curls. "You're lucky I love you so much." He suddenly looks like he's ready to swoon, which is generally the face he makes when I say 'love'. It only started a couple months ago and the first time wasn't easy. I'm not one to bandy about words like that and he knows it. Surprisingly, it took him longer to say it in reply.

He explained the difficulty one night after a rather passionate exclamation on my part. He'd heard his father, his mother-in-law (if you could Alys that), even a couple very inappropriate tutors say it and, if their actions were any indication, it never seemed to mean what he expected. Only his mother seemed to really mean it but that was remembered with child-like innocence. He'd thought she was dead for the majority of his life so there wasn't much real-life experience to highlight the truth.

"You know, I'm sure everything is fine. We can stay-"

"Oh no, you don't. You started this. We're going down there to investigate together. Then, and only then, will we return so I can _sleep_. Preferably after I peel all your clothes off." I don't have to look at him to know he's blushing again. His fair skin is definitely one of my favorite parts of him. Remembering how he looks in the midst of love-making, all flushed and sweaty, is enough to make me reconsider our plan. Unfortunately, he's already started for the door and I follow, albeit with less anticipation than before.

The low drone of many voices meets us as soon as we open the doors, growing louder the lower we descend. I'm unsurprised by the amount of people when we open the ballroom doors but I can tell Wylan severely underestimated how many gang members we're currently housing. Only a few turn to look at us when we enter; most seemingly heavily invested in their own conversations. I look around until I see a couple familiar faces.

Anika's worried gaze meets my own and I'm instantly filled with dread. That look can only mean one thing. Kaz has gone and done something stupid and reckless and-

The devil himself takes this as his cue to enter. Anika turns as soon as my eyes move past her and I hear a collective sigh of relief from many of the Dregs around the room. Kaz, as always, either ignores or fails to notice the effect he has on the crowd. I'm betting on the former but I'm not known for my particularly successful gambling habits.

His hair is mussed, more apparent than usual without his customary hat. His cane clicks along with his uneven gait, which is profoundly more pronounced that usual. Somehow, despite his disheveled black suit, he manages to look debonair, which isn't a word I ever thought I'd use to describe Kaz Brekker. There's no denying he's handsome, although it's the kind of attractiveness one feels toward dangerously beautiful animals. Elegant on the outside but with claws that strike deep, more than ready to enjoy feasting on your insides.

Something is draped over his arm and I'm suddenly immensely intrigued by the entire situation. Wylan moves forward next to me, matching my pace as well as anyone with normally-proportioned limbs can.

"I see you managed to make it back alive, Brekker." He doesn't respond to me but glances at Anika, who looks entirely too relieved for my understanding. _What exactly went on out there?_ It's during this moment that Inej makes her presence known. How I missed her before, her black clothing stark against the soft browns and shades of white of the ballroom, is a testament to the accuracy of her adopted title. This Wraith can disappear anywhere, no matter the surroundings. Her gaze is focused on Anika and, for a second, I see something like jealousy flash across her features. Kaz turns away from Anika before Inej's expression can gain any more rationale. As I approach, the object on his arm grows clearer and I make out another suit.

"Did you stop to pick up some laundry?" I ask, although the jibe isn't meant to be answered. It's then that I notice that what appeared disheveled is actually soaking wet. Another appraisal and then:

"What happened to you? We thought you were dead." Anika looks about ready to pass out. _I need to be passing out. I'm too tired to figure out all the unsaid intricacies right now._

"We had to make a few stops." Completely cryptic, as usual.

"Is that-" I can tell Anika is growing more than a little vexed at this point. "Did you pick up a new suit?" I can already tell Kaz has no intention of answering. "Where did you even- What, did you buy one on the way here?" Kaz is clearly finished listening to her babble.

"You know I don't buy things, Anika."

"You robbed some poor person's store in the middle of this mess?" I consider Wylan's words with a mild amount of surprise and confusion. This is Kaz. There's a reason he's nicknamed Dirtyhands and it's not because he enjoys gardening.

"Looted. I think the appropriate term is looted," I correct.

"They won't be needing it. Customers are going to be in short supply until further notice."

"And that makes it better?" When did Wylan start thinking it was a good idea to argue morality with Kaz? Kaz cuts off the questioning with one of his deadpan looks that encompasses the entirety of his disinterest. Wylan finds enough sense to silence himself although I can tell he's doing so grudgingly. Sometimes, it amazes me that we're together. We are so different in so many ways; our pasts are like opposite sides of the moon. Still, those differences have led to a lot of growth, for both of us. Some days, it's so difficult, it seems impossible we'll ever see eye-to-eye. Then, somehow, we find common ground.

My musings upon our inexplicably successful relationship are abruptly ended when several of our guests push past me to converge on Kaz. They surround him like a bunch of birds around breadcrumbs. I fall back, grateful to find a way to exit the interaction without actually having to finish it. I pull on Wylan's hand but he still seems preoccupied with the people pushing past us.

"Let's go to sleep. Or at least, to bed." Even my very thinly-veiled allusion to our frequent nocturnal pursuits doesn't avert his attention.

"Where will he sleep?" I look at Wylan with confusion.

"What?"

"Where is Kaz going to sleep? He's our friend. We need to make sure he has a good room."

 _Are we seriously discussion this right now?_ "Kaz will find himself somewhere to sleep."

"He's being mobbed."

"If you think Kaz can't make his way out of a situation as simple as this, you've clearly taken leave of your memories."

"It's not that. Kaz doesn't know the best rooms. He should have one with an office."

"Kaz knows _all_ the rooms. You may recall he's broken into this house. Multiple times."

"He's our guest, Jes."

"May Inej's Saints help me." I shoulder my way past the first line of people. Kaz is holding court effectively, unsurprisingly. I catch his eye but he easily dismisses me. I roll my eyes. _Why do you even care?_ I realize I don't. I'm only doing this to appease Wylan's overactive need to being a good host. Even so, I feel enough loyalty to his ridiculous ideals that I'm actually going to make sure Kaz has a nice room.

 _My life makes no sense._ A wave of exhaustion hits me then. I almost stumble.

"Listen, people. All of you will move, now." The crowd parts before me in a surprising show of solidarity. I approach. I can feel Wylan close behind me.

"Kaz," he starts as soon as we get within reach. I'm glad he's taken the lead because I have absolutely no idea what to say at this juncture. Kaz raises an uninterested eyebrow.

"Would you care to follow me to your room? I know you're busy but it has an office. You can take care of business in there instead of having to stand in the middle of this ballroom." A withering look would probably be the best way to describe his expression. I'm simultaneously defensive and chastened, but mostly impressed with Wylan's ability to hold his own against such a stare.

"I think I can find somewhere to work, and sleep, by myself." It occurs to me then that perhaps Kaz doesn't want everyone to know where he'll be sleeping. He chose the highest room in the Slat for more than just preference. It certainly wasn't for his own ease of access. It's significantly more difficult for people to catch you unawares when there are fewer entrances; unless you meld into shadows and scale a roof like the Wraith, that is.

Wylan accepts defeat and retreats. I grab his hand. "Can we please go the bed now?" I plead, attempting to look as pathetic as I feel. With a sigh, he follows me up the stairs.


	15. Chapter 15

**INEJ**

Sometimes, I wonder how Kaz does it. When I left, Kaz had just taken control of the Dregs. The real work of leading them had barely begun. A part of me feels guilty, leaving him to take control of an entire gang essentially by himself. Of course, he had people backing him up but we were a team. At least, I thought so. Now, seeing the pressure and time that control has brought, the guilt stabs a little bit deeper. So when Kaz exits the group with the excuse of needing to discuss the details further with someone who is equally well-versed in the topic, namely me, I let him follow me upstairs to my room.

I realize when we arrive just how much I appreciate the maids. My room wasn't in the best shape when I left. Now, my dress has been put away in my closet, the bed made, and my favorite cabin clothes laid out next to my pillow. How they knew which outfit was my favorite is a testament of their dedication to their service. I disappear into my bedroom room to change as Kaz takes a seat on the deep-cushioned sofa in the sitting room. When I return, he has stretched himself out on it, his bad leg propped up across it.

"I don't think sitting in damp clothing all night is going to benefit you," I comment, hoping he'll take the hint and go change. He smells like the sea and while the scent of the salty spray normally relaxes me, tonight it only reminds me of the pain, fear, and the weight of uncertainty. I'm overwhelmingly exhausted from this intense day, full of such things, made heavier by a severe lack of necessary sleep.

Whether he understand my sentiments or he simply agrees that he is in need of a good rinse, he stands with a nod. When he leans forward to grab his cane, his leg buckles beneath him. I only manage to get in three steps toward him before his hand is gripping the edge of the sofa, then his cane, and he pushes himself into a more stable position. He turns and looks at me questioningly, as if confused by my reaction.

 _Typical, Kaz. Ever dismissing any sign of weakness. Even with me. Even when I could, want to, help_. I shake my head as he walks past me toward the bathroom. I hear the door shut softly and I sink down onto one of the wingback arm chairs I'm so found of. The yellow upholstery contrasts well with the intricately-carved rosewood. It is a wood I became familiar with on my travels. Mostly coming from the southern colonies, it was a profitable cover for slave ships. With diminishing availability making it increasingly more valuable, they made extra money from picking it up while collecting more exotic slaves.

With a sigh, I pull my legs underneath me. My body is so tired. My mind is too full, spinning, trying to wrap itself around all I've seen in the last 24 hours. It simultaneously gives me a headache and demands that I continue pursuing the subject, regardless of the pain. I don't want to go to bed without knowing if Kaz truly did want to talk or if he was merely making excuses.

"I'll just rest here for a little bit. Just until he comes out. Then bed." I decide to ignore the fact that I'm verbally giving myself instructions and encouragement. With a little sleep, I'll be as right as the waves on the sea. As soon as I close my eyes, my head starts to slow, clear, as if recognizing the rest I need is just a few minutes away. _Just a little longer..._

" _I want that one." Long fingers, face hidden by an awful caricature._

" _She just came in a couple days ago. Pretty little thing, isn't she?"_

" _How much?" The calculating, sinister smile._

 _Head against the wall, hands under my dress._

" _I want the Suli girl."_

" _I said, strip." The pain, the look in his eyes as he tastes my tears._

" _No, please!" Laughing at my fear._

 _Chest tightening. Body trembling._

" _What a lovely little creature you are." Fingers around my neck._

" _Please, let me go." The gasping, blackness edging my vision._

 _Heart racing. Pleading._

"Don't touch me!" My voice comes out in a harsh whisper. He freezes for a second and then slowly, carefully, retreats a few feet.

 _Who is it this time?_ I struggle to distinguish between the nightmare and reality. My eyes are open but all I see are the parade of men; phantoms from a life I wish I could escape.

 _Where am I?_ Slowly, moonlight infiltrates my vision, so different from the harsh spotlight of my dreamscape. My hands find the arms of the chair, solid yet soft; the fabric silky beneath my fingers.

"Inej?" The voice is low and rough, yet somehow soothing. _I know that voice._ Caught in the web of panic, I am unable to identify it. Still, I intrinsically know it- he- means me no harm. Another moment and the terror fades to deep dismay, steadily abating to sustained but manageable anxiety. My breathing slows and I try to take in a couple deep breaths. My lungs won't quite expand fully but it's enough, for now. My presence of mind returns and I'm jolted out of the horrors of my past into the present. Unfortunately, as the last few hours flow into memory, I find they haven't been filled with delight either. Yet, unlike the force and powerlessness that characterized my experiences at the Menagerie, these last few years were difficult but I had control of my life, my destiny, my purpose.

I look toward the low light spilling through the window. My eyes catch a glimpse of the dark figure that shook me awake, spoke to me, his figure still.

"Kaz?"

"Yes." Relief fills me. Laughter quickly bubbles out of me in response to my relief. There are very few people who would appreciate the appearance of Kaz Brekker in their room, in the middle of the night.

"Are you alright?" The silly, girlish giggling dries up immediately. It doesn't take me long to search for an answer.

"No." Apprehension fills me again, followed by anger. While the logical part of my brain registers that it's irrational and wholly unfair, it's directed at Kaz.

"Do you want to-"

No, I don't," I snap. I hear his sharp intake of breath and I brace myself for an argument, or at least some kind of abrasive response. It's all I can imagine given my agitated frame of mind. Instead, I receive a sigh that signals the emptying of irritation.

"I don't want to fight with you, Inej. I just-" another sigh "you were having a nightmare. I wanted to help. I know what it's like to be unable to escape something sickening even in your sleep, where you expect to find refuge from the daily miseries of your waking hours."

Perhaps it is the darkness that makes it possible for him to be so uncharacteristically honest. The shadows across his face hide his expressions from me but the sincerity of his tone reveals the depth of his understanding and- dare I say- desire to comfort. It's not a side of Kaz I'm familiar with but in the last day, he's admirably taken on that role seemingly without hesitation. His candor triggers something in me, liberating me from the tense clasp of fear. Tears suddenly infiltrate my eyes and I can't stop a few from running down my cheeks.

Before my mind has a chance to inform my body of the danger of doing so, I unfold myself from the chair and step toward him. My arms are around him in a hard hug that confesses my need for such comfort in a way words cannot. He doesn't move, his body rigid in my grip. As reality catches up, I begin to move away. Before I can completely withdraw, his arms surround me, pulling me back to him. I cling to him then, taking whatever solace he can offer, no matter how brief. Instead of immediately releasing me, he holds me, his arms gripping me tightly. A couple more traitorous tears escape.

His cheek moves against my neck as he buries his face in my hair. He takes a few sharp inhales, as though he's breathing me in. Then, his lips are on my neck, under my jaw, and my body begins to react to his proximity. I run my hand down his back, pressing him closer as I mold my body to every inch of his. I can feel the way his body is responding to mine. I hear his breath hitch.

Without warning, he breaks away from me. I stumble back, unready for the abrupt release. I hear him trying to control his short, uneven breathing. The guilt I feel for causing such a reaction doesn't dim the consolation I gained from him. It simply increases my desire to be able to hold him again, to take away this sickness that invades these kinds of interludes. He deserves better than this. He should be able to experience, enjoy, the contact between us. It isn't easy for me either but somehow, with him, my misgivings fall away when I'm wrapped in his arms.

I stay silent, knowing he won't appreciate or accept any offer of aid. It will only make him withdraw further, both physically and emotionally. I want to hold onto this tenuous connection between us as long as possible. Once his breaths begin to come in more naturally, losing the discordant irregularity, I carefully, quietly, move back into my chair. As though my movement frees him from his frozen state of fear, he falls back onto the sofa. With the soft moonlight behind him, I can see his hands threading themselves in his hair, hiding his face from me even though the light leaves him silhouetted and thus shrouded from my view.

Another minute or two and he straightens back into the reserved, controlled Kaz I've known for years now. He stands then and I unwittingly follow suit. I see him grab his cane and I realize then that he intends to leave. It shouldn't surprise me. With the amount of openness he's displayed tonight, I know he'll want to put some distance between us in as many ways possible. I hesitate momentarily and then step in front of him, effectively blocking his path to the door.

"Kaz-" He doesn't answer but I can sense his desire to move past me.

"You can stay here. I don't mind. I-" I can feel both of us waiting for a confession that will mirror his own. Then the words are out of my mouth, hanging in the air between us. "I want you here." He looks at me then and, even in the darkness, I can feel his measuring gaze.

"I-" he starts but I cut him off, hoping I can stymie any excuse or reasoning he could conceive.

"Stay. Please. Stay with me." And I know that if he moves away now, it will put a distance between us that will be difficult to bridge in the future. It was a risk that I probably shouldn't have taken, a pressure that unfairly falls on him, after a time of such unrestrained honesty. Without speaking, he surprisingly, astonishingly, move back to the sofa and sits. I don't say anything, afraid to acknowledge the acquiescence lest he change his mind. Instead, I quickly move into my bedroom and grab two pillows and the extra blanket from the upper shelf in my closet. He is still in the same position when I return and place them beside him.

"Thank you." It is a whispered gratitude that I probably shouldn't have said but I cannot help myself. I move back into my bedroom and close the door, leaving only a crack between it and the frame. I try not to listen to his movements in the other room but it's impossible. Every nerve is alert, attentive to his actions. When the rustling slows and the door that would signal his exit stays closed, I begin to relax. My body and mind are still tired and, even with all the emotions swirling inside me, I manage to close my eyes and allow sleep to take me.

When I wake, I slip through the door that leads from my bedroom to my bathroom, afraid to open the door to the sitting room and discover Kaz missing. My hair is a mess, stuck together in clumps from the sweat and dirt that gathered in it during our exploits yesterday. The fact that I didn't manage to remove all the pins from it last night has left it tangled something fierce. I need a shower. Slowly, I peel my clothes from my body and grab a towel from the cabinet below the sink.

The hot water relaxes me and I roll my shoulders, attempting to stretch out the tension left over from my trips between the Slat and Wylan's house and the unexpected, break-neck pursuit through the city. After a conspicuously long shower, I sigh and turn off the water. I carefully step out and wrap the towel tightly around myself. I re-enter my bedroom and find clean, comfortable clothes in my characteristic black. I use the towel to dry my hair somewhat but decide I'd rather just comb it and let it dry naturally.

All of my morning preparation done, I take a deep breath and head toward the door to the sitting room. I don't know why it's so important to me that Kaz be there. I know he stayed until I fell asleep. What does it matter if he woke before me and went out to take care of what promises to be a lot of very necessary business? His cane against the sofa is the first thing I see and I close my eyes, knowing he wouldn't have left without it. I turn slightly and notice a tray filled with cups and a pot of, I sniff, coffee on it.

Kaz is across the room, one of the dainty china cups next to him on the desk in the corner, where he appears to be looking over papers. That he managed to get his work here shouldn't be surprising. He's always been dedicated to making sure everything about the Dregs is well-run. Although, I highly doubt those papers have to do with the Crow Club or any other business ventures. There aren't going to be many patrons for a while if the current state of the city doesn't change and that kind of shift seems overwhelmingly unlikely.

"I'm glad you're up," he says without turning. His low voice startles me but I shake it off. I raise an eyebrow but don't move. He turns then and I see the bruise-like bags under is eyes. _Didn't he sleep?_ From the looks of it, whatever sleep he managed wasn't nearly enough.

"I'd like to go over some of our impressions from yesterday. We need to figure out what's going on so we can prepare accordingly." I nod, thorough and strategic as usual. I move to the desk and, without my usual windowsill to sit on while we discuss the specifics, I perch on the edge of the desk, careful not to disturb his papers or sit where he might accidentally brush me. Even so, he push back the chair, moving it slightly away from me as we face each other.

"I think it might benefit us to include Ashiana. Jesper and Wylan deserve to be fully informed as well." Despite my words, I make no movement toward the door. I know I should be focused on the topic at hand, that this issue is far more important than any personal feelings I may be experiencing. Still, I don't move, my eyes locked onto Kaz. His stare, always so direct and disarming, seems to communicate a similar preoccupation. I wonder what would happen if I moved toward him instead of the door. What he would do if I draped myself across his lap, leaned forward until we got a taste of the friction between our bodies. Unfortunately, I'm not that bold; not in the bright light of day whether neither of us can hide from the other. Something in my face must signal my decision because he nods, breaking the contact as he looks back to his papers.

"Go get them."


	16. Chapter 16

**ASHIANA**

Inej arrives at my room about mid-morning and I admittedly have to drag myself out of bed to answer the door.

"I'm glad you're up," is her greeting and I consider informing her that I was not, in fact, up until now. Instead, I nod and move back into my bedroom. Although we've spent the majority of the last few weeks together, I feel like the last two days have created a vast gap between us. My experience, my abilities, my past, none of it measures up to half the decisive actions I saw Inej and Kaz take yesterday. _Was it only yesterday?_

They were not only cool under pressure but they dealt with the horror we saw without missing a beat. Of course, Inej struggled with some of it in the aftermath but in the moment, they were strong, sure and, most of all, they were a team. I try to ignore the flash of jealousy that rises at the memories. I love Inej. After only a few days, I recognized that she has a beautiful soul and I'm lucky to have her in my life. I'm thankful for the sister I have found in her. I know the Saints have brought us together for this time.

Still, I cannot help that the envy that creeps into my mind when I watch her and Kaz. I knew, even before I met her, that Kaz and his Wraith were a team. Even though she was gone for a year, everyone still whispered about them as though they were a pair. Of course, it was understood that no one talked about her around Kaz. Apparently, mentions of the Wraith were met with a terrifyingly cold stare that left grown men shaking in their boots. I didn't understand why until now. Watching them together... it was like they knew each other's every move, every thought, before it occurred. They fought without words, seeming to know what the other was thinking and reacting accordingly. All that after a yearlong leave of absence. I can't imagine what it was like for them, apart for so long. It would be like living without a side of your soul.

"Are you alright?" Her voice shakes me out of my reverie. I give her the best smile I can muster while rubbing sleep out of my eyes.

"Yes. Just a little tired."

"I know. I look out the window and feel like I slept for so long but my body is still aching for more." She shakes her head. "Can't be helped though. Time to start the day." I'd like to argue that I have no particular reason I need to start today but I'm not going to drive her away by complaining.

"I suppose so," I say, sitting back on my bed, doing my very best to resist curling back up in it.

"Let's get you in some clothes. Kaz wants to talk about yesterday." I groan.

"Didn't we already do that?" She rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Things always look clearer with a little time. We could use a fresh perspective as well. I'm off to get Wylan and Jesper after you." I sigh.

"Fine. Go on. I'll meet you up there." She stops then, her arms still reaching into my closet.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She continues her motion then, collecting and drawing out an outfit for me. _Yes, fine, I love watching you with the man I wanted._ I don't let the thought cross my mind long enough to give me pause. It's a pointless thought, useful only to drive a wedge between us. I refuse to allow it. Kaz was never interested in me. He was never interested in anyone and now, I know why.

"Of course. Still waking up. Will you ring for some coffee?" With a smile, she nods.

"I'll do it before I leave. Here are some clothes. They look comfortable." I glance at them but wave them away.

"Unless you intend for us to go out, I'm not wearing those. And I do _not_ intend on going out. You and Kaz can do what you want but I'm staying here." She laughs.

"Trust me, I have very little interest in the outside world right now. Unfortunately, the outside world may be interested in encroaching on us. Best to be proactive." She turns back to my closet. "What would you like?"

"Just grab one of the dresses." She pauses, a look of uncertainty crossing her face.

"Are you sure?" I look at her suspiciously.

"Yes. Why? Are you planning on questions all of my answers?" She looks through my closet, fingering my dresses, but doesn't pull one down. I curse myself for my angry response but I am tired and I did just wake up. With a sigh, I haul myself up beside her. I grab a soft olive green dress, the large-cut empire waist promising comfort. She takes hold of a sleeve before I can move away.

"Ashiana-"

"What? I've been wearing dresses for years. Look at my closet. What kind of clothing do you see?"

"I know. It's just-" I'm growing frustrated now. She's remarked upon my dresses favorably for the last week.

"What?" She has the decency to look terribly uncomfortable.

"We're not living with just Wylan and Jesper now. You've never lived with the Dregs. I mean, I know you knew Kaz and were sometimes called upon to help but..." I raise an eyebrow, daring her to continue.

"Kaz would never allow women to be mistreated by his people but he can't be everywhere at once. There are men here, living in close quarters with us, that will take one look at you in that dress and-"

"And you think I can't handle myself?" I don't know why I'm suddenly so upset. She's probably right. I doubt I could hold my own against a man who decided to take advantage of me. I'm not a fighter. I can't just disappear like her. Still, something in me refuses to cow to this. Perhaps it's because I'm already edgy about the topic of men with her. Perhaps it's because I don't like to let fear rule me. Or perhaps it's because _I just want to wear a dress._ She shrugs, looking sheepish.

"I'm sorry, Ashiana. I care about you. I just-" I feel my anger whoosh out of me at her concern.

"I know." I pull the dress from her. "But I'll be damned if I stop wearing most of my wardrobe because some men moved in." She smiles then; a soft half smile that spreads slowly. The lines of concern don't leave her eyes but she manages to look amused anyway.

"I feel sorry for any man that tries to make a move on you without your permission."

"You should." I try to look as fierce as possible. She begins to laugh, which is certainly not the reaction I anticipated. I may need to be worried after all.

"I'll see you in my room in twenty." With that, she releases my dress and makes her way to my door. "Try not to be ravished on your way there," she says with a wink and with that, she's out the door.

I try not to glare at it after she leaves. I'm not really angry at her. I'm angry at myself. Angry for pursuing a man who was very clearly not interested in me. Angry for hoping he'd eventually notice and respond to my significant stares. Angry for letting my desires get in the way of a friendship. And _especially_ angry at society for never holding men accountable for their actions so that, in a nice house like this, I have to consider whether or not what I'm wearing will provoke an undesired response. It's not _my_ job to adjust my wardrobe to make myself less appealing, thus ensuring men's self-control. Why should I have to change so they can have an easier time restraining themselves? When do boys have to stop acting like idiots and grow into men? Why is it always women who have to be the responsible ones?

I turn back to my closet, swiftly returning my green dress to it's hanger. I pull down a red dress I bought for a party months ago but never wore. It's remained with me even though I doubted I'd ever use it. I slip it on and turn to the mirror. The off-the-shoulder sleeves meld into a sweetheart neckline that seems to be miraculously held aloft by my breasts alone. It's tight in all the right places, not going farther than halfway down my thighs, with a small slit on the right side. It's completely inappropriate, unnecessary, and _fabulous_. If I'm going to wear dresses for the foreseeable future, it's time to start conditioning my fellow houseguests.

A knock on my door announces my coffee. Sentria enters, looking around for a place to put the tray. When she finds an empty spot on my table, she looks up to greet me. Her eyes grow wide when they meet mine.

"Morning, miss. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Ready for anything."

"I see that. Your dress is-" she looks panicked for a moment, as though just now realizing she's unsure of how to appropriately complete her sentence. I save her the trouble.

"Incongruous." If anything, her look of panic increases but she does what any well-trained servant does well. She agrees.

"Yes, miss."

"Damn straight." The smile I shoot her sends her out of the room without another word. I walk to the mirror and begun brushing my hair. When I'm satisfied it's thoroughly detangled, I begin pushing it away from my face and up into a bun. I grab a couple pins from the dresser where I laid them last night before the glorious bath I soaked in for an hour.

After almost ten minutes, I look at my reflection with approval. If a man is going to lose control of himself around me, it's going to be today. Everything after this will look dull and homely in comparison. I step back, giving my reflection one last once-over, and walk to the door. The trip down the hallway to Inej's room is short and I turn the knob without knocking.

Inej has the unfortunate timing of being in the midst of drinking some coffee when I walk in. She starts coughing as soon as she sees me. Jesper gives me a big smile, accompanied by an expected but humor-filled full-body appraisal.

"Was there a party I'm unaware of occurring today?" Wylan rolls his eyes at Jesper's reaction, knowing it is largely intended to amuse and not display interest. I give Wylan a wink, which he responds to with a chuckle. I'm glad they're enjoying my outfit as much as I am. Kaz merely raises an eyebrow at my entrance before turning his attention back to a stack of papers at his side.

"Now that you're all here, I'd like to discuss what happened yesterday. At this point, any information is good information. If you have something to add, do so. Otherwise, be quiet." Inej has calmed her coughing by now and is perched on the side of Kaz's desk. Well, _her_ desk that Kaz has commandeered.

"Jesper and Wylan, I know Inej gave you a quick rundown of last night but I'm sure, in her haste, she missed a few details." I know, just by being present last night, that Inej would've skipped any details about the child, regardless of the time provided. I wish Kaz wouldn't bring it up again but, unfortunately, it provides necessary insight into the nature of whatever it is we're dealing with. Jesper clears his throat.

"She told us you were both out in the garden during the party and, upon hearing screams, decided to investigate instead of go inside like rational individuals." I hope Jesper narrates all of what they've heard. It will bring a lightness that this situation desperately needs.

"Apparently, you found a body that had been...I think you said mauled?" Inej nods.

"The body was torn to shreds. The throat had been ripped out."

"This sounds like some kind of animal attack. Although, I'm not sure what kind of animal large enough to do that much damage could make it's way into Ketterdam unnoticed." Wylan's comment makes sense but Kaz is shaking his head before he finishes.

"The bites and claw marks were small. There weren't any puncture wounds like you'd see with any normal carnivorous animal."

"I thought you said it had been mauled. Animals maul things. What else could it be? People don't put in that kind of time or effort. Even stranglers or slicers. They just murder you and leave." Jesper's casual comments about killing reveal just how much familiar he is with the subject.

"The gouges were short and relatively shallow, nothing like something with real claws would leave. And they were all over the place, not just in a couple places, which is all it would take for an animal to rip you open."

"But you can't say for certain that it wasn't an animal. I mean, you didn't see who did it." Wylan has the sense to look deeply concerned but he doesn't look sick, which is more than I can say about my first experience with the body.

"I'd agree with you, Wylan, but I saw the footprints leading away from the body." He turns to me.

"That could've been anyone. You two weren't the only ones out there that night. Ketterdam's streets are rarely empty." I can see Kaz is ready to argue with him but Jesper cuts him off.

"Alright, let's table the animals vs. person discussion since any evidence is gone by now. After this, Inej and yourself returned to our house and somehow roped Ashiana into this with you." I try not to blush.

"I wouldn't say that," I don't have to look up to know Kaz is delivering one of his weighty stares. Inej spares me from having to admit that I asked to go on that miserable mission.

"Ashiana is a good tracker. She helped us find the trail that the attacker left."

"So let me get this straight: you heard screams, found a horribly mauled body, and _then_ you decided to track whatever did it instead of returning indoors where people were not actively being mauled." Inej huffs out a laugh.

"Yes, Jes. That's what we did."

"Fools, all of you. Inej is hopeless when Kaz is around-"

"Hey!"

"-but Ashiana, I thought you had more sense than that."

"Well, I-"

"That isn't the point, Jesper." Kaz's low voice cuts off all arguments. Jesper doesn't look even mildly put out.

"And the point is?"

"What we found. Ashiana was in the lead because she-"

"-had foolish joined the two of you-"

"-was very successfully tracking whoever-"

"-whatever-" Wylan inserts.

"-killed that person." I glance up at Kaz, surprised by his accolade, though I'm sure it was mostly just to shut Jesper up. The look on his face is one of limited patience, which seems to be swiftly diminishing. I decide to take the lead, hoping to stretch his tolerance a little further.

"I was hit by a completely unnatural, unexpected, and intensely powerful wind. It flattened all of us without warning. Then, after a minute, it just ended. It had to be a Squaller. We got up to leave and-"

"And then we heard crying," Inej breaks in softly. We all turn to look at her, surprised by her voice. _She really does fade into the background effectively._ Even though she was still sitting in the same place beside Kaz, it was like she disappeared from view. I see Jesper glance at Wylan and I can tell they've discussed whatever it is that Inej told them about this.

"When I heard it, I went to the entrance of an alleyway. There was a little girl. She couldn't have been older than seven. There was this...woman beside her. She was still moving and groaning occasionally but was completely covered in black. I couldn't see her face. Not at that point. She said-" Inej takes a breath and presses the palms of her hands against her eyes, as though she can block out the images. She takes another breath, uncovering her eyes and placing her hands on the desk so she can lean forward. Kaz turns his gaze toward her, tilting his head up slightly as he does so. I try not to be distracted by him, truly I do, but there's something about an intent Kaz Brekker that draws the eye.

That's when I see it. I thought she was simply leaning forward when she placed her hands on the desk, trying to push out the awful story about that little girl. Now, I see the tips of her fingers curled into Kaz's sleeve. I miss most of what she says, noticing only when she pauses and looks at Kaz. As if on cue, he picks the story back up.

"She turned on her child. She moved so fast, we barely got out of there. If she'd gone for us first, I don't think we would have. But she didn't. She chose to go for the closest and easiest prey." Kaz's detached description doesn't do justice to the wretchedness we witnessed.

"She tried chasing us afterwards. There was some wind winding its way through the streets behind us but we were far enough away that we weren't overly effected." Both Wylan and Jesper sit quietly for a moment.

"The Stadwatch arrived around three this morning. They told us they were instituting a curfew and that we had to either stay inside or come with them, right then, so we could leave the city. All our guests had left by then and we were on our way up to bed. I doubt many people tried to leave." I glance at Inej. When she doesn't say anything, I contradict him.

"I don't think that's true. I think people did try to evacuate. The city was empty around six thirty. If the Stadwatch started going around at three, it's very likely they could've gathered a large group of people long before daybreak. When we arrived at the docks, they were nearly empty."

"Yes, Inej mentioned that. Do you really think the Council of Tides is involved?" Wylan asks, looking appropriately distressed.

"I can't think of anything else that could wreck a vessel as swiftly and surely as that, and certainly not anything that could leave the waters calm afterwards." Jesper still doesn't seem convinced.

"Perhaps it was another Tidemaker. There are more other than the ones on the Council, you know." While I know it sounds like a valid argument, there's no way one or even a couple insane Tidemakers could come together and wrest control away from the Council like that.

"Then why didn't they stop it?" Inej challenges and he sits silently, unable to form a good response.

"Whether it's them or another group of Tidemakers, we should be very concerned. They can drown you from the inside," Inej gives him a questioning look and I know they'll be discussing that comment later.

"So in summary, we've got an insane Squaller, some killer Tidemakers, and something else that enjoys mauling others running around the city. That right?" When Jesper puts it that way, it doesn't seem so overwhelming.

"The Squaller has been taken care of." I look quickly at Inej questioningly. She's glaring at Kaz with remarkable vexation.

"Oh really, when did that happen?" Inej shakes her head.

"Last night. She shouldn't be a problem anymore." I think all of us can tell neither Inej nor Kaz are going to be saying anything else about it.

"So it's just the Tidemakers and the mauler?"

"Perhaps. I believe that whatever happened to the Squaller was committed by the person who mauled the first victim. And I think they somehow managed to transfer their... keenness for killing to the Squaller."

"That's impossible, Kaz. No one can transfer their insanity to another person. If that were the case, we'd all be excellent barrel bosses thanks to our irrational proclivity for hanging around you."

"I don't think any amount of training or transfer could make you into a good gang leader." I glance at Kaz, eyes wide, until I realize he is joking. Jesper makes sputtering noises.

"I'll have you know I'm very effectively helping Wylan run-"

A soft knock at the door interrupts whatever argument he intended to make.

"Come in," Wylan calls out. Inej glances at him.

"Inviting people into my room now?" Wylan blushes. Marian opens the door and slowly enters the room.

"Mr. Van Eck, there is someone at the front door." We all share a look.

"Don't open it." She nods.

"I know your orders, sir. We will not open the doors without your permission. But- well, she seems to know you, sir. And she's very persistent."

"She? Did she give a name?"

"Yes, sir. She says her name is Nina." Inej leaps up and is out the door before any of us move. Kaz is quickly behind her. Wylan and Jesper exchange a look before following. It would appear they all know this woman and, whoever she is, she incites immediate action. By the time I reach the top of the stairs, Jesper and Wylan are disappearing through the hallway that leads around the ballroom to the front door. I hustle after them, interested in seeing exactly who could cause this kind of commotion. Even from the hallway, I can hear Inej demanding that they open the door. Kaz is arguing with her. Jesper and Wylan are only just arriving.

"We can't leave her out there."

"You don't know what kind of shape she's in, Inej."

"She's clearly rational. The Squaller we saw was out of her mind. The Council is acting completely abnormal. We wouldn't be holding a conversation with her if she was like that." Wylan steps forward.

"Nina," he calls loudly through the door.

"Yes," comes the muffled but obviously annoyed reply. "Will you please tell everyone to let us in?" Kaz looks at Inej again.

"Us. We don't know anything about who she has with her." I see Wylan whisper something to Jesper, who steps forward and places his hand on the door. A loud click resounds through the room and he carefully cracks open the door. He peeks out. When nothing attacks him, Inej pushes him out of the way, throws open the door, and disappears onto the stairs in front of the house. I cannot make out the words but the tone is easily identifiable as excited.

Inej re-enters almost immediately, pulling a generously-curved brunette behind her. She wraps her in a hug. When she lets go, Wylan and Jesper step forward. Jesper gets to her first, opening his arms wide. She steps into them with a smile.

"It's good to see you again, Nina," Wylan says and he too steps forward to hug her. Only Kaz hangs back but that's expected. Kaz Brekker would never do anything as humanizing as hugging, even someone who appears to be a well-known and beloved friend. She looks at him.

"Sounds like you're as argumentative as ever, Brekker. Glad to know some things never change." Her teasing grin grows into laughter as she joins Inej's reaction to her statement.

"And you're still just as flippant." His disapproving stare is unimpressed at best.

"I just know how to have fun, even in this mess." It's then that she turns and physically drags a man in behind her. The amused atmosphere disappears as quickly as it came.

"Who's this?" Inej asks carefully. I can tell she wants to welcome Nina's guest but after the last two days, none of us are ready to give any amount of trust to an outsider.

"This is Jaap Mesman. He helped start this situation."


	17. Chapter 17

Prepare yourselves, lovelies.

 **NINA**

Jesper steps behind me and closes the door. Another click, similar to the one I heard outside before they opened the door, sounds as he does so. Wylan is looking at me with something close to astonishment. Kaz is trading significant looks with Inej that seem to infer blame. Jesper moves to stand beside Jaap. I'm glad I cannot see Jaap's face. I've seen his terror too many times on this trip. A girl I've never seen before approaches me and holds out her hand. She's wearing a short, bright red dress that works well for her figure. The neckline is impressive given the position of the sleeves.

"I'm Ashiana." I can tell she's doing what she can to break the tension. I smile.

"Nina Zenik." I make my assessment apparent. "That's an... appealing dress." She surprises me by striking a pose, one leg forward, hands on her hips.

"I'm glad someone appreciates it." She gives me a grin and a nod. Inej moves to my side and I can tell she's pointedly ignoring whatever look Kaz is sending her now.

"I'm glad to see you here safely." She loops her arm through mine and I lean into her.

"I could say the same of you. Although, I wish it was under different circumstances. I wish you all-" I nod at Inej and Wylan. I can't see Jesper, as he's behind me, and I choose not to nod at Kaz. He doesn't deserve my sympathy. "-weren't here at all." Jesper laughs and draws close to Wylan.

"I think we can all agree with that. However, I'm sure you have much better reasoning than we do as you seem...well-informed." I shrug.

"Let's go upstairs. I'll explain everything there. After-" I look around for a way to the kitchen "-I have something to eat." Inej pulls me forward to the hallway in front of us.

"Of course. I'm sure you and Mr. Mesman-"

"Call him Jaap," I answer for him. She looks over her shoulder.

"-are hungry." I hear Jaap's heavy tread behind me. That sound mixed with the sharp click of Kaz's cane against the marble irritates me. I focus on Inej's warm presence beside me.

"It's so good to see you, Nina." Her voice is lower now and I squeeze her arm close to me.

"You too. I've missed you." She nods. Wylan moves close to us.

"Anything in particular you'd like? I can't exactly have anything you want prepared but I'm sure we could make something enjoyable."

"Waffles. Always." Wylan smiles and moves away. I see him approach a woman who's standing at a small side door. Inej pulls me farther along before I can see more.

"We'll go to my room. It seems to be a popular meeting place." I laugh.

"Goodness, I wasn't aware you usually entertained anyone in your room." My raised eyebrows provoke a laugh from her. She smiles but, for just a moment, sadness flashes across her face. I suddenly realize my mistake.

"Inej, I'm sorry. I didn't think-" she shakes her head.

"It's fine. It's just that the last few days have been... that subject has been regrettably reoccurring." I pat her hand in sympathy.

"Hopefully, my marvelous appearance will improve the mood." I toss my head, flipping my hair over my shoulder, as though preening, and delivering it all with a wink.

"I'm sure it will. We could all use a little cheering up now that- well, it sounds like we'll know more soon." I give her a long look.

"It isn't good." She sighs.

"I wasn't particularly hopeful. It will be better to be informed, regardless."

"If you say so. I think I'd rather barricade myself in here and eat until we run out of anything tasty." Another head shake.

"No. I want to know. I've dealt in information for too long to relish being ignorant." We reach the stairs and start up. A cacophony of sounds echo behind me, muted by the giant doors at the foot of the stairs.

"What's in there?" I ask, motioning toward the doors.

"The Dregs." I almost trip.

"What? All of them?"

"All of the ones we could find, yes."

"What are- why?"

"We couldn't very well leave them at the Slat unprotected."

"You're far too kind."

"I'm sure Kaz would agree with you."

"That may be the only thing we ever agree on." I try not to let my voice deepen into a growl but I'm hard-pressed to find a reason to disguise my loathing. Inej looks pained. _Well, there's my reason._ I huff out a breath and try gain some sense of serenity.

"Why are you so angry with him, Nina? When you left I- well, I know with everything- but- you didn't seem quite so angry then."

"Time sometimes brings painful perspective." She's quiet as we reach her room. I follow behind her, taking in the sitting room we enter. The sofa and chairs are all upholstered in a soft yellow fabric, outlined with some kind of dark wood. The rug beneath them contains more royal blue than yellow. A dark blue line runs around the edge, encasing the intricate borders that bear swooping yellow designs on a lighter blue background. Beyond that, the darker blue reappears, bearing what appear to be vines that somehow connect all the dense clusters of beige flowers that lay strewn throughout it. All this converges on the center, forming a medallion that twists upon itself like the script of an ancient and forgotten language. A small desk, it's dark wood matching the other furniture, is pressed against the far wall. I move past it all, enter her bedroom, and collapse on the bed.

"Oh, I had forgotten what a real bed feels like. This is _wonderful_. I'll be staying right here. They can bring me all my meals in bed." She laughs, laying down beside me.

"I'm sure we can find a room for you."

"Nah, I'll just stay with you. We need to catch up anyway."

"I don't think you'd like what I have to say." I raise an eyebrow.

"I doubt anything you say could top the mess you're about to hear out of Jaap's mouth."

"That's not what I mean." I give her a hard look. She turns from me, letting her gaze rove over the ceiling.

"Is it about Kaz?" She sighs. She doesn't have to say a word. I've heard that same sigh come out of her mouth when he comes up too many times.

"You're too good for him, Inej. And I'm not just saying that because I strongly dislike him. I care about you. You need to find someone kind, someone good, someone who isn't going to destroy everything in his path in the pursuit of greed or power."

"That isn't all he is, Nina. And- who's to say I deserve someone good? I've committed crimes right along with him. People have died at my hand. How am I any better?" I flop onto my back beside her, joining her in perusing the ceiling.

"You're better than all of us put together. You have a sense of morality all of us lack. Well, all except maybe Ma- even Wylan has his own immoral tendencies. But you, you were always the best of us." I turn my head to her and see that her eyes are closed.

"Nina-" The door opens beyond the bedroom. Both of us sit up, instantly on alert. A maid enters carrying something that smells delicious and I almost moan.

"Are those waffles? You know, I don't even care. Bring it in here. I'm ready for whatever you've got for me." The maid sees us and carefully crosses the room.

"Where would you like this, Ms. Ghafa?" Inej motions to me.

"This is Nina Zenik. It's for her. You can bring it in here." As she enters, Inej motions to the maid.

"This is Sentria. She mostly helps in the kitchen as her sister is the cook. They're the ones that come up with all the delicious recipes." Sentria has the grace to look embarrassed. I grin at her.

"Well you're officially one of my favorite people. It's very nice to meet you." I almost hold out my hand before I remember she's holding a tray laden with food. For me. I pat the bed.

"You can put it here. Thank you, Sentria." She slowly lowers in onto the bed and steps back.

"It's a pleasure, Ms. Zenik. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"You can call me Nina." Inej chuckles.

"Good luck. Wylan's been trying to get everyone to stop calling him Mr. Van Eck for over a year." I snicker. Sentria curtsies without replying, hurrying out of the room.

"I think I scared her off."

"I think that's just what they do when they disagree with your request. Best to run instead of refuse to acquiesce." I lift the lid. Stacked three high are golden waffles, syrup and butter oozing down the side.

"Wylan is the best. So is the cook. Did you tell me her name? She's great. Did I mention Wylan's also one of my favorite people?" Inej rolls her eyes, our laughter mingling. I relax. This is the most comfortable I've been in a year; and the most well-fed.

"Anyway, Inej-" I start again, hoping for a chance to drive home my completely reasonable sentiments. Before I can get any farther, the door opens again.

"Don't people knock anymore? Isn't that a thing?" I ask, frustration coloring my tone. Jesper laughs as he walks toward us.

"Nope. Not when you own the house."

"I'm pretty sure you knocked a couple days ago before you entered my room."

"Yes, well, that was before it became the hangout spot." Inej shakes her head. Jesper doesn't even ask before dropping onto the mattress behind us. I barely manage to hold my tray upright.

"If you spill my waffles, I will stop your heart." Jesper either doesn't have the sense or makes a concerted effort not to look concerned.

"Nah, I'm far too lovable."

"Just because Wylan thinks you're adorable does not mean that opinion extends to the rest of us." I attempt my best serious face but the mixture of waffles and the close presence of friends makes it impossible. I can't help the upward turn at the corners of my mouth. Inej leans back against Jesper and his arm curls around her waist, drawing her against his chest. I can tell she's been tense, even during our talk, because the release of tension from her shoulders is noticeable. She makes a soft humming noise that denotes appreciation.

"I'll pay you to rub my shoulders," she says softly, eyes closed.

"I get to decide the method of payment," Jesper jokes as he begins to uncurl himself. Another figure enters and I look up, spotting Kaz's gaze fixed on us. Although, there's no doubt in my mind his sole focus is Inej. Jesper straightens, places his hands on her shoulders, and begins his ministrations. It takes less than a minute for him to rub a groan out of her. I watch Kaz surreptitiously as I dig into my waffle. At the sound of her groan of gratitude, he turns and leaves.

 _If it's that easy to drive him away, I should be able to liberate her from his claws fairly easily. The difficulty will lie in convincing her._

In less than five minutes, Wylan walks in with Jaap in tow. The lovely Ashiana is right on their heels. Now, the only one missing is Kaz. I'm not particular concerned with his absence so I finish up the last few bites of waffles and lean over to put the tray on the floor beside me. Just before I start, Kaz re-enters, as though he can feel the start of the conversation. I wonder then if he's been hovering nearby, waiting until everyone else arrives. I elbow Inej and her eyes open. She rolls her shoulders.

"Thanks, Jes."

"Anytime. I'll make sure to discuss my fees later." She laughs, stretches and settles herself against Jesper, as he doesn't seem inclined to move. I take a look at Kaz out of the corner of my eye. His face is blank but I know from experience that his carefully-crafted facade can conceal a multitude of emotions. I have a sneaking suspicion it hides anger now. Inej seems to notice him for the first time, a testament to Jesper's skills as a masseuse. I may be willing to work out a fee schedule too. I can feel her starting to tense up again and withdraw.

 _This. This is why she doesn't need to be with him. No healthy relationship causes concern by the mere appearance of the partner._

Jesper pulls her back to him.

"Oh no you don't. Wylan hates getting all cuddly in public and I'm always left bereft. I'm not letting you get away now." Wylan turns red as Jesper wraps both arms around her. Even as I laugh, I watch her eyes meet Kaz's. For a moment, something like - _is that_ _pain?_ \- flashes across his face. Then, the mask slides over it again. Inej sighs and tries to play it off as feigned defeat. I know it's deeper than that though. She would never want to hurt Kaz. Still, she knows fighting Jesper would only draw attention to the issue. I jump into the conversation as quickly as I can.

"Now that you're all here and I'm appropriately fed," I wink at Wylan and he nods, his face still pink. "We can get started." Everyone moves into the bedroom until it's crowded. Ashiana and Wylan take a seat on the bench in front of the mirrored dresser. Jaap stands awkwardly off to the side. Kaz leans against the doorway, as though separately and objectively observing something that's only mildly interesting.

"As I said when I made my grand entrance," Inej chuckles, "this is Jaap Mesman and he's partly responsible for the situation at hand." Jaap has the decency to look ashamed. "I'm sure you're wondering how one man could screw up so completely and put an entire race of people at risk." Inej turns toward me then.

"An entire race of people?"

"We'll get to that. The group I was with at the time heard about some kind of experiments being performed on Grisha. We decided to check it out. I discovered this coward trying to sneak away when we entered. After a short period of questioning and absolutely no torture, he babbled out the entire thing. I came as soon as I heard what was happening."

"That's admirable," his tone says otherwise.

"It's not like I came for you, Brekker. I knew these two would need help and" I glance at Inej "-I excepted that if you weren't already here, you'd come once you heard there was trouble. I couldn't let you get tied up in this mess without some help."

"It's not like she would've been alone," Kaz points out, sounding almost offended.

"Somehow, your presence doesn't increase my confidence in her safety. In fact, it's your involvement that seems to most frequently put her in danger." We're glaring at each other now. I feel the old anger rise in me. I tried not to blame him for Matthias's death at first but, as time went on, his role in it became the only one I could see as a cause. If he hadn't insisted on this ridiculous plan, fueled only by his greed, Matthias would probably still be alive. Yes, he helped get him out of prison but he only did so to serve himself. In the end, it was Kaz's plan that got him killed. Inej clears her throat.

"I appreciate the thought, Nina. I really do. However, I'm more interested in what Jaap has to say at this point." She turns to him. "Why don't you tell us your side of it?" She asks, her voice low and her tone kind. I almost growl. He does not deserve any kindness. I have about as much sympathy for him as I do for Kaz. Maybe, probably, less.

"Well-" he coughs a little, attempting to clear his throat. "I'm a scientist. Not a user of the small science but a scientist like Bo Yul-Bayur. In fact, his discovery is- was- the focus of our work. We, several colleagues of mine and I, were very concerned about jurda parem and it's addictive properties. We'd come across several Grisha who had ingested it and while it effected each slightly differently, the end result was always the same - all of them ended up dead once their supply ended." He takes a deep breath before continuing.

"Even though the original supply of parem was running low, we knew others would try to re-create it. It was only a matter of time before someone created something similar, or possibly even worse."

"I don't know how much worse it could be." Jaap winces as Jesper's words.

"Then, perhaps, you have not considered the possibility of a strain that would make the user impervious to other Grisha's powers." The weight of the silence is palpable. When I first heard his story, there were- still are- things that I agree with; things I believed to be valid points. It was the method I disapproved of.

"We were aware of the- well, some of the other attempts to re-create parem. There were whispers of just such a modification. We felt that it was imperative for some kind of cure to be created along with it."

"A cure?" Inej looks at me then, confusion evident. "Would that- isn't that a good thing?" Her question may have been directed at Jaap but I can tell she means it for me.

"We certainly thought so. As it turned out, a cure was not what we settled on. We decided preventative measures should be taken. With it's addictive qualities, users shouldn't have to decide to stop taking it and seek treatment. The impetus wouldn't be there. One of the main symptoms of parem use is that the user enjoys the power it gives them. Who wouldn't enjoy nearly unlimited power? Thus, a cure wouldn't be nearly as effective. So we began creating a vaccine." Inej does direct her question to me then.

"I thought you didn't like him? This sounds like a good idea."

"Just wait," I murmur.

"We began working on a vaccine that would just prevent the addiction, thus enabling the users to stop taking it. Our goal was to prevent the insurmountable amount of deaths leaving it running rampant would've caused. However, as we got farther in, we didn't think that would be enough. People could then still use it and choose to continue. So we decided to make it an inoculation against it's effect altogether. Anyone who was vaccinated would not be empowered by drug at all, regardless of how much they took."

"Did you succeed? How were you doing this?" Wylan asks. I can tell he's interested in the chemical process and truly, it is interesting.

"We obtained some parem. As with all vaccines, you need to begin with the issue and work backwards. We used very small amounts to create what we believed would prevent it from ever taking effect. We believed we'd succeeded. The vaccine we created attached itself to cells and multiplied throughout the body until all the cells were inoculated. As soon as new ones were created, the vaccine would attach itself to those. By making it part of the cellular structure, able to be continuously reproduced, only one vaccine need ever be applied. Additionally, any children carried by a vaccinated Grisha would automatically be vaccinated as well."

"That's brilliant." Wylan looks ready to burst with excitement.

"It seemed like it at the time. Once we determined it was attaching to the cells correctly, we decided it was time to test it." I turn my glare onto him then. Inej glances at me.

"How exactly did you go about testing it? Did you find previously infected Grisha?" Jaap sighs and looks at the ground.

"No. By the time we finished, we could not find anymore infected Grisha. The world's supply of parem had simply become too low. If there was any in production, those effected weren't making their way to us."

"So how did you do it?" Wylan asks, concerned now. _As he should be._

"We gave it to them ourselves."

"You what? You purposefully gave people a drug you knew could kill them? Did they know you were going to do this?"

"No, they did not." I growl.

"We vaccinated them first. We truly believed we'd created an effective inoculation."

"Did you tell them about the vaccine? Did any of them volunteer to be vaccinated?" Inej inquires.

"Nope," I say, my nostrils flaring as I attempt to take some calming breaths.

"So you involuntarily vaccinated some Grisha-"

"Not some, Inej. Seventy Grisha. They kidnapped seventy men, women and children and shot them up with their 'miracle drug.' And then they dosed them with parem." Inej's eyes widen. Everyone looks at Jaap in horror.

"Did it- it didn't work, did it?" Inej says slowly. Jaap shakes his head, staring at his shoes.

"Tell them what it did, Jaap. Tell them what you did to all those Grisha. Tell them what you created." The anger rises so sharp and fierce in me that I have to grab Inej's hand, crushing it in mine, my nails digging deep into her skin. She doesn't react, still staring at Jaap, waiting for an answer.

"We vaccinated and immediately dosed them. We wanted to see how quickly it would take effect. It- the vaccine didn't work as expected."

"Clearly or this story would be taking a very different turn." Kaz comments quietly.

"What happened?" Ashiana finally joins the conversation, her voice tainted with trepidation.

"They became... I'd say it's akin to begin rabid. Not only is effecting those who took it, when they bite another Grisha, the cells in their saliva transfer to the other Grisha and they become infected as well. Thankfully, the drug hasn't increased their powers."

"Oh, yes, thankfully it hasn't done that. As if there's anything in this situation to be thankful for," I spit.

"But they still retain their power. They- when we made the vaccine, we tried to make it so that those who had taken parem before would still be able to benefit from the vaccine. We wanted it to take away the effects of the already ingested parem; to make them resistant to it. Instead, it made them resistant to other Grisha's powers." The stunned silence that fills the room lasts for several minutes. Finally, Kaz breaks it.

"So, you're saying you created seventy Grisha that are resistant to other's powers and pass on this ability to other Grisha through bites?" Jaap nods. "Where are they now?"

"We weren't expecting this reaction. We had Fabrikator-created glass enclosing the facility and other measures in place to contain the patients. But we didn't expect the behavior they exhibited. We weren't prepared-"

"And?" Jesper questions.

"And it was a massacre. Almost all of them escaped."

"What about regular people? Does it effect them?" Kaz presses.

"It doesn't seem to have any effect at all. However, the Grisha seem to- they have- it is-" another deep breath "-if any of the current actions are to be considered, they have become rather singular in focus."

"How so?" Kaz asks. Jaap stays silent. "Spit it out, man."

"The Grisha that are infected are hunting humans- only humans. When they catch one... it doesn't end well for them. Maybe you've noticed?" Inej shudders beside me.

"Where were the experiments taking place?"

"A small inlet off of Shu Han. They had the largest supply left so it was easier to obtain some. And it was close to the sea, fairly remote. We could dismantle the operation and depart quickly if necessary."

"And somehow they made their way to Ketterdam from there."

"Yes."

"How did you get here, Nina? Where were you in all of this?" Inej asks quietly. "We saw the harbor. No one is leaving. I'm surprised you were able to get in at all."

"I arrived during the fortunate hours right after the dosing. We'd heard about a group collecting Grisha for some reason. I was traveling with a team of about twenty. We set off in different directions to search for them. I had a partner-" I wince.

"She was bitten when we got there. I found Mr. Mesman here escaping via boat. He and I took a nice ride over here on that boat. I got in before they arrived. They weren't far behind us though. By the time we made port, it was only a couple hours before they arrived. We- well, I was watching the harbor. This lovely gentleman was cowering in a corner."

"A group of Tidemakers brought them in. Some Inferni joined them and they all went for the Council's tower first. By that time, I had heard the entirety of Jaap's story. I realized I had to come help all of you. I thought maybe we could find something, some way, to stave this off before it really hit the city. But I couldn't even get past the port before the Stadwatch arrived, insisting that we stay inside or leave. It took us a while to make our way here."

Silence. What was there to say? I'd sat just like them when I heard the conclusion of his awful narrative. Ashiana finally fractures it.

"What do we do now?" She whispers.

"We leave." Kaz's voice is strong, decisive, as though he was just waiting for someone to ask that very question.

"We can't just leave, Kaz." Inej begins.

"I don't see why not."

"Where would we go? If Ketterdam is any indication, it's already spreading through Shu Han. Ravka will be next. There won't be anywhere safe. And even if there was somewhere to go, how would we do it? You saw the state of the harbor."

"You think I can't find a way out of Ketterdam?" His question sounds more like a challenge.

"Not with all the Dregs. No, I don't. Are you willing to leave all of them behind? Or will you choose a few you think are useful and leave the rest?" Her words are short, clipped, belaying the danger beneath; of the repercussions for those that dare to disagree. I can tell he wants to argue with her but, regardless of her tone, she makes a valid point. Getting a small group of people out of a building or off an island is manageable. More than ten and the odds shift significantly.

"I think we should all take a break. A lot has been discussed. We need some time to process it before we make any decisions." Wylan says, attempting to mediate. Kaz and Inej stare at each other for another few seconds before they look away. I occasionally wonder just how much they understand from looks alone. Sometimes, it seems like they have entire conversations without words. With a sigh, Jesper begins to rise.

"Alright, my lovely ladies. I must depart. But fear not, I will return. He gives both of us a kiss on the cheek. I dart a look at Kaz, who is watching, as always, Inej. He turns sharply, his footsteps retreating swiftly. Wylan stands and joins Jesper. They follow although I doubt it's to join Kaz. Wylan stops in the sitting room.

"Mr. Mesman, if you'd like to join me?" It's phrased as a request but it doesn't give any indication that it's meant as one. I'm grateful he's called him away. I'd hate to have to find a place to send him. Ashiana comes and sits on the edge of the bed once the door is closed.

"This is much worse than I ever imagined," she confesses. I can tell she is worried by the way she grabs her hand, holds it tightly for a moment, pulls away, and then does the same to the other one - a repetition that continues seemingly without thought.

"I know," Inej answers, grabbing one of her hands and holding it still in hers. "But we'll work through it. We'll find a way."

"This is much bigger than a job, Inej. This isn't just some mission. This is a worldwide issue. There are thousands, no, millions, billions of lives at stake. Who knows how many people are infected? How many are already dead?" I can hear each word exiting a little higher than the last, her breath coming in shorter increments. Inej squeezes her hand, trying to draw her attention away from her mounting anxiety.

"I know but- remember, we are together for such a time as this." She puts her other hand on her arm, shaking it a little. "Remember?" Ashiana looks at her then, her eyes slightly unfocused. She takes a couple deep breaths.

"This is quite a time."

"I know but... this isn't a surprise to God. He knew all this would happen." It's the first time I've ever heard her speak about God. Sure, I've heard her pray to her Saints but an over-arching power like a monotheistic god isn't something we've ever discussed. Clearly, though, she and Ashiana have. And they must share the same beliefs because she nods.

"Yes, you're right."

"There's a purpose here, Ashiana. We may not be able to see it now but we have to trust. We have to trust that we're not alone. There's a reason for all of this. And in the end, while it may not be the result we expect or want or understand, God is in control of all of it. He never fails. And-" she gives her one more shake "-He will not forsake us."

"But what if we die?" She whispers, abject fear apparent.

"Sometimes God rescues His people through death. But take heart, He has overcome this world. Be brave. Be strong. Be courageous. We are _not alone_." Part of me feels like an intruder. This isn't a side of Inej I've ever experienced. She turns to smile at me then, as though she can sense my unease.

"Come now, Nina. Help me out. I can't handle all the bolstering on my own." I try to smile back but the truth is, I feel about the same as Ashiana. I've just had more time to process it. Her gaze switches from encouraging to understanding when our eyes meet.

"I think it might be best for us to follow Wylan's suggestion. I don't think I'm the only one who needs some time. It may be best..." she pauses. "Do you know where Wylan's room is?" I shake my head.

"Ashiana, will you show her? They can help her find a room. I think a little alone time might help everyone." I recognize the dismissal, heave myself off the bed and meet Ashiana at the end of it.

"We'll talk soon," I tell her firmly. She nods. With that, although she hasn't offered it, I take Ashiana's hand and pull her towards the door. "Now, show me how to get there. I'm ready for a bed of my own."


	18. Chapter 18

Prepare yourselves in an entirely different way *fans self* lol. If you're not into adult themes (I think most of those people got scared away with the torture chapter), you may want to skip the latter part of the chapter. The _BREAK_ will indicate where it begins. You won't miss any plot points. If you have any issues with anything I've written, please PM me. I don't want anyone to be unable to enjoy what I've written because of a couple paragraphs. Thanks! Hope y'all enjoy!

 **INEJ**

I wait until late afternoon before making my way out of my room. Although, I know the servants hate when I do so, I meander into the kitchen in search of food. Heloise, the cook, is sitting at the head of the long table that serves as a gathering place for the servants. During meals, it is always full of men and women, relaxing and joking among themselves. It is the center for discussion among the staff. Now, it is empty of everyone except Heloise. She doesn't see me as soon as I enter, her face focused on the table in front of her, concern etched deep in her brow. Her wide frame seems somehow smaller that it's supposed to be, as though the weight of worry is pressing her uncomfortably close together. I hesitate to disturb her but I'm hungry and I don't want to call upon the servants when I can fetch what I need for myself.

"Heloise," I say softly. She jumps, her eyes catching sight of me in the corner. She pushes away from the table and stands.

"Oh, Ms. Ghafa, I didn't see you there. Let me ring for one of the girls. You shouldn't have to come down here. We can bring you whatever you need." I motion for her to stop.

"It's alright, I wanted to come. I can get what I need without having to ring for someone."

"But-"

"Sit, please. I didn't mean to intrude. I'm just looking for a snack."

"It's our job, miss."

"I know. And you're all very good at it. Please don't be upset. I just wanted to do it by myself." She sighs but nods.

"Yes, miss. What can I get for you?"

"What do you have a lot of?" She looks a little confused for a moment. "I don't want to take something you're going to need later. We need to ration what we have. Just give me whatever you have an excess of. I'm not picky." Something in her seems to relax.

"Thank you, miss."

"I'd tell you to call me Inej but every time I tell that to a servant, they run away." She laughs then, perhaps louder than necessary but it's a good laugh. Tension is leaking away through that laugh.

"We've all been well-trained in the art of service. The previous Mr. Van Eck chose carefully. One of the first things you learn is never to call the family or their guests by their first name."

"Yes, I can see that. Still, I'd prefer Inej." She smiles a little.

"As a cook, I wasn't so thoroughly trained in the way household servants are since my place is always in the kitchen. Perhaps I can manage to call you Inej."

"Thank you." I recognize the acceptance and trust a first-name basis implies. Were she to slip up in the company of others, judgment - if only from the other servants - would be swift.

"Let's see what we can find for you, Inej." She turns toward a door at her left. I follow her into the pantry, moving slowly, carefully, softly, so as not to bring too much attention to the fact that I'm entering an area regularly reserved for servants alone.

She takes an immediate right and I'm left to stare at the vast storage the pantry supplies. I had no idea the amount of food that was kept here. While it seems a lot to me now, I know it will dwindle quickly with the amount of people we have in the house. She hums a little to herself as she gathers a few items. She goes farther back and lifts the lid of a trunk-like bin. With this last addition, her arms are noticeably full.

"Can I help?" She shakes her head.

"Just close the door behind me." I nod and follow her out, closing the door quietly.

She lays the food out on the table. A soft loaf of bread, some strawberries, and what looks to be chicken.

"This is too much." She chuckles as she puts a pan on the stovetop.

"I'm not going to give all of it to you."

"But these foods. They're-"

"Going to spoil quickly." She begins humming again as she breaks off a generous portion of bread, slices some strawberries, and puts the chicken in the pan. It sizzles slightly as it heats and the smell makes my mouth water. Once it's done, she arranges it all on a plate. I sit on the end of the bench that runs the length of the table. While she, wipes down the cooking area and removes the pan from the stovetop to cool, I bow my head in a prayer of thanks. When she's done, she sits next to me.

"Thank you, Heloise. I appreciate it." She nods. I dig into the chicken first, not wanting to let it get cold. It's skin is a little crunchy, as though it was roasted close to the fire. The inside is tender and juicy. I move onto the strawberries next. They're perfectly ripe and I eat only a few slices before trying the bread. It is soft and tears apart easily but is not crumbly as most loafs are. I alternate between the strawberries and bread until I'm done. I turn to her with a smile.

"That was perfect. Thank you again, Heloise." She returns my smile with one of her own. Her eyes are bright, as though she's close to tears. I pat her hand.

"Are you alright? I know this situation is awful. It must be hard to have to stay, not to be able to go out at the end of the day." She nods.

"It is difficult but-" she turns her head from me. "I don't think I'd mind it so much if my son wasn't out there." I suck in a breath. I curse myself for not thinking of this sooner. Of course, the servants have family out there. Their lives don't revolve entirely around the house.

"Oh, Heloise, I didn't-"

"It's ok."

"It's not. Where does he live? Is it far?" She shakes her head.

"Just a little ways down the road. I thought, hoped, maybe he'd come here but we can't even open the doors so even if he did..."

"I understand. Let me talk to Wylan and Jesper. Who else has family out there?"

"Almost everyone has someone in Ketterdam. Only a couple of the younger ones exclusively have family outside of it; farm boys and girls who came to make their way in the city."

"I want a list of everyone's family and where they live. Can you get that for me? And... I need to know if any of them are Grisha." She looks at me then, giving me a hard look.

"Why?"

"It's... particularly dangerous for Grisha out there right now." I can tell she wants know more but instead she just nods.

"I'll have a list for you tomorrow morning. Will that be ok?"

"Yes. I will talk to Wylan about it tonight and we'll see what we can do tomorrow." She places her hands over mine, squeezing gently.

"Thank you, Inej. You are a good woman. May the Saints bless you." I squeeze her hands in return.

"You as well." With that, I stand. "I'll see you tomorrow." My trip up the stairs doesn't take long. I pass the ballroom on my way to the next set of stairs. The door is slightly open and I catch a glimpse of a group crowded in the far corner. I've no doubt what the draw is. Kaz must be handling business. I make note of it as I head up the stairs. I knock softly on Wylan and Jesper's door. I hear shuffling and Jesper opens it, looking disheveled.

"Evening, Inej. What brings you to our door? Come to join the fun?" He winks at me and I smile.

"Unfortunately no. And I'm sorry to say I may be here to destroy the fun." He sighs.

"I figured you had some grim news." He opens the door wider. Wylan is pulling on a shirt as I enter. He faces me, his cheeks flushed. I try very hard not to consider what they've been doing.

"Grim news, indeed. I wanted to share some thoughts with you before bed. I don't want to discuss what we heard earlier. I think it would be wise to wait till morning for that conversation." Wylan and Jesper nod in tandem.

"We feel the same. I think everyone would benefit from a little sleep to process everything."

"Yes, I agree. I have something else for us to mull over before morning." Jes raises an eyebrow. "I've just come from the kitchen. I was speaking with Heloise."

"They let you in the kitchen?" Wylan looks a little offended. "They never let me in the kitchen," he mutters. I would laugh if the situation wasn't so serious.

"I hadn't thought about the servant's families. We brought the Dregs with us, which I still believe was the right thing to do, despite the overwhelming amount of guests we're now housing. However, the servants have people out there too; some of them have children." Jesper looks pained. Wylan looks a little panicked.

"It never occurred to me..." he says softly, looking guilty.

"Me either. I've asked Heloise to gather a list of all their families and where they live. I'd like to take out a search party tomorrow to see if we can find a few of them and bring them back." Jesper's shaking his head before I'm even halfway done.

"It's not a good idea, Inej. We don't know what the situation is out there."

"Then we should find out. Sitting in here isn't going to benefit us. We need to see what the state of the city is and pick up any supplies we can while there are still some left."

"Have you talked to Kaz about this?" I roll my eyes.

"I don't need to. I know what his answer will be."

"And I'm inclined to agree with him. Inej, look, I know it's tough but you can't save everyone. Even if we could get some of them here, then what? Are we just going to stay in here until we run out of food?"

"We're going to figure out a plan. I'm sure Kaz already has something in the works. Bringing in a few more people isn't going to make a huge difference. And like I said, we can grab some food and other supplies while we're out there." Jesper sighs. Wylan looks on, still silent.

"We'll discuss it more tomorrow. Let's wait until we have the list before we decide anything," Wylan says, finally entering the conversation.

"Thank you, Wylan. I'm going to bed. I'll see you two in the morning." Jesper nods and walks me to the door.

"Sleep well." I chuckle.

"I'll try." The door shuts behind me and I hear the lock turn. I decide I may want to employ that tonight. I don't need anyone barging in as everyone seems inclined to do today. I walk back down the stairs and enter the ballroom, hanging back near the winter wall. Across the room, the group is starting to disperse but there are still a couple layers of people around Kaz. I watch, sitting and waiting until I catch his eye. He's always been able to sense me. I doubt that has changed.

It only takes a couple minutes before his eyes meet mine as someone steps away. Almost immediately, someone slips into that spot and he's hidden from me again. I don't move. I want him to know I'm waiting on him. He'll follow once he knows.

It only takes another ten minutes before our eyes lock together again. I see understanding there and I slip out into the hallway. Within a short accumulation of seconds, he appears, his cane clicking beside him as he exits. I push the door shut behind him and softly brush his sleeve, curling my fingers into it for a moment, signaling that he should follow. We walk up the stairs without a word. When we enter my room, I close the door behind him and lock it. He raises an eyebrow as I do so.

"I don't feel like entertaining unexpected visitors tonight." He stares, his face impassive.

"What business, Inej?" His cold tone is unexpected. I can't remember the last time he said that to me. He continues once I fail to respond. "Did you have something you wanted to discuss?" I look up at him, taking in his expressionless mask, knowing he's hiding something from me.

"I think we could both benefit from some sleep."

"I don't need you to mother me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I scoff.

"You need mothering more than anyone I know. You push yourself too far, everyday, in everything you do." I can see him bristling at my comment and I ready myself for an argument.

"I don't need your opinion on how I live my life. I survived for the last year without you. I think I can make it through another day."

"There's a lot more to life than just surviving."

"Right now, surviving seems like a pretty good achievement." I take a deep breath, trying not to let my frustration override my good sense. Arguing with him isn't going to get me anywhere. He'd argue with a fence post and it'd probably turn out about the same. I switch tactics.

"We're friends, Kaz. Caring for each other is what friends do."

"I'm sure there many people who would love some of that care. I'm not one of them." I clench my fists, trying to hold onto rational thought. If he would just let me-

 _Chill, Inej. Be calm._

"Kaz, please, let's just-"

"No. Not interested." He moves to turn away and I can't hold it at bay any longer.

"Why are you acting like this? Have I offended you in some way? We were fine just this morning. Now you're-" a knock at the door stops me short. I turn my glare toward it.

"Inej-" I hear Nina's muffled voice calling out to me. "Can I-"

"No. I'll see you in the morning."

"But-"

"Goodnight, Nina." I feel bad about my abrupt answer but I'm not letting Kaz get out of this. We're finishing this conversation whether he likes it or not. I grab his arm and shove him toward my bedroom door. His surprise at my forcefulness carries him into my room and I slam the door behind me. Within moments, his surprise melts away and the anger simmering behind the icy mask is back.

"Are you sure you don't want your bed pal back? She sounds like she wants to-"

"Is that what this is about?" I nearly shout, then I make a concerted effort to lower my voice. "Jesper and Nina sitting on my bed with me?" I can tell he doesn't want to admit it but I know I've uncovered the real reason for his distance.

"We're all friends here, Kaz. I haven't seen Nina in a year. If you have such a problem with it, why don't you make an effort to join me instead of blaming others who take the opportunity?"

"You think I don't want to? You think I don't wish I could-" I jerk my arm towards the bed, ignoring the avoidance of an area I know to be a sore spot for him.

"Then why don't you?" I ask, pushing where I know I shouldn't. He draws in a harsh breath.

"You know why."

"No, I don't. Not really. And I'm not going to make you tell me. But we've moved farther into whatever this is over the last few days than we ever have before. If you want something, you have to keep trying. Hiding from me isn't going to make it better. It will just make the gap harder to bridge next time."

"Fine." I've already begun the next part of the argument in my head so it takes a moment for that single word to sink in.

"What?" He draws in another breath, longer this time, as though it causes him great pain to repeat it.

"I said, fine."

"'Fine' as in 'ok you're going to try it'?" He rakes a hand through his hair.

"Yeah." I stand still, dumbfounded. This is not how I expected this argument to end. A part of me is afraid now, unsure of what to do. I've never invited a man to my bed. He moves away, to the left side of the bed, and rests his cane against the side table. I'm frozen for a moment until he looks at me. The undisguised uncertainty in his eyes brings me to my senses.

I turn and head into the bathroom, needing a moment to collect myself. I look in the mirror when I get in there, taking in my face, eyes wide, a few escaped tendrils framing my face. I reach around and untie my hair, shaking it out so it falls loose around me. I look over to at the edge of the sink, my soft shirt and pants that function as my pajamas still laying there. I strip quickly, pulling them on as fast as I can. I hold my breath for a moment, hoping it will somehow still my rapidly beating heart. When it has no effect, I wrap my arms around myself, trying to calm down. I exhale as I lower my head, staring at the counter for several seconds.

 _Well, none of this is working. Best to just go forward._ I drop my arms and head back into my bedroom. When I get there, I see Kaz's jacket draped over the bench beside the dresser, his shoes underneath it. His gloves lay on the side table. He keeps the rest of his clothes on, for which I'm glad. I don't think either of us are ready for a major change in dress. Our eyes meet and I freeze again, the fear overtaking me. He moves first, breaking me out of the hold it has on me. He steps close to the bed but doesn't bend to get into it, as though waiting for permission.

I put one foot forward, then another, until I am parallel with him, both of us posed to get in. I reach for the blankets, my hand gripping the sheet, pulling it back slowly. After a moment, he mimics my movement. I turn to the side, sitting on the edge, before slowly sliding my feet underneath the blankets. Every nerve is on alert as he does the same. I turn to face him as I lower my head onto the pillow, keeping as close to the edge as possible. He does the same and the gap between us seems immense.

I know I'm going to have to be the one to overcome it. This is too far into the realm of the unknown for him. I, at least, have been joined by friends on beds, even sharing a bed with some female friends occasionally. I don't know when he last shared a bed with someone, if he ever has. I reach for him then, laying my hand close to his, not touching. He has to be the one to bring about that contact. I can't- I won't- be the one to do it. After several minutes, he takes my hand, his thumb rubbing the inside of my wrist slowly. Every so often, he presses his thumb into my pulse, as though needing to feel the blood pumping through me. Neither of us speak. I'm afraid to, worried any words will I spook him into disappearing. Finally, he says something, his voice so low that I can barely hear it.

"Is this ok?" I nod, still too scared to do more than that. Even if I could, I don't know what I'd say. As my heart slows from it's rapid beating, my eyelids grow heavy. The adrenaline is wearing off, bringing with it the necessity of sleep. At long last, I find my voice.

"Don't leave," I say sleepily, although it probably sounds more like a command.

"I won't." He whispers. With that, I drift into slumber.

_BREAK_

 _I sigh as his head drops, his lips at my neck, trailing light kisses down it. He stops at my collarbone, his teeth scraping it, his tongue darting out to soothe the skin afterwards. One of his hands drifts below my waist, pulling me toward him. His hips rock against mine and I moan._

" _Oh, yes." I feel more than hear his chuckle at my whispered encouragement. His hand moves down my thigh. I move my leg until he can reach behind my knee. In one movement, he lifts it, draping it over his hip. His hand moves upward then, cupping my breast through my shirt, squeezing gently as I press myself into him. His fingers flick open the top button of my shirt, then another, and another, until he can push it off my shoulder, exposing the flesh beneath. His hand is back on my breast, his thumb passing over the nipple. It hardens in response. Then he's pulling away and I whimper at the loss._

" _Kaz-"_

" _Yes, my love." Then his lips are on me, his tongue swirling around the nipple, his teeth closing carefully around the sensitive area. My body arches toward him, another moan escaping. His fingers brush down my stomach, dipping below the waist of my pants, until he finds the hot, wet heat of my body. One finger-_

" _Oh, Kaz, yes, please-"_

"Inej." _Then another-_

"Inej," the voice brings me back to consciousness and, for a moment, I'm unsure where I am. Then, I feel his hand in mine and despite the disorientation, I'm instantly aware of his body, so close I could easily pull him to me and wrap my arms around him.

"Mmmm?" The upward lilt of my tone indicating a question. Still caught in the throes of the titilating dream-state, I struggle to form a coherent response.

"You were saying my name. You were-" if the dream was any indication, I know exactly kind of noises I was making. My face grows hot as I come back to reality.

"I was dreaming about you," I admit, surprising myself. I didn't mean for that to slip out.

"Oh?" I'm glad it's dark so he can't see the look of embarrassment on my face.

"What was it about?" I think he knows he shouldn't ask; that it will be hard for me to tell him. But we've come so far in the last few days, the admission isn't really that much farther. They're just words.

"You- we were-" he stays silent, waiting patiently, although I can feel the tension stretching between us. "You were kissing me." He doesn't move. I'm not sure he's even breathing. "And-" I stop, unable to voice what else went on it that delicious fantasy. He doesn't let me pause for long.

"And?" I swallow hard.

"And you were- our bodies were close-" he moves our bodies together ever so gently.

"Like this?" I shift slightly, pressing myself closer to him.

"Yes."

"And then?"

"Then you- my leg was draped over your hip-" his hand is lightening fast, gripping my leg, pulling it over himself, letting go immediately. I can't help myself, my hips roll against his of their own accord. I whimper, the repressed desire almost too intense. He draws in a sharp breath as I do so and I do everything I can to stay still.

"Then?" His breath is coming quicker now, matching my own.

"Your hand-" I find his, pulling it up to my breast "-here." I squeeze it gently then let my hand fall away, leaving him there to do as he will. He doesn't move for a moment and then he's cupping it of his own accord, kneading it softly with his fingers. My chest rises and falls rapidly.

My hand lifts, unable to instruct him, slipping open the buttons as he did in my dream. He pulls away slightly and then he's moving, not asking how or why or if he can. His hand is under my shirt, on my breast, his thumb pressing, and I'm moaning his name. Then he's withdrawing. I reach for him.

"Talk to me," his voice cracks and I realize he's not able to touch me, he's sinking, falling away from me. I refuse to give in, I won't let him go, not this time.

"Kaz. It's me. I'm here. We're together. I'm not going to leave. I'm not going to lose you. You are mine. You belong with me, here, now. Come back to me. Please. I know you can do it. Come back." He gasps as though he's drowning and, before I can stop myself, I'm grabbing his hands.

"Stay with me. Stay, Kaz. You belong here. Don't let it take you away from me. Please, Kaz." I'm almost crying now, desperation clawing as me as I feel him slipping away. I can't lose him again. He should to be here with me. I won't let this sickness overtake him. I won't. He deserves freedom from this. He cries out, trying to pull away. I push him onto his back and then I'm on top of him, straddling him so he cannot escape. He fights me, his hands pushing me away.

"Kaz Brekker, you listen to me. You are _mine_. _I love you_. I'm not going to let anything separate us. You _will_ defeat this. You _will_ stay here with me." Then my lips are on his, my kiss forceful, insistent, demanding that he pay attention to me. This moment, the present, is all that matters. His hands stop pushing and suddenly they're in my hair, his mouth on mine, his tongue tangling with my own. This time, it is him who moans. The sound sends fire flickering through my veins. I jerk away, my breathing ragged, unable to withstand the onslaught of sensation.

I straighten, my hips still pressed into his. HIs hands drop to them, holding me in place as he thrusts upward. My head tilts back and I struggle to control my breathing. My heart is racing, out of control. He doesn't relent, his body moving against mine again.

"Kaz-" I'm panting now, trying to regain a modicum of stability. "I can't-"

"You can't?" He growls, he sits up as far as he can with my body still on top of his. He pulls my face toward his, both hands at the sides.

"You can. I'm here with you. Don't leave me now." My head lowers until my forehead rests against his. I close my eyes and my lips meet his, softly this time. He returns my kisses, mimicking my gentleness.

"Inej-" he says between kisses.

"Yes?" My reply comes out as the barest whisper.

"I love you too." I freeze for a moment but he doesn't let me stay that way, his kisses becoming insistent again. I feel a few tears escaping. _Kaz Brekker just admitted he loves me._ It seems impossible. This entire experience is surreal. My body finally gives up, the intensity making me weak. I collapses on top of him and he holds me close. We roll together until we are side-by-side; his hand resting lightly on my waist, my head against his chest. It doesn't take long before I'm asleep.

 **Author's Note** : I'll admit, this scene was tough to put in right now. I really wanted time to advance the Kanej plot before something like this happened but they INSISTED after the Nina and Jesper episode. Then again, there have been 17 chapters soooo...Don't worry, Kaz isn't just magically all better. That's not how major phobias work. I hope y'all found it realistic and not too out of character. Again, if you have issues with anything I write, please PM me and we'll discuss it. Thanks!


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note:

Hello Lovelies-

I know. You all hate me. I totally abandoned this work for like 3 months. I know! I'm awful! I started a new job and, well, I give like 97432648273% to everything. To make it short, I went from unemployed to working 60 hrs/week mid-October. I adore my job and everyone I work with and I was promoted by my second week so it's totally worth it but, alas, my writing has suffered. BUT I am here with TWO super long chapters and a third on the way! Try not to hate me too much. Please? :)

 **KAZ**

The morning light slinks through the curtains and I shut my eyes tightly, not wanting the day to sneak in and steal last night from me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think last night would actually happen. What we wish for is never quite like the reality. In this case, it's better. Inej lays next to me, her hair dark against the stark white pillowcase. She hasn't roused yet although I've no doubt she will soon. I've never known her to sleep observed for very long. I close my eyes again, hoping to stave off the waking hours, if only for a little longer.

I'm very carefully not touching her, afraid that even the slightest brush will ruin what progress we've made. I'm not foolish enough to believe myself cured. Last night was both terrible and wonderful all at once. There were times that I thought I would be completely overtaken by the sickness, that I'd lose myself to it and never be able to resurface. Then, she was there, calling me back, her voice like a siren song I was unable to refuse.

 _You are mine. You belong with me._ As if her words had the power to make it so, so it seemed to be. I can still hear her profession of love, most likely unintentional, buried in the stream of insistence that I stay, _Stay with me. Stay, Kaz,_ that I listen, _Kaz Brekker, you listen to me,_ and that I will do as she says _You will stay here with me._ I remember her lips on mine, adamant, intent, that somehow turned my deep-seated disgust into desire.

I open my eyes, knowing sleep has slipped away, and that I may not get another chance to look at her like this for a long time. I study her features, trying to memorize them so I can recall them in an instant, her long eyelashes against her fine cheekbones. The gentle slope of her nose, her delicately-formed lips beneath. The only thing I miss about her in this sleeping form are her eyes, their fathomless depths hiding a multitude of secrets.

As though my thoughts have taken form, her lashes shudder, fluttering open to reveal those lovely brown eyes, unfocused from sleep. She blinks a couple times and then tilts her head up, her gaze finding mine. She looks confused for a moment and then relief softens her brow.

"It wasn't a dream." Her voice is low, scratchy from disuse. My mouth briefly quirks up at one side. She closes her eyes again, taking air in and letting out a deep sigh. I lift my hand, brushing back a lock of hair that's fallen across her face. I try my best not to let my fingers graze her skin as I tuck it back with rest of her hair. I resist the urge to bury my face in her tresses, to breathe her in as I have before. Now is not the time for passion. The day is forming around us and it will break into our reverie no matter how we try to preserve it. There is no ignoring the trouble surrounding us. There is only time to grasp the memories and hold them close, making sure to lock them up for later when we're apart. The thought of being parted from her brings pain like I have never known. This desire to be near her, only her, to claim her as mine, is nearly overpowering. I take in a calming breath. She looks at me again.

"Kaz, are you-" I put one finger on her lips, silencing her. She continues staring, waiting for something. I lean forward, pressing my lips to her forehead. The waters are waiting, just beyond this moment, and I pull back, not wanting to ruin this beautiful morning. She places her hand against my cheek as I move away and I stop, eyes closed, trying to keep my breathing steady. I can feel her eyes on me and she slowly withdraws, as though she understand my struggle. Perhaps she does, now, after all this time.

 _Her forehead resting against mine as we exchange feather-light kisses._

I roll over to the edge, moving my legs cautiously to the floor. I pause, trying to empty my mind of anything other than rising, regardless of the pleasantness of the memories. The morning often causes the muscles to seize up at first use. I don't want to fall in front of her. I reach for my gloves, pulling them on slowly. I grab my cane, using it to leverage myself up off the bed. I stand still for a moment, testing my weight on my leg. When it feels stable, I move over to the bench where my jacket lays. I pick it up, sitting on the bench as I slide it on. I reach for my shoes, pulling each on carefully. I can feel her watching me and I look up at her, meeting her gaze. At first glance, her face appears expressionless. However, I've known her long enough to identify the small wrinkles at the corner of her eyes, the barest upturning of her lips. I know her happiness when I see it.

" _You were kissing me."_

I want to kiss her until her whole face lights up, until those wrinkles deepen into laugh lines, until she can't help but smile - that wide, generous smile she shares with those she cares about. It's more difficult than ever to resist the urge. Instead, I stand and head toward the door.

"I'll ring for coffee," I state as I enter the sitting room, closing the door behind me. I get to the sofa before I have to stop, my hand gripping the back. A mixture of the usual pain from my leg this soon after waking and the overwhelming desire to return to her brings me to a halt. A couple breaths and I'm moving again. I unlock the door, pull the string that connects to the kitchen and then take a seat at the desk. The words on the papers swim before my eyes.

 _It's too early for this._ Still, if I don't find something else to focus on, I'm going to be driven to distraction. I don't have to wait long. A soft knock announces the maid. I motion to the table in front of the sofa. I hear her place it on the table and leave. I don't let myself wonder what they think about my presence in Inej's room twice now.

 _It's none of their damn business_. I know servants will talk and I hope none of it reaches Inej. I don't want gossip to separate us. She may seem like she's above such things but I know she cares what others think. She always has. I know it especially plagued her about what her parents would think of her after her time at the Menagerie and then as my Wraith. Thankfully, their immediate acceptance of her, regardless of her experiences and choices, alleviated that fear. However, it made it clear to me that she struggles with the opinions of others. Another knock interrupts my musing, for which I'm grateful.

"Come in," I call out before turning. I hear the door open and then I see Nina, standing there looking positively livid.

"Well, good morning, Brekker. Inviting guests into _Inej's_ room now?" I can tell she is angry about finding me here. She's made it apparent she doesn't approve of my relationship with Inej. While I share her opinion that I am in no way worthy of Inej's love, I'm not going to let her know that. I give her a sarcastic smile.

 _Her hand in mine. Her softly spoken command: "Don't leave."_

"I'd say it's more like 'our' room." She looks ready to murder me. I don't doubt she would but I know her powers have changed since she took parem. Her power seems to reign over the dead and diseased now, not the affliction of life.

"You shouldn't even be near her. You don't deserve to breathe the same air she does. I'm not sure you deserve to breathe at all. All you do is bring destruction. If you care about her, you'll leave her alone." The problem with arguing with someone you agree with is that opposing reasoning come slower than usual. Before I can formulate an answer, Inej opens the door.

"Good morning, Nina," she says with a smile. Both of us know she overheard our argument. Nina's cheeks develop a pink tinge but I manage to maintain my composure. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," she sighs. "Thanks for asking. I'd ask how you slept but I don't think I want to know." Inej ignores the last comment, sitting in the sofa and serving herself some coffee.

 _Her leg over my hip. My hand on her breast._

 _No, Nina. I don't think you want to know._

"Would you like some?" She asks, playing the polite hostess.

"Yes," Nina grumbles, taking a seat next to her. Inej looks up at me then and I see the strain this is putting on her.

"Kaz, would you go ask for some breakfast? I'm starving." Normally, I'd refuse. Then again, I wouldn't normally have spent the night next to her. I nod, knowing she needs to try and stabilize the situation. While I don't care about Nina's opinion, I know she does. I'm not going to let my selfishness stand between her friendships; not if I want whatever this tenuous thing is to succeed.

Wylan is exiting his room just as I do ours. Our eyes meet and he raises an eyebrow but wisely keeps his comments to himself. We descend the stairs together and he turns to me as we reach the end.

"Is there something I can get you? I'm going to the kitchen. If they'll let me in," he mumbles the last sentence, looking perturbed.

"Yes, Inej would like some breakfast. Nina is in there too." I wouldn't have mentioned Nina at all but I don't want her eating all the food. Inej is kind enough to let her have it. If Wylan thinks it odd that I'm taking orders for Inej, he doesn't express it. He just nods and heads toward one of the servant's doors. I enter the ballroom; the volume low this early in the morning. Most of the Dregs sleep late. It's a habit you grow into when the majority of your work occurs at night. Fen is up, which isn't surprising. The man has more uncontrollable energy than Jesper. He walks toward me and I brace myself for the beginning of business.

"Morning, Brekker. Anything interesting planned for today?" That he's even asking reveals his nervousness. All the Dregs know better than to question me about my plans. I don't answer. Instead, I make my way toward Ryare. I'm surprised he's still here. I would've thought he'd have gone off in search of his girl by now. If the look on his face is any indication, it would probably have been better if he had. Depressed doesn't even begin to cover it. Before last night, I would've told him to snap out of it, that he'd find another woman, that this was just the way of things in Ketterdam. Today, I say none of those things. I'm not about to start offering condolences though.

"Ryare," he glances at me and then away. He's barely acknowledging my presence but he has enough respect, or fear, not to ignore me completely. I don't address his reaction, or lack thereof.

"We need to be ready to execute the plan today. Have them assembled by noon." He bobs his head, still not taking his eyes far off the ground. Despite his detestation of my methods, he works well alone in addition to being an excellent team leader. When I can get him, which is going to be considerably more often now, he's always one of my seconds. Hopefully, his mental state won't be too much is a distraction. I don't insult him by asking if he's able to do it. He wouldn't tell me otherwise anyway. I'll just make sure the rest are prepared to pick up the slack if he can't pull it together.

"Kaz," he says as I walk away. I turn but don't respond. "Can we go there too?" I don't need to ask where he wants to go. That he's asking at all reveals how desperate he is. I watch him for a moment.

"Don't let it distract you. I can't have your mind divided during this." With that, I end the conversation. I don't have time to add another route to an already complex plan. If there's an opportunity for him to peel off and check, I won't stop him. Still, I can't allow his focus to waver. When emotions override sound judgement, people get killed.

A couple more Dregs approach me as I try to leave. I encourage them to talk to Ryare if they're interested in being included in the plan. I know most of them are restless. It's rare for any of the Dregs to be inside for too long. I've trained them to go out and find pigeons every day. If you're not running a job or scamming some newcomer out of their money, you're not earning your keep. I know Ryare already has the teams picked out. We went over those he chose yesterday. I'm leaving the job allocation of the remaining Dregs to him. I have bigger issues to consider.

Wylan enters the hallway at the same time I do. A maid follows behind him laden with trays. He's carrying a paper that, at first glance, looks like some kind of list.

"That for me?" He knows I'm waiting on his requests. He said he'd have them to me by this morning.

"No, this one is for Inej. I have your list in my room. I'll bring it to the meeting."

"Better hurry. Meeting starts when I get there." He huffs.

"Of course it does. Jesper and I will be there in a moment." He and the maid beat me up the stairs, which isn't difficult as I have no reason to push myself. I need to save my strength for this afternoon.

I catch the door before it closes behind the maid. When I enter, Nina and Inej are cozied up on the sofa. It seems Inej has placated her for now. Either that or she's so distracted by food that she's forgotten she's angry. As I enter, she looks up at me and her gaze hardens into a glare.

 _Just excited about the food, then._ Inej nudges her with her shoulder and Nina's entire face softens when she looks at Inej. For a moment, I wonder if my face would do that when I looked at her if I wasn't so trained to maintain an emotionless facade. I hear more people enter and Jesper's loud greeting identifies the occupants immediately.

"If I'd known we were having a power breakfast, I'd have ordered my food up here as well. Alas, I will simply have to absorb the enjoyment vicariously. I'll sit next to Nina as I know she will exuded the majority of the joy of eating." He plops down next to her and she rolls her eyes good-naturedly. Wylan takes a seat in the wing-backed chair closest to them. He grabs a piece of lightly-buttered toast and munches on it slowly. I can see two folded pieces of paper in his left pocket; one for Inej and I each, I assume. I reach the desk and lower myself into the chair, facing the group. Just before I begin, Ashiana enters with a guilty-looking Jaap trailing behind her. Nina's glare at him is almost as intense as it was for me. Almost. She settles herself in the other chair opposite Wylan. Jaap leans against the wall, once again left standing awkwardly to the side without an available place of rest.

"We're going out for supplies this afternoon. If anyone has a necessity, you need to make it known now." I give Wylan a significant look. He hands me his list. On the way back to his seat, he reluctantly hands Inej the other folded paper. I have no doubt it's something she's going to insist is necessary but will, in actuality, not be necessary at all. She unfolds it carefully. After a cursory glance, she hazards a look in my direction. I wait, knowing whatever Wylan has handed her will be a hotly debated topic of discussion.

"It's not supplies." At least, she's honest about the goods. If I know her, she'd hate me for describing people as goods. That's what it is though - people. And people are a dangerous commodity.

"We're going on a supply run." I establish the rules. Whether or not she gets her goods is up to her.

"This is more important than supplies."

"When you're supporting a group of more than 50 people, supplies are the most important."

"People are more important than supplies."

"People require supplies. Once supplies run out, the plumpest become the most valuable commodity." I make sure to give Nina a significant look. She looks at me as though she's moved from murder to slow torture. A slow smirk sprawls across my face. If Inej notices, she doesn't concern herself with our private showdown.

"I'll take a team."

"Teams have already been formed. Routes have been decided. There isn't anyone left."

"Then I'll go alone." She knows this is her trump card. She knows there's no way I'll let her go alone. Not now. Not with what's out there.

"Solo missions rarely end well." I know my words will have little to no effect. Still, I want to put the point out there.

"Better one for all than no one at all. They don't stand a chance then." I feel frustration begin to rise in me. While both of us know she's going, whether I like it or not, I can't help but be irked by the slowdown. There are important details that need to be decided. Sites and specific supplies need to be determined. My vexation gives rise to the very thing I despise, stubborn resolve. Stubbornness only leads to blind, single-minded and therefore often senseless determination.

"If you insist on going on a foolhardy and most likely fruitless rescue mission, you need to formulate your own plan. We're here to discuss realistic and profitable goals." Nina's face practically lights up with malevolent glee and I realize my mistake before the words are out of her mouth.

"It isn't all about profit, Brekker. Although, I can understand how it would be difficult to grasp, as everything is ultimately a transaction to you." I focus on Nina's lifted chin, her flat-lipped half smirk, the deep dimple in her right cheek, instead of the pained disappointment in Inej's eyes. Then, Nina turns to her and tugs on her arm.

"Let's go discuss your idea. We'll figure out a plan based on the locations." I see her give Ashiana as pointed a look as she can. She readies herself to rise, as Nina does, on Inej's command.

"What's your route?" I'm slightly surprised by Inej's interest. Despite years as my best spider and therefore an expert on the quickest routes, she stays. It's unnecessary and entirely based on emotion. I can't let her be swayed by it.

"I don't think it's particularly relevant to your foolish exploit. Unless you have something useful to add, I think you'd be better served by discussing your recklessness as much as possible. Perhaps your deliberation will enable more than one of you to survive." As expected, Nina grabs Inej's arm and pulls her into the bedroom, motioning to Ashiana as she does so. Jaap follows obediently behind them. I can't decide if it's out of fear of Nina or some kind of unreasonably hasty allegiance to Ashiana. Once the door is closed, I focus on Wylan.

"Now, where am I most likely to find these ingredients?"

"Landscaping suppliers." I raise an eyebrow.

"You want me to pillage gardening stores for these?" Jesper looks incomprehensibly amused.

"Yes. You should find all of those chemicals in fertilizers and weed killers. Main thing I need besides that is sugar. Lots of sugar. As much as your people can carry."

"Sugar?"

"You'd be surprised what sugar can do when mixed with certain nitrates." Wylan's steady, serious stare convinces me. I turn my gaze to Jesper.

"Any requests?"

"Brass."

"No powder?"

"I have some primers and powder here. If you happen across some charcoal or sulfur concentrates, that'd be helpful. I should be able to separate out enough potassium nitrate from the fertilizers to Fabrikate gunpowder. If you see any lime on your gardening expedition, bring some back for me." I can tell Jesper's grin is barely holding in laughter.

"Also-" I can tell Wylan doesn't like asking for supplies. He glances at Jesper before he finds his nerve. "Bleach, glue, laundry detergent, any kind of acid or fuel, all those would be useful. And-" a deep breath "-citrus fruits. It's all listed." I nod, carefully copying the list onto five separate sheets. All those supplies make sense, including the fruit. Even I've heard about the HTMDs; highly shock-sensitive but 100% stronger than TNT. I'll make sure to send out two teams for ammunitions. The other two will be on rations - including the fruit. Between the four groups, we should be able to continue self-preservation for another couple weeks. If Inej doesn't return with 20 more people, that is.

"I have four teams ready to go this afternoon. Most of our items are going to be in the warehouse district. Your father, ever the pragmatist, made his home between the embassies and the church. While it may have been socially smart, it's not particularly convenient for the current plan. I want both of you on an ammunition team - separately. I need these men to identify the best supplies as quickly as possible."

"Wylan, you will be with me. Our groups will head south west. If we don't find what you're looking for, I want to take a portion off to the morgue. They'll have enough chemicals to kill most of the city. Jesper, your groups will go north west, along the edge of the harbor. Under no circumstances is anyone to enter the water. I don't care what the reason is. Unless they want to die, they stay on land. Understand?" Wylan and Jesper both nod their assent, their faces matching pictures of severity.

"I want all of our groups leaving together. We'll travel parallel. My groups will search the stores near the coastline while you all find whatever you can in the harbor warehouses. We have three checkpoints, one for each harbor, until we reach the Lid. Ryare and Fen will make sure we stay on route. You," I gesture to Jesper "Polian, and Fen continue to skirt the coastline of the warehouse district. You and Polian are ammunitions. Fen will be on food. While your two groups have separate objectives, you stay together. Search a warehouse or two and then meet back before moving on. We'll be traveling the same routes to and from so if supplies get too weighty, choose a pickup point and leave two people to guard."

"Wylan, you will be with Ryare, Anika and me. Ryare and Anika will be managing the food run. You and I will be looking for ammunitions. Once we make our way through the inland part of the warehouse district, we'll decide if we need to make a trip to the morgue. If we do, Ryare and Anika will take the majority of the group back with the supplies. You and I will take some of the stronger members and check it out."

"Ryare is downstairs assembling the groups now. Take these lists to them. We leave after lunchtime." Summarily dismissed, they stand. I don't watch them go. I turn back to my bird's eye map of Ketterdam. I have the roofs drawn instead of streets, the routes marked by jumping difficulty. It's something Inej and I worked on not long before she left. Carefully re-copied once the ink starts to fade, it's consistently been one of the most valuable maps I've ever possessed. I tuck a copy of it and the list into my pocket.

I sit still, listening for the conversation that's undoubtably taking place behind Inej's bedroom door. I can only catch snippets but it's enough.

"-East Stave-"

"-too long-"

"-couple of blocks-"

"-the Slat-"

If they intend to make it all the way to the Slat and back, the route is longer than I anticipated. I wonder exactly how many people they're planning to retrieve. Knowing Inej, it's far too many. There are very few untrained individuals that would be able to make their way from the Slat back here via the safest route - the roofs. Even if Inej uses the same route from the Slat she scouted before, the jumpers then were all Barrel brats. You don't survive there without at least a little physical fortitude. If the people she intends to collect are family members of the staff, not all - maybe even very few - of them will be able to handle a couple jumps; not the nearly thirty required to make their way here from the Slat. I shake my head. I can't allow myself the distraction. I need to follow my advice to Ryare. I can't let my mind wander. There's a job to be done. As much as it pains me, I'm going to have to trust Inej to accomplish hers without my help.

Unobserved, I depend entirely on the edge of the desk and my cane to leverage myself upward. The past two days antics have caught up with me and I can feel that my muscles are caked in lactic acid, worsening the regular pain. I tried to rub some of the soreness away earlier but I know nothing will get rid of it as effectively as prolonged use. All I can do now is manage it until it's time to go. I walk to the window and look out over the city. Everything seems quiet, which continues to be concerning as the mid-morning rush should be decorating the street. I suppose we can be thankful there aren't any crazed Grisha beating down the door.

It only takes another ten minutes for Ashiana to emerge, followed quickly by Jaap and Nina. Ashiana smiles. I can tell she's trying to hide the interest that's been apparent for months. Jaap, shoulders hunched, stays close to her, as though she could offer him some protection from the force of Nina's anger. Nina gives me one of her expected glares then returns it to Jaap's back. Inej doesn't emerge and I consider whether or not I should take what may be the last opportunity today to be alone with her. It's probable that she's still be mad about my comments. I sigh. Even if she is, I don't want to miss my chance.

I make my way slowly toward her door, still leaning heavily on my cane. The run through the city after the already strenuous first flight from the Grisha and jumping over the roofs to Wylan's has left me with a throbbing ache punctuated by frequent sharp stabs of pain. My leg hasn't been this distracting in a while. I pause in the doorway, leaning against the frame. The curtains have been pushed back and she's sitting in the patch of light, her back to me.

"I was wondering if you'd come in here." I don't reply. If she has something to say, I'm going to give her enough time to do so. After a period of silence, she draws her knees to her chest, resting her head on them. It is a vulnerable position that makes me want to hold her.

"When do you leave?" She doesn't argue about my earlier words. I doubt they were a surprise to her. She knows rescue missions aren't ever on my agenda, unless they pay well, of course.

"After lunch. You?" Part of me wants to know all the details of the plan. The logical side knows this would take my focus away from my own plan - wondering exactly where she is on her route, how and when she picked up people, if they're making it across town. Being parted from her will be a distraction anyway; best not to know.

"About the same. It will take a while to get them, let alone to get back. Ashiana and Nina are going with me but they won't be able to gather people by themselves. I'm going to leave them after we collect a decently-sized group from similar surrounding areas. A good amount of them are on the outskirts of the Zelver District bordering East Stave. Only a handful are past the Barrel and into West Stave so we should be able to get by with just two pickup points. That way everyone isn't traveling across as many roofs. Once I've found as many people as possible, I'll connect the two groups and we'll head back together." I should've told her not to tell me. I should've stopped her. Now I know she's going to be alone the majority of the time, traveling through a city on the verge of infiltration. She turns to me then and the look on her face tells me she understands exactly what I'm thinking.

"I've been doing jobs by myself for years now, Kaz. You were always sending me off to collect information or keep watch. I've hunted slavers and held fierce battles at the sea, where no one could've rescued us if we'd floundered. Why would that change now? Because I got hurt? All of us have been hurt. You push yourself to the point of breaking everyday. You know you shouldn't be going today. I haven't seen you in this much pain in a long time." I consider leaving, lying, or denying but I know none of those will work. She knows me too well.

"There aren't any other choices." She nods.

"Exactly." She opens her hand, reaching toward me; an invitation. I don't move for a moment, debating whether or not I should leave or give in to her request. In the end, there isn't really any option. I pull the door closed as I push away from the wall and slowly step toward her. I sink onto the edge of the bed beside her, resting my cane against the mattress next to me. She stays still at first, then her hand is on my knee, her eyes boring into mine.

"Let me help you. My family, we used to- most of the time, we were in one place for several days, performing multiple shows a day during our time there. After a show, we'd do massages to help the muscles stay limber." I don't respond right away. I'm not sure I want her hands on me, not so soon after last night when the memory of her hands bring to mind an entirely different kind of feeling than the relief she's offering. "Please, Kaz. I don't want you out there like this. It's going to be dangerous enough." I clear my throat.

"I'm not so sure I- I don't know if it's a good idea." She tilts her head to the side.

"Why?" I take in a deep breath, trying to bolster myself to either give her the truth or deliver a convincing lie.

"I don't know if I want your hands on me." She looks away and I know that I've given her the wrong impression - that she's taken my words as disinterest or even the disgust that has plagued the physical aspects of this relationship for too long.

"It's not- Inej-" I place two fingers beneath her chin and lift her head towards me. She still doesn't meet my gaze. I can feel the warmth of her skin through my gloves and it makes me want to strip them off, take her face in my hands, and hold her steady as I kiss her, gently, thoroughly. If the simple heat of her skin, even through my gloves, causes this reaction, I can't imagine what kind of effect her hands would have on me.

"Inej, it's not that I don't want you to. It's just that- I don't think relief is all you'd be offering. At least, that's not all I would want you to be offering. With your hands on me, I don't think I'd want you to stop. Do you understand?" Her eyes focus onto mine and I see desire there that matches my own.

"You think it'd be any easier for me? That I haven't thought about last night? That I'm somehow immune to this attraction? It nearly overwhelms me when I'm close to you." She's whispering now, as though the subject requires great strength of will to voice and all she can manage is the faintest volume. She takes a deep breath.

"But-" Her voice growing stronger now "-I'm willing to try and put that aside to help you with this. We managed to control ourselves for so long, Kaz. It was almost painful to stop myself before. Each time we were- those rare, faint touches were tantalizing, torturous. We've made so much progress since I've returned. I don't think it's unreasonable to think we could do this too. Please, let's just try. If it's too much, just say so, and I'll stop."

I can't deny her. That lack of control doesn't bring with it the fear I'd generally expect from such a realization. I trust her. I nod, only once, and move away, to the end of the bed, carefully propping my leg on it. She shifts to the center of the mattress, making room for me and finding the best position. She's on her knees now and I realize she intends to put her weight into this. I brace myself for what may end up being a more painful than pleasurable experience.

Her hands are soft at first, feeling from my calf to my thigh, assessing the issues. The muscles are tight from overwork. I'm used to the knotty feel of the scar tissue that weaves around the unevenly healed bones. I wonder what it must feel like to her; someone used to well-formed, rigorously-trained performers - their bodies as much a part of the act as their talent. Her fingers find the dips between the scars, probing into the areas where my muscles are most accessible.

Her face, so focused and intent on my body, is less than a foot away from mine. A few stray strands have escaped the tight coil. I grip the blankets. _I will not touch her._ No matter how much I may want to brush her hair away from her face. No matter how easy it would be to lean forward and-

 _No._ I have to stop myself now before the thoughts have time to truly take form. Once the images are there, it will be nearly impossible to ignore them. My imagination already has such detailed fodder that it's difficult to find something else to focus on when she's right next to me. Memories of her have been fresh in my mind all day. I've done a decent job of not being too distracted by it but with her right here- I shake my head.

 _Focus._ I wish it was as easily done as thought. Her hands are strong and there's more than a little pain as she stretches out the kinks. She's still working on my calf, having only touched my thigh for assessment purposes, for which I'm grateful. I decide to focus on that. Nothing like pain to kill the mood. _Although..._ I nearly growl then. Am I no better than an undisciplined child that cannot keep a hold on their thoughts for more than a few seconds?

A couple more minutes and, while my calf is still sore, it's a different kind of sore. I want to halt her now. I'm already so much better than I was. However, I know to do so would be to miss the most beneficial part. My thigh bears the brunt of the issue; the section that most frequently compensates for the weakness in my knee. Inej takes a breath and looks at me.

"Still ok?" I want to answer no. I want to tell her to stop. I want to pull away and take the progress for what it is - positive, unhindered progress. I know if I do, she'll listen, stop, accept the development. As it is, I do none of those things.

"Yeah." _No._ When your internal monologue begins to argue with your external words, you know the rational thing to do is to move onto a new activity. Unfortunately, I'm not always in the habit of being judicious.

Her fingertips graze the area just above my knee. I can barely feel them through the thick fabric. I get the sense then that this is just as difficult for her. She is being cautious, bordering on uncertain, where she was sure and undaunted before. I hesitate, irresolute on how to reassure her when I lack conviction myself. Perhaps this will be the moment that stops us, where both of us agree that we cannot move forward, which both pleases and disappoints me. I do not like the idea of being unable to handle myself in any situation. Then again, anything involving her is unchartered territory. She finds her resolve first. Her hands tighten around the tense muscles and I jerk my leg away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's ok. I wasn't ready. This is...perhaps start somewhere else. This area is particularly sore. The bones-" she nods. I realize then exactly what I've told her to do and I curse my lack of forethought. Her hands move higher, mid-thigh now, and she presses carefully but firmly. I manage to control my reaction this time, though the feeling is far from pleasant. She doesn't move up or down but stays in this spot, working the muscles until they loosen. Only then does she move ever so slightly higher.

She continues her work, moving steadily upward. If I didn't know her so well, I'd say she was simply focused. However, her hunched shoulders, rigid arms, and rounded spine all reveal how uncomfortable she is. Inej is always loose, her body flowing from one place to the next like a light breeze. Even when we would stakeout an area for long periods of time, her limbs were languorous - not stiff but in a smooth state of inactivity.

Once she reaches my upper thigh, I place my hand on hers. Our faces are so close that I can see the golden specks in her eyes and understanding becomes easily apparent. We pause there, both aware of the growing tension between our bodies. I could lean forward now, it would only take a couple inches, and our lips would touch. Would it be like last night? Or would the sickness come rushing back full-force? Would we fight it or pull away? I draw back, unwilling to find out.

My action prompts hers and she moves back down my leg, her fingers finding the area she worked on before. She probes the muscles, finding exactly where the muscles hold onto the strain of overexertion. She begins again, moving lower this time. The pain is more intense now but I know the reward will be greater. I will have more flexibility to compensate for repeated jarring damage of jumping from roof to roof. As she approaches the top of my knee, sharp pain joins the ache that almost always encompasses my leg. This time, I grip the sheets for any entirely different reason. I want to wrench my leg away but I stay still.

 _I can do this. Just a little longer_. The encouragement doesn't convince me but it does provoke my determination. I will _not_ be the first to pull away. Slowly, the pain lessens and relief starts to break through. I cannot remember a time after I broke it that my leg felt like this. Every waking moment there has been some kind of ache, cramp, or general soreness. She reaches the area just above my knee again. I don't flinch this time as she gently massages it. When she's finally satisfied it's acceptably loosened, she sits back with a long sigh.

"We did it." She's smiling but her eyes look tired.

"We did. Thank you."

"Listen to that, Kaz Brekker thanking someone. Will wonders never cease?" I know her teasing is simply done to lighten our moods. I slowly swing my leg off the bed, grabbing my cane as I do so. I don't rise just yet, wanting to let her work take full effect. It simply seems easier to have my back to her just now.

I hear the clock tower bells ring out eleven times. It's time to get ready. As one, we stand. She moves around the bed, so quietly that I can barely hear her footsteps approaching. She steps between me and the door.

"Kaz-" I can tell she's uncertain of her words. She always makes eye contact when she knows her mind and is about to give me a piece of it. There's no cause for hesitation, at least, not for me. I wrap my arm around her waist. Her eyes meet mine then, wide and most assuredly unsure now. I don't dare hold her this close for long. Already, I can feel the effect her proximity is having and it isn't a good one. I lean forward and brush my lips against hers, just as I so desperately wanted to before. Then, I let go, quickly stepping away.

"What was that for?" She breathes, looking up at me with a mixture of confusion and yearning.

"Isn't that what heroes do for luck before they begin a quest?" The repressed desire coursing through me makes my voice even lower than usual. I suppress the urge to clear my throat while this close to her.

"You're no hero." I can't stop the barest upturning of my lips.

"No, but I could certainly use the luck." I step around her, reaching for the door. There are so many things I want to say, how much I care about her, how I need her to be careful, how I'd fall apart if I lost her, but I say none of them. I open the door and walk out. Nina's snarling face greets me.

 _Fantastic._ I don't acknowledge her anger - or really much of her at all. It doesn't bother me. I just don't like Inej being harassed about our time together so soon after we've parted. I move past her silently and out the door. The hallway is clear and I take a deep breath before descending the stairs, careful not to undo the work Inej has done.

When I enter the ballroom, I see two distinct groups have formed on either side. Wylan is standing between Anika and Ryare as they address to group. I'd planned for Wylan to be with us in hopes that, if we were to hit trouble, Wylan put Ryare's incendiary tendencies to good use. Jesper, Polian, and Fen's groups are smaller but are mostly comprised of the more experienced Dregs. Hopefully, that will keep them from doing anything too stupid. The plan is reckless enough as it is.

Ryare looks over at me and I give him a nod. Wylan and Anika follow his gaze and they turn from their people with few parting words. Jesper is the first to notice me and he elbows Fen none too gently. Polian is standing out of range of Jesper's elbows but I doubt he would've needed to nudge him anyway. Polian is an especially good shot because he's constantly vigilant. I motion them back into the hallway. The doors close quietly behind us.

"It's time. Any questions about the lists?" Silence. "You have ten minutes to get everyone into the garden. Jesper, come with me." I head toward the stairs that lead to the garden. Jesper steps forward as we reach the door and puts his hand on it. With a click, it opens. The air outside is sweet. The garden's quiet scenery disguises the horrors that lay outside.

"Don't you think you should send someone with Inej?" I'm surprised he's led with this. Actually, I'm surprised he's said it at all.

"She made it very clear she could take care of herself." He scoffs.

"Like she'd say otherwise. However, she has an unfortunate habit of getting herself into bad scrapes, especially recently. I don't like sending her off with just Nina and Ashiana for backup." I try not to grimace. I don't disagree. However, I don't have anyone particularly useful to spare. Saddling her with a low-level Dreg recruit would only slow her down. I don't answer, hoping the topic will close with his well-founded but ultimately irresolvable point.

"Are you going to say anything?" Trust Jesper not to leave it. This time last year, I'd have premeditated his response and formulated a complete shutdown by now. Instead, I'm letting him get far too many words in edgewise.

"There isn't anything to say. The plan is the plan. No amount of concern is going to change it. We need everyone we have to hit all the harbors, warehouses, and possibly even the morgue."

"Like there isn't one person you could spare. We have over 50 people on this exploit of yours. You're telling me none of them can offer Inej some backup instead of tagging along on this absurd adventure?"

"I'm telling you none of them are good enough to go along. She already has Nina and Ashiana to drag along. Neither of them are particularly good at the physical feats roof jumping requires. She's off to gather who knows how many equally unskilled individuals. Adding someone else for her to keep track of isn't going to be helpful."

"Then I'll go."

"I need you on the ammunitions team. Without me or Wylan there, no one will be able to pick out the necessary supplies."

"So go with my team. Wylan can handle identification by himself."

"And if he has to go to the morgue? What then? Do you want to leave him without backup? With only a few thugs to carry whatever supplies he finds but no one to construct a reasonable getaway plan when things go awry?"

"Wylan can construct a decent plan by himself." Jesper argues, although he's starting to lose his fervor. I know implying danger for Wylan is the only way to push him off this track.

"Are you willing to bet your life on that? What if they don't make it to the morgue? What if he has nothing to work with? Is he fast enough to outrun an insane Grisha intent on getting a taste of him?" Jesper gives me a long look.

"Remember this conversation if Inej doesn't come back. Remember that _you_ decided there wasn't anyone to spare." He turns from me. I don't have time to contemplate a counterargument as the Dregs begin to filter through the doorway.


	20. Chapter 20

**KAZ**

It doesn't take long for everyone to fill the small space. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Wylan glancing about with a pained look on his face. There simply isn't enough room for everyone on the paths. I have no doubt that the beauty for which he's toiled will be severely damaged before this endeavor is over.

Despite the size of the group, the volume is low. All leaders were instructed to inform their members that silence is mandatory. Hand signals will be given for necessary communication. Unless otherwise specified, we follow the route, look for supplies, and return with as few whispered words as possible. It's a solid plan. I wish I could say my plans usually go well. However, Ketterdam isn't a forgiving place, especially not to those of us who inhabit the Barrel. I'll be pleased if we make it back with most of our members and a decent amount of supplies.

I nod at Jesper and motion to Wylan. He steps forward to join me next to the wall that enables easy roof access. I haul myself up and begin the climb, not looking behind me. My men know how to follow my lead. If they don't, it's best that they get left behind. The only sounds are the soft scraping of shoes against the roof tiles. I reach the halfway point and glance down, scanning for threats - Grisha or otherwise. The alley below is empty. I turn to look and motion for everyone to fan out to neighboring roofs. I don't want everyone jumping the same route. It'll cause too much noise in one area and increase our potential of being discovered. Hopefully, with the groups traveling across multiple roofs we'll be able to be quieter and pass through undetected.

 _If only it could be that simple to remain invisible._ Unfortunately, with the sun high in the sky and the streets deserted, the chance of being missed has dwindled to the single digits. If I was going to choose a day to pray to Inej's saints, today would be a good one. Not only for my groups but for hers as well.

 _Mostly for hers._ I look forward and judge the distance to the next roof, trying to focus on the route, the plan, anything but how concerned I am about her potentially suicidal mission. I glance behind me to see how well-spread the men are.

 _Remember that you decided there wasn't anyone to spare._ Looking at all the Dregs behind me, I briefly wonder why I insisted I needed everyone. Surely, I could've spared someone. However, we've reached our separation point now. My group looks significantly smaller after the break. As my men begin to dip below into houses and stores, I acknowledge just how few true leaders I have with me.

 _I really did need all of them,_ I think as I swing down into a small alleyway. The houses are so close together, there's barely any room to squeeze into, which has its benefits and disadvantages. It's simple to scout but it doesn't allow an easy escape if necessary. The windows of the house on my right are open and I carefully peek above the sill, keeping low in case there's something in there that I don't want to attract. It appear empty but it also looks as though it's already been ransacked. Drawers and doors are hanging open as though previous occupants headed out in a hurry.

 _What if all the houses look like this? What if another group beat us to this?_ However, I know it would take a group larger than mine to have hit every house in this vicinity and there aren't very many groups as large as the Dregs. I slip in anyway and glance around, looking for leftovers. I find a bag of flour in the back of a cabinet next to some salt. I grab them both and throw them into the small bag I tucked away in my back pocket. Thankfully, we managed to find enough bags for everyone although most are small. There are four large bags per group and I can only hope we return with them all full.

The next house is in a similar state. This time I only find a couple packets of dried berries that are more for taste then sustenance. I grab them anyway. I know what it's like to live on tasteless food everyday. In desperate times, flavoring can do a lot for moral. There's something encouraging about a little flair in your food.

I open the back door and carefully step out into a small street. The house across from me looks promising, the shutters are closed and, I try the handle, the door is locked. Either the occupants are still at home or they took a little more care than their neighbors. I knock softly, once, twice, and a third time. There aren't any sounds from inside. No shuffling or hastily retreating footsteps. I pull out my picks and have the door open in less than ten seconds.

This time, I find a virtual treasure trove of food. Salted meats, rice, and some vegetables. I leave the most perishable and least substantial items like milk and bread. I open one last cupboard and find two jars of honey. While I'd normally leave anything sweet, I grab them quickly. Honey never goes bad and doubles as an antibiotic. I've seen it do wonders in wound care and a variety of internal and external infections.

My bag full, I make my way to the second floor and exit via the window, easily pulling myself onto the roof. Some of the group has already moved forward a good ways but the men with the big bags are still fairly close. I approach, pour my findings in quickly, and then scan for the next entry point.

We make our way steadily south, keeping the harbor in view. I don't find any weapons or ammunition for almost an hour. When I finally do find some, it's paired with a grisly sight. I can smell death from the outside and contemplate not entering but decide to risk it. I'm glad I did. The man must've been some kind of weaponry dealer. He had more knives in his reach than most traveling merchants carry in total. Unfortunately for him, it didn't appear to do much good. I breathe through my mouth as I strip the room of every kind of weapon I can find, from the smallest pocket knife to my personal favorite, a short, double barrel shotgun that looks like it'd take the paint off the walls and ceiling before it ever reached the intended target. Perhaps it's wrong to enjoy the idea of taking out everything in a twenty foot frontal radius but I'm nothing if not a little reprehensible.

 _Maybe more than a little._ This time when I reach the roof, I don't immediately climb back down. The streets are familiar here in East Stave. We've nearly reached the Barrel. As men return to the rooftops, I motion for them to gather. I look through the bags while I wait. Our food bags are well-stocked but munitions are sorely lacking. It shouldn't surprise me as the majority of our course has been through residential areas. Still, I was hoping for a little more than this. In about five minutes, the entire group has assembled and stands silently, awaiting my commands. Ryare and Anika approach just as Wylan pulls himself back onto a roof. I motion the three of them close.

"The food run has gone well," Ryare starts. I nod.

"Yes but we have almost no new weaponry or ammunition." I glance at Wylan. "We're going to have to make the trip to the morgue." Although he tries to hide it, Wylan looks pained. I doubt a year luxuriating in the Van Eck mansion has done much for his physical fitness.

"We'll-" sudden a round of gunshots rings out in the distance. I glance in the direction of the yells and far-off sound of fighting. _The harbor._ It's probable that Jesper's team has run into trouble. I look back at Ryare and Anika.

"You two need to get this group back as quickly as possible. If the other groups don't make it back, we'll be short food and men. Be as quiet as you can but I want you at a run the entire time. Understand?" They nod and I look back at Wylan.

"We have to move, now. Start that way," I point toward the Barrel. "I'll gather a couple more men." Wylan doesn't even acknowledge he's heard, just takes a running start and leaps to the next rooftop.

"Ryare." He turns back to me. "Don't let them take you. If they catch up with the group, do what you can and then get out. I don't care if you leave them behind. I need you alive and un-addled." I don't wait for his confirmation. I turn and assess the Dregs. I choose four men who look the least winded. There's only one large bag left now. I grab it and motion them to follow. We hurry, silently, across the roofs. Each jarring jump steadily increases the pain in my leg. I push forward harder.

 _The faster we're done. The faster we're home._ Despite his head start, I catch up to Wylan easily and take the lead. We make good time and reach the morgue in a little under twenty minutes. I climb down and pop open the door. The men file in and I close it quietly behind us. The smell that greets us is beyond foul. Bloated bodies are lined up against the wall. They were probably ready to be processed when the panic hit. Now, they're overripe and destined to decay untended and unburied.

A flash of Jordie's bloated body flits through my mind. I blink and it's gone.

"Where would the chemicals be?" I ask Wylan between breaths, trying to only take in air through my mouth. He looks around.

"It would have to be a backroom, probably attached to where they keep the bodies." I nod to the door where the bodies lay. He nods. I point to two of the men.

"You two check that door," I point to one across the room that is most likely the waiting room for family and friends of the deceased. I direct the other two to the door next to it. They nod. I walk purposefully toward the door. Even breathing through my mouth, the smell overwhelms me. I falter as a memory overtakes me.

 _The barge. The water. The stink of death all around me, over me, on me. Jordie's face, pale and still._

I shake my head. I will not be bested by this. Not now. Wylan moves a step ahead and I push myself forward, using my cane for leverage. Wylan opens the door and I train my eyes onto the darkness ahead of me, not on the bodies beside the doorway. The light is already dim in here but I shut the door anyway, trying to block some of the smell. I feel along the wall for the switch I know will flood the room with light. The morgue was one of the first places in the city outfitted with lights.

 _Because nothing needs strong light like the dead._ I move toward the boxes along the wall. Wylan starts on the other side. I see the bleach first. Stacks and stacks of bleach. I pull one box and nearly stumble. There's no way we can get the entire thing back. Not over all those rooftops. I place it on the floor and continue. We'll see what we can carry once we're done.

"Kaz," Wylan whispers my name so softly that I barely hear him. I look at him and raise an eyebrow.

"I found formaldehyde and glutereldehyde. Both of them will be helpful."

"Grab a box of each and put them on the floor. We'll see how much we can carry once we've found everything."

"There's really only one more chemical that will be helpful."

"And that would be?"

"Methanol. It's like the deadly brother of ethanol."

"Perfect." I begin to scan the shelves, not bothering to read more than one letter of each word on the labels. Two rows over, I see it. It's set apart from the other chemicals and on a different kind of shelving unit. These are bolted to both the wall and the floor.

"Found it." I place the box next to the others and Wylan quickly scoots it away from the others. I give him another questioning look.

"Methanol is a polar liquid at this temperature. That's why it's on a separate shelving unit. It will dis-" Apparently, my face gives away how much I don't care about why it needs to be separated.

"Let's just make sure it's carried separately." I nod as I turn back to the door. It opens before I reach it and I fall back into a defensive posture. It's only my men and I motion them in.

"We need to take as much of these as we can. Is there one that you need more of than the others?" I ask Wylan.

"Probably the Methanol."

"You two will carry as much Methanol as you can. The rest of us will divide up the bleach, formaldehyde, and glutereldehyde." We set about dismantling the boxes and testing the weight of the bottles. Knowing my jumping capabilities, I decide I can only carry three bottles. It seems small and I'm frustrated that we can only take a little but there's simply no other way to carry them. The bag will surely break if we put more than three in it. Wylan is holding two bottles of formaldehyde and I wonder how far he'll be able to manage that before he leaves one behind. It's going to be a long, back-breaking return trip.

Bottles divided, we head out. I look away from the bodies for one step, two, and then they're out of my line of sight and I only have to cope with the smell. We cross the room quickly, all eager for fresh air. I crack the door and check the street in front of us. It looks clear but I still open the door cautiously. We are out and hauling ourselves upwards in seconds. The large bottles make it nearly impossible to climb and I have to move from window to window, balancing each one on a window sill before moving to the next. Once we're on the roof, we all pause, breathing hard. Wylan looks like he's about to pass out.

"Move," I mutter the command after a few seconds. My men stand and follow without a sound but Wylan whimpers softly as he stands.

We move steadily east toward the Financial District, using the river to our right as a guide. Once we reach the Geld canal and turn north, I begin to look for a boat or other method of travel that will take us safely across the next canal to the Exchange. It will be the largest expanse of water we've traversed thus far and all the others were crossed via a bridge. I'm not sure whether or not the Council of Tides will be able to detect someone crossing the water via boat this far inland and I'm not particularly keen to find out. However, there aren't any bridges across this canal until you reach the Zelver District and there's no way we can make it that far.

When we reach the Y-shaped juncture of canals, I hold up my hand.

"Everyone rest. I'm going to find a way across." Wylan nearly collapses onto of the bottles as he sets them down. Now, jumping roofs unhindered feels like flying - that is, until the impact causes my leg to recall just how hard I've pushed myself today. I take brief breaks between jumps, trying to balance time with the necessity of rest. I glance over the edge periodically, looking for a way across. In this area of town, someone should have boat stowed away under their house. It's simply a matter of finding it.

Finally, I see what looks to be a partially-underground garage - perfect for a personal gondola or other elegant craft. I do my best not to clamber down but my muscles are somewhere between shaky and tight and I nearly stumble when I reach the street.

Luck is with me and the garage does, in fact, harbor a boat. It's fancier than I expected. No simple rowing boat for these people. This one looks to be self-powered. A wave of concern flows through me.

 _What if it requires something to work? Something like a key?_ I step down into it, looking for whatever it is that powers it. There is a large hulk of metal in the back that looks like it may have something to do with powering it. I take a deep breath.

I climb out and leave the garage, quickly climbing the house and onto the roof. I can see the group, sitting several blacks away with their backs to the setting sun. It'll be night soon and I have little desire to be on these streets when the sun goes down. I wonder briefly if Inej has returned from her rescue mission but sweep that though aside. I have to focus. I make my way back to the group. Everyone looks to be in considerably better shape than when I left. Wylan even manages a half smile.

"There's a boathouse down there. It has some kind of luxury boat in it. Let's go." The men follow silently.

"A luxury boat?" Wylan asks. "What kind?"

"You'll see when we get there." I don't need any of them to know I'm ignorant of this kind of craft unless necessary. I shoulder the bottles again and we're off. I look for the red roof tiles that mark the halfway point. From there, it's only two blocks. Already, the bottles feel like lead weights. Even before we reach it, I can tell the men are tiring easily and I begin to worry that we may need to find shelter for the night.

 _No. We have to get home. The last thing I need is someone launching a search party._ That someone most likely being Inej, who will undoubtably be exhausted from her own cross-city trek. I drop down into the area behind the house, which hosts a garden that puts Wylan's to shame. The men follow me as I find a way through the house to the boat. When we arrive, Wylan's sharp intake of breath lets me know he's aware of exactly what we're dealing with.

"I've never seen one in person."

 _Perhaps not so exactly._

"It's a Riöden. I didn't think- how did they even get it here? It's illegal to import them."

"You speak as though legality has ever been a consideration in Ketterdam where trade in concerned." Wylan looks affronted.

"I'll have you know-"

"Save the lecture on the ethics of Ketterdam's business practices and help me work this thing." Despite his obvious desire to verbally contradict me, he follows my orders. We load the bottles into the small holding bay and Wylan joins me at the back of the boat.

"I'm not sure- let me look at it closer. Like I said, I've never seen-" I let him continue to mutter instead of cutting him off. Hopefully his stream-of-consciousness will produce something useful.

"There must be a key," he announces after a couple minutes. I nearly groan aloud. We do _not_ have time for this. The daylight is fading fast.

"Alright, Wylan, search the boathouse. The rest of us with search upstairs." I unlock the door that leads into the house.

"Keep an eye out for weapons. One of you take the kitchen and scout some food. We spread out, searching in the dim twilight that filters through the un-shuttered windows. I'm nearly through the office when Wylan appears in the doorway.

"I found it." I nod.

"Get it started. I'll be right there." I gather the men. An ornate pistol and a veritable mountain of food greet me as I enter the living room.

"Good job." We manage to gather it all up and dump it into the boat in one trip.

"Ready?" Wylan nods and, with a slightly maniacal grin, turns the key. If it wasn't for the slight rumbling beneath us and the gleeful look on Wylan's face, I wouldn't have believed it was running.

"Let's get out of here." I jump out of the boat and pick the lock on the door. I hold up my hand. I exit via the above ground door and take in our surroundings. Nothing seems to be moving on the street or in the canal but with evening taking a firm hold, it's difficult to see beyond a few blocks. Knowing I can't scout what I can't see, I re-enter and push open the doors. Wylan moves a lever and the boat lunges forward, nearly knocking me into the water.

"Sorry. She's got a lot more thrust than I was expecting." One of the men chuckles.

"More than you're used to, Wylan?" He shoots me a glare. I ignore it as I search for some rope.

The air outside was chillier now that the sun had departed. Suspended somewhere between the disappearance of the sun and the rising of the moon, light is hard to come by. The water has lost its clarity to the night and, just now, appears as though it is a fathomless, unknowable beast - ready to swallow us whole.

 _And perhaps it is._ Part of me wants to - plans to - push Wylan, make him move across as quickly as possible. However, something tells me that a lazy trip across the canal will draw less attention. The other side is in sight when I have a sudden, reckless, most assuredly foolish though.

"Go right."

"What? I thought we were trying to cross. That's back the way we came."

"Do it." It was either a testament to his commitment to the team or the desire to stay silent and possibly live that made him turn us back east. In the moonlight, the ripples twisted, as if the water was trying to shake off the faint light. Upon reaching the Y-juncture, he makes the left turn without instruction. I carefully wind the rope through a gap in the railing across the hull, tying it off with a clove hitch.

"Stay close to the land on your left. Close as you can." He nods and we continue farther in silence. I watch the water, waiting for any ripple that would indicate it's about to destroy us. As we steadily crawl up the canal, I can see the Church of Barter shimmering in the distance. Funny how in all of this it still manages to stay decently well-lit. We are nearly to Wylan's house when I feel it, the rise in the water.

"Dock. Now."

"But there's n-"

"Now, Wylan!" I hiss as forcefully as I can. Our boat bumps against the edge of the canal and I begin throwing our supplies on land. The men jump out easily. They don't have far to go. By now, the water has risen to level with the land, a good five feet in just a few seconds. We jump out in time for the water to spill over. I grab the rope and motion to the men.

"Two of you get over here and help me pull it onto land. The rest of you, move the supplies." Carried by the water, the boat slides relatively easily onto the shore. Once she's up, I tie her to the nearest lamp post and pull the men next to me back. The water is already retreating and I can feel it, like little hands, trying to pull me over the edge. I retreat several more steps, just in case it decides to come back for me, but it slips away as though it was never there. All that's left are a few puddles and slick stones. We stand there, looking at our shored boat for a moment, before I turn.

"Let's get the supplies and move. Wylan, can you lead us home from here?"

"Easily."

"Do it."

All I want is to see Inej, safe and whole. Then, I can rest. Then, I'll be home.

The wall to Wylan's garden is in sight so quickly I almost laugh. We were nearly there. I pull myself up onto the wall, motioning for Wylan to join me. Once he's beside me, I point to the other side.

"Get ready." I have the men hand me the supplies and I carefully pass them to Wylan. We're done in under a minute and I jump down. The men follow me to the door. I pick it and we're inside. _Finally. Finally inside._ It felt like we'd never make it back here. The men take off with the supplies and I wave them on, leaning heavily against the wall.

"We made it," Wylan states. Heaving a sigh, I move past him with several bottles of bleach and formaldehyde. I'm not even halfway down the hallway when I hear running feet coming toward me. I pause, unsure what to do. I'm putting the bottles down and reaching for my cane when Anika skids into view.

"Sir, we-" Polian nearly tumbles into her.

"There was-" Fen's frame jumbles into view.

"Kaz, you-" several more people stumble in behind them.

"Stop. All of you. What's-" And that's when I see Jesper entering slowly behind them. Somehow, his long, mournful face stands out and I push toward him.

"What's happened?"

 _Remember-_

"It's Inej."

"Where is she?"

 _Remember this conversation if Inej doesn't come back._

"She's gone."

"What do you mean gone? Has the group not come back yet?"

 _Remember-_

"They're back."

"And?"

 _Remember that you decided there wasn't anyone to spare._

"And she's still out there."

Author's Note:

Yay for miserable cliffhangers! Don't worry, there's another chapter on the way! I'm working on it (although not tonight). It should be up by the end of the weekend but it's- there's a lot going on in the next chapter. I'm also working 20 hours in the next 3 days and I have to sleep so, you know, I'll do my best


	21. Chapter 21

**ASHIANA**

I had never seen Kaz freeze until that moment. He's always in motion. Even when still, his aptly-named scheming face gives away his mind's momentum. But as I turned down the over-filled hallway, I saw it. At Jesper's words, his whole body froze in horror or shock or pain or perhaps all three.

The Dregs seemed to take their cue from him and for a solid thirty seconds, the chaotic chatter stuttered and went out. Kaz recovered fairly quickly but I'd seen it, we'd all seen it. Kaz had faltered. Then, he was pushing through the crowd, his face shuttered. I thought he was going to pass me in his distraction. I should've given him a little more credit. His hand snaked out and grabbed my wrist. I heard him whisper as he left:

"Get Nina. My room. Now." And then he was gone.

_o*o*o_

" _His_ room? This isn't _his_ room. If he'd cared about her at all, he would've sent her some backup. He doesn't deserve to-"

"Nina-" I sigh.

"You know it's true! You know we needed-"

"Nina, please-"

"-backup. Instead, he let her go on this insane mission without any real fighters. It's not-"

"Facts only. Your commentary isn't necessary." Kaz says as he enters the room, moving to the writing table.

" _You-"_ I grab from Nina's sleeve a millisecond too late. She's across the room in a few steps. Kaz, always ready, sidesteps easily. His cane is up and ready to knock her out when Wylan enters.

"Enough. Everyone sit." Nina and Kaz stay in place, continuing their silent showdown.

"Sit down or I will have Jesper throw you outside and leave you there." As soon as he says it, Wylan realizes his error. Nina and Kaz find a common enemy for the moment as they turn their glares to Wylan. The tension between them somewhat fractured, Nina comes to sit in the chair beside me. Kaz seats himself on the edge of the table. I am too anxious to sit and choose to lean against the arm of the chair instead. Jesper and Wylan find their places on the sofa. Jaap is missing but in his place are Anika, Polian, Fen, and Ryare. They all remain standing by the door - looking more like guards than team members.

"Now, I will receive updates from each group, starting with mine. Wylan and I took four men to the morgue with us. We returned with bleach, formaldehyde, glutereldehyde, and methanol in addition to a few small weapons. We returned by boat, which we pulled onto land about half a mile from here."

"A boat?" Jesper looks almost offended. "I thought you said we weren't to enter the water." It's easily apparent that Kaz isn't particularly interested in offering - or most likely, receiving - any explanations.

"We had to cross the canal and there wasn't a bridge for miles. We found a small boat and took it as far as we could. I'm not sure which Tidemakers noticed us but the water began to rise pretty rapidly as we passed the Church of Barter. We unloaded and tied the boat to a lamppost." The description is almost comical. Who ties a boat to a lamppost? Unfortunately, any humor is quickly swallowed up by the group's pervasive black mood. One of our own, most cherished members is gone and each minute decreases the chances that we'll ever get her back.

"Ryare, report."

"We left as soon as you did. Even at a run, we were slow compared to the Grisha. They nearly caught up with us but, thankfully, they were distracted by another target before we reached the bridge near the Geldrenner Hotel. We made out way across the roofs fairly easily and unpursued after that. Our food stores are well stocked, at least for the time being." Beside him, Anika nods but remains silent. Kaz turns his stare onto Jesper.

"We hit a bit more trouble than your groups did. We managed to get back with most of the supplies but we lost several men along the way." He glances at Fen, who looks pained but says nothing.

"The warehouses were good hits and we had more than we could carry in less than an hour. If we go on another supply run, that's the place to do it. The ones we scavenged didn't have much food, it was mostly bulk supplies - wood, textiles, and, my personal favorite, metal. We have enough brass and silver to outfit everyone with guns and bullets - once we Fabrikate them, that is. And" he grins at Wylan "we found your gardening supplier. We carried as many different kind of fertilizer as we could."

"Unfortunately, we found guns to be... only occasionally effective. I think bombs are going to be our best bet."

"Occasionally?" Kaz questions.

"Well, if everyone was as good a shot as Polian and I, we'd be able to take down all of them no problem. It has to be a head shot. Chest, stomach, even neck - they bounce back like rubber bands after taking the shot. Barely even slows them down. A head shot will kill it - or at least, drop it long enough to enable escape."

"Or drop it? You're not sure it kills them?" Kaz cuts in.

"I didn't stay around to find out if they popped back up. But, if I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it kills them. They're still people, after all." Kaz nods for him to continue.

"Once we'd pretty much stocked up, we were about to hit a couple more warehouses, just to see if there was anything we wanted to switch out. Apparently, some of the Grisha had taken one as a hideout or - I don't know if they even think that rationally. But they were in there."

"A group?" Wylan asks.

"Yes."

"Were they quiet?" Kaz asks.

"Well, yeah. We wouldn't have gone in there if they'd be shrieking or something."

"So they can co-exist." Jesper looks surprised, as though this hadn't occurred to him before.

"I guess so. They weren't actively murdering each other at the time." Kaz nods again but this time, a look of concern crosses his face. "Anyway, Fen and some men went in to check it out." Jesper glances at him again, but Fen is staring at the floor.

"Apparently," Jesper begins, giving Fen one more chance to share the story himself. Still, he stays silent. "There was a group in there. We were going through the supplies, deciding what we may be able to discard if they find something useful in the warehouse, when they started yelling. Fen climbed out a second story window and a couple other men were right behind them when... well, the whole thing went up in flames. In seconds."

"I'm the only one who made it out," Fen says softly.

"How many were in there?" Kaz pushes him.

"About fifteen, maybe twenty."

"Were most of them still in there when it went up?"

"Only a couple had made it out onto the street below. They chased us for a few blocks until Polian and Jesper took them out."

"So, co-existing until targets are identified. And I guess we can add burning alive to the ways they can be killed," Wylan says, looking woozy. "Bombs it is."

"You made it back without trouble after that?"

"Yes, but..." Fen starts and stops. Kaz raises his eyebrow at Jesper.

"Whoever the Inferni was didn't go up in the fire, obviously. However, it - they ran in the opposite direction. We were still traveling parallel to the harbor. It traveled inland and, well, it didn't stop burning things."

"How far did you see it go?"

"Wasn't really focused on anything other than getting back."

"That all?"

"We- uh, ran into Ashiana and Nina's group on the way back." Jesper says softly. Kaz somehow manages to stay loose, as though he was expecting something like this. He doesn't falter, doesn't freeze, just looks at Jesper, waiting.

"We'd slowed down about fifteen minutes after we lost the pursuit. Focusing on keeping all the supplies together. And then they-" Jesper motions to Nina and I. I can feel Nina building up steam next to me so I jump in, trying to avoid another blow up.

"We were on our way back too. We'd almost made it to the East Stave but-" a deep breath "-Inej said she felt like this was all we could handle. I could tell she wanted to keep going but we already had so many..."

"How many?"

"Seventeen. And some of them were - are - little. We couldn't drag them along much farther. So we decided to head back."

"You made it back with seventeen untrained civilians?"

"Fifteen. Only fifteen made it back." I can tell Kaz, for all his anger, is mildly impressed.

"Tell me what happened on the way back." I swallow hard.

"It was pretty slow going. We had to find short jumps and that took a while. Inej would scout ahead and then come back with the easiest route. It was still tough though. And the younger ones-"

"We had to carry them." Nina breaks in.

"Carry the children?" Wylan asks. "How far?"

"Well-" now Nina looks uncomfortable.

"We didn't - Nina and I - we couldn't make it across the jumps with them. But Inej, she -" I dart a look at Kaz, who still sits stone-faced, as though patiently awaiting our report. I doubt his patience and scramble to find the words.

"She did it. She made the jumps with the children."

"How many children?"

"Four."

"You're telling me Inej scouted ahead and then came back and carried four children across the same jump, each time?"

"Not every time. They could make some of them. But yes, several times."

"She wouldn't have had to if you'd sent someone with us! Ashiana and I, we aren't trained. We're not strong enough. But if you'd been a little more reasonable, if you'd given us just one more person, she wouldn't have had to do it so many times. Then she wouldn't have been so exhausted when -" Nina's anger is palpable but it breaks as she remembers. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block it out.

 _The inhuman shrieks, the smell of smoke, tinged with wood and flesh, and the very human, very near yells of people being attacked._

" _Go!" Inej insists as quietly as she can. She grabs two children, shouldering their weight as she prepares for another jump. We all follow as quickly as we possible. She deposits the two a few roofs over and heads back for the next two._

"What happened then?" Kaz's voice is deceptively soft. To an outsider, he would seem calm but there is a rough edge beneath it that bespeaks a barely harnessed violence.

 _Then the screams are nearly underneath us. Suddenly, we can distinguish words, pleading for mercy with beings that no longer possess any. And that's when we hear it._

"We were most of the way back. Less than half a mile. They were close. An Inferni was clearly with them because houses were going up in smoke as fast as we could run. She had just carried the four children across when they caught up with us. They were right below us. And then we heard -"

" _Mommy, please! No!" Inej turns, placing the children next to the others. She runs, making the leaps back in record time._

"It was child. She was - they were all begging for mercy but -" I run a hand through my hair, breathing deep. "It was like before. The little girl must have been with her mother and the mother - I'm not sure what was happening but she was crying and screaming for her mother and-" I try to beat back the tears but they refuse to be stymied.

"She ran back and-"

 _As she passes me, I can hear her mutter "Not again."_

" _Inej!" She looks back at me, precariously balanced on the edge of a roof. Her face is one of both determination and heartbreak._

" _Go. Run. Get them back."_

" _We can't! Not without you!" We'll die out here without her. Smoke is rising around us and my eyes burn with tears of pain and panic. She doesn't answer. With a final look, she dives off the roof._

"I tried to stop her. I told her we needed her. But she - she just looked at me and told us to run and then she just - she just dove off the roof, toward the screams. We couldn't go back. We'd all have been killed. Nearly all houses around us were all on fire."

"So you left her." Kaz doesn't phrase it as a question but I can feel Nina nearly lunge out of the chair as she responds.

"We had no choice! All of us would've died!"

"You should've at least tried! She was exhausted from dragging all those people and children and YOU around! You left her there in the midst of a massacre! You-" Nina leaps out of the chair then, rushing at him with the rage that's been simmering since she arrived. Jesper is on his feet and grabbing her around the waist before she can pass him.

"Nina, hey -"

"Let me go! This is his fault! He shouldn't have sent her out there without backup! It should be him out there, not her! She was the best of all of us and you wouldn't even consider helping! So focused on yourself and what you can do for you and your precious Dregs! And now she's-" sometime during her rant she switched from screaming to sobbing. She's not even fighting Jesper now. He's supporting her now as her body folds. He pulls her to him, settling her on his lap as he sits back down on the sofa. We're both drained, both emotionally and physically. I sink into the chair she's vacated. While my head is still buried in my hands, I hear Fen speak.

"We found them soon after. I think - the Grisha must've gone after Inej because they weren't near them anymore. I think the Inferni we'd met was the one following them. If anything, it's our fault that it got started in the first place." I glance up at Fen, trying to communicate the gratitude I feel at him stepping up and saying what I'd been thinking, but he's found the floor to be completely captivating during this entire conversation.

"Nina, Ashiana, Fen, out. Now." Fen pulls open the door and Nina is out before I even stand. Her bedroom door shuts as I enter the hallway and I recognize that she wants to be left alone. Fen closes the door behind us and I turn to him.

"Thank you." He nods, still examining the carpet. I sigh, tears dried. I don't even have the energy to cry anymore.

"I think-" he looks up at me then, remarkably resembling a puppy that's been kicked. "I need a drink." The corner of him mouth twitches, just slightly. He follows me as I head down the stairs.

 _Time to get drunk._


End file.
